Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
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Top comments
TrippingOnAcid 29
The ultimate cockblock
JMichael 26
You poor poor bastard...
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Comments (86)
Stryker_13 19
Damn that sucks! Maybe it's a sign that the person you were with wasn't the right one. Hope you get better though!
cocacola999 27
When I was getting ready to take my boyfriend's virginity, he almost dislocated his shoulder - we were also stopped by his horrible pain. However, the next time was amazing and we've been together for years now. If your partner is worth it, she/he won't let it be a problem either.
inseenglish 9
Your life sucks, but you haven't been sucked. I'm so sorry for you.
tournamentdecide 33
Maybe OP has had a ********. Receiving that would leave him a virgin.
TXFernwoods 26
I NOMINATE MYSELF TO HELP YOU LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY.
LoverWordsFood 27
You do realize that op is a man? Good try. *slow clap*
Blizzicus 20
don't you become a wizard if your 30 and still a virgin
pawelthink 14
Don't focus on losing your virginity. Find a right person. That person will be cool about it. And this comes from pretty cool 22 year old, so I know what I'm talking 'bout.
laden_swallow09 35
No, you don't.
Ki11erC 18
Age doesn't cure stupidity or give wisdom. But 22 is not likely to have either particularly nailed down yet.
shutupshane12 12
Lol, I'm younger so I know better pssshh
TerraShadow 18
There's always next time. On the plus side they might make another 30-year old virgin movie with you
JadeWinter 16
May you get laid soon, dear sir/madam!
Ardeku 15
9 more years and you can be as awesome as steve carell :D also being a virgin is actually a good thing. purity & cleanliness. society puts too much importance on virgin non virgin crap
williamcarter93 13
I find it funny you say 'society puts too much emphasis on virginity or non virginity' then turns around and says it makes you pure and clean as if people who have sex are nasty or foul. Sex or no sex, someone's sexual status is their own and affects nobody else
worldclassrager 41
Better luck next time...