Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband was trying to be sexy, and asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger". Major mood kill. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML
Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML
Today, I told my man that, in order to get me ready for sex within a minute whenever he wants, he only needs to relearn how to go down on me, which he used to do splendidly but has somehow forgotten. He apparently considers this too much effort and will rather keep groping me unsuccessfully. FML
Today, my husband whined that our sex life is terrible. I agree. I wish he'd stop killing the mood with crappy pickup lines and crude innuendos every time I act even slightly receptive towards him. It's like he turns into a 14 year-old the second I kiss him. FML
Today, my boyfriend has so many hang ups about being good at sex that when we actually had sex for the first time this morning, he got upset that I was touching my clit while he was inside me. Apparently it was a sign I think he’s bad at it, and had to do it myself. Neither of us orgasmed today. FML
Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML
Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML
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Top comments
xxlk4xx 6
honestly I would just communicate to him and let him know what feels good to you (if you havnt already, I'm sure you did not make happy noises when he sliced you🤣) or even look through some foreplay techniques together and see if that helps! if he cares about actually making you feel good I'm sure he will be willing to learn lol
Shzusuziq 16
Tell him!!!
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Comments (20)
thatkorean 5
You know, communication works wonders. Have you tried telling him to be gentler? And what you prefer? Because if not you definitely deserve it. Because he then doesn’t know he’s doing anything wrong.
juggalo2 22
My foreplay technique is to line her up then say "Brace yourself, Ellie. Here it comes."
core01 30
Buy a toy
mcsmee 8
And some say that men can't find the clitorus.
Arash Atash 9
Tell him to buy a nail clippers!!!!😂
Brightside86 31
If you haven't taught him what you like by now that's kinda on you.
Win 9
There’s an assumption that people need to “just know” how to do sexual activities but Sex Ed is barely taught in school + no one is born with a built-in manual. Also, generally people don’t go around reading a “how to have sex” book - although there are many great sources. My point is... we normalize sharing our preferences on food we want, movies we want to watch, whether we want go out/or not etc - but for some reason, we shy away from telling the other what we want during sex? Or how it works for us? This assumption needs to be squashed. Sex communication, like any other, solves many problems.
Stigmamma 23
OP here! To all those who say this is my fault for not telling him, believe me I've tried! If I say to be gentle, he will until I look like I'm enjoying it, then he'll go harder again. Thanks ****! Telling him he's scratching me get a "I know what I'm doing!!!" I could ignore this when I was dating, because sex itself is great, so is other foreplay, just the manual foreplay sucks. Now we're married it's the only way he wants to warm me up. His penis knows what it's doing, the rest of him struggles.