Shopping, Your everyday life stories

me. 17 April 2022, 00:01 Denver, United States

Does it though? Does it really?

Today, my mom asked me to bring the groceries in. In doing so, I brought in a bag full of toilet paper. She saw me and said, “Um, hello? I only said bring the GROCERIES in.” I was thus today years-old when I learned that ‘groceries’ only means food items, not just things you get from a grocery store. FML

6 comments

ohfuxx 23 March 2022, 10:00

No joke

Today, I learned that you can't fool the self-checkout scanner by taking six items and only paying for two. Sometimes, two big security guards may grab you by both arms and take you to their office. To convince them to let me off the hook, I desperately said that it was just a joke. They weren't laughing. FML

7 comments

who remembers that?! 14 March 2022, 16:00 United States

Who? How? Why? When?

Today, a woman I didn’t know swung at me in Walmart. After scuffling, security pulled us apart as we waited for the cops. Why? Apparently I ruined her brother’s life and sent him on a “tragic” spiral after I refused to go to a high school dance with him. I have no idea who she’s talking about. FML

2 comments

Anonymous 1 March 2022, 03:59 Morganville, United States

Bigmouth strikes again

Today, I thought the cashier said the new blouse I picked out was ugly as she was ringing me up. I'm really self-conscious about my fashion sense, so I snapped and started yelling at her. It wasn't until she was close to tears did I find out she said "lovely" not "ugly". So, that's another store I can't go back to. FML

10 comments

bby 16 February 2022, 14:00

Freaked out

Today, I was at Walmart and I asked an employee for help. She turned around with tears streaming down her face and said, “I'm kind of in the middle of an emergency right now!” FML

5 comments

Anonymous Unknown 15 February 2022, 02:00

I'm not a celebrity, get me out of here

Today, I got locked inside the entrance area of a Walmart. I had to get an employee to get me out. FML

2 comments

Anonymous 10 February 2022, 11:59

Help needed

Today, my daughter got her first period, so I went and got some products for her, certain that I knew what was needed. The lady cashier took one look in my basket and sympathetically asked if it was my daughter's first period and if I wanted help, since I clearly had no idea what I was doing. FML

6 comments

Anonymous 28 January 2022, 07:59 United Kingdom

Oi bruv, you 'avin' a laugh?

Today, as the shop is right round the corner, and I couldn’t be arsed changing, I kept my boob tube on under my jacket. Of course, at the shop, I slipped on spilled water and as I went down the tube came down as well, and I ended up lying there with my tits out for a group of teenagers to laugh at. FML

4 comments

naomi3271 29 November 2021, 10:59 Saint Louis, United States

Tis the season…

Today, I went early Xmas shopping for my daughter and almost spent my whole paycheck for the week on her, only to have some asshole grab my bag and run off, stealing all her gifts, all in front of a security guard and store employee, who did nothing to help. FML

5 comments

Jessé 23 November 2021, 23:01

Silver linings

Today, after going to the convenience store and getting my card declined, the clerk let me come back home with all the things I'd bought so I could look for money and pay with cash instead, so I went back to pay a few minutes later. Karma paid back the goodwill 3 minutes later by making me burn my left hand with boiling water. FML

5 comments

Anonymous 10 November 2021, 23:00 Shingle Springs, United States

Hotwife and blues lawyer

Today, I have a new guitar on its way. I forgot to make up a story, so now my wife won't be happy. FML

7 comments

Anonymous 8 November 2021, 17:00

Thank you for your service

Today, I was pretending to be a veteran for the US Navy at a local outlet, because I was desperate for cheap stuff. All was going well, until an actual vet pointed out that the ship I had on my naval hat was a fictitious one. Shit. FML

13 comments

Ihatepol 16 October 2021, 08:03

Dumbass

Today, a lady asked for a refund for a taco kit because inside the box was just tortillas, seasoning and sauce. When I pointed out the text in small letters that she had to provide her own ingredients, she told my manager I disrespected her by making her feel stupid. I was written up. FML

5 comments

dumblonde76 14 September 2021, 14:00 Jackson, United States

Poot

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

6 comments

AC712 8 September 2021, 11:01 Butler, United States

Suspicious activity

Today, my BFF and I put our kids on the bus, and went shopping and have lunch. We were both eating a gross amount of Taco Bell sitting in the middle of the parking lot. The cops pulled up. Someone had called them, saying we were doing drugs because of the way we were sitting. FML

6 comments

Anonymous 8 September 2021, 08:00

Sibling rivalry

Today, my youngest son got lost while shopping. I was frantic, but my oldest son didn’t care, his opinion seemed to be "Who cares?" and "Quick, let’s leave before he turns up." He didn’t even unplug his earphones or look up from his phone. FML

3 comments

BrazilianGal 12 August 2021, 02:01

America, **** yeah

Today, a lady at the clothing store told me to, “Stop speaking 'Mexicano', this is America!” when I was talking on the phone. I actually speak Portuguese. When I pointed this out, she verbally tortured me and threatened to, “Call the cops” if I didn’t leave her store for, “making her feel threatened.” FML

9 comments

Anonymous 17 July 2021, 05:59

Touchy

Today, in a particularly crowded section of the mall, I felt someone touch my back, several times. My self-defense kicked in, I screamed to attract attention, whipped around and threw a punch. No one was there; It was my ponytail touching my back. People were staring me like I was insane. FML

5 comments

Anonymous 1 July 2021, 16:01

Headphones are a health hazard

Today, only some excellent security footage stopped me being arrested after I bumped into a young girl while looking at my phone and her mother, an Uber Karen, accused me of sexual assault and an off-duty woman police officer tackled me to the ground before I'd even took off my headphones. FML

3 comments

Anonymous 28 June 2021, 16:03

Red flag

Today, my boyfriend and I went clothes shopping for an upcoming wedding trip to Mexico. He wanted a dressing room fashion show to approve what I would buy. I’m 40. Last time I did this, I was in grade school. Maybe I shouldn’t go on the trip. FML

6 comments

Anonymous 22 June 2021, 08:01

BIKES!

Today, I’m doing the 5 km bike ride to the grocery store. As always, I'm well equipped: Shopping bags, shopping list, pen, sunglasses, hat, sunscreen, raincoat, tampons, tissues, lip balm, water bottle… Anything I forgot? Aaah, yes. Money. FML

6 comments

cpmolly This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff Omaha, United States

Classic FML

Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML

128 comments

Giselle 14 May 2021, 14:01

Customers…

Today, two girls walked into the clothing store I work in. One of them pulled a shirt from the bottom of a huge stack, knocking it down. One of them asks, "Aren’t your gonna put the stack back together?" The other says, "No, that bitch gets paid to clean that shit up." FML

4 comments

sadie 1 April 2021, 23:00

Overreaction

Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML

2 comments

HeatedHeat 29 March 2021, 11:00

Erm, thanks, I guess

Today, I went to a store to buy a 43-inch TV that was on sale. The sale was so good that they sold out on the floor. I went to guest services and asked the employee if they had any in the back. She literally went to the back of the room, let out this god awful fart, came back out and said, “Sorry, we don’t.” FML

3 comments

matt 12 March 2021, 08:01

People disprove

Today, I, a forty year-old man, went to the store with my teenage daughter and infant son. I got some very dirty looks. FML

6 comments

prettyconstipated 9 March 2021, 14:02

Weird compliment, but OK

Today, while buying laxatives at a store, the cashier loudly declared that I'm "too pretty" to be constipated. What? FML

6 comments

Anonymous 5 March 2021, 05:01 🌶️ Spicy

How? Why? What?

Today, I wore leggings without underwear. When I got in the car after a busy shopping day, I realized that my pubes had poked through the fabric and my bush was on the outside of my pants. FML

15 comments

DV. 27 February 2021, 23:01 Copenhagen, Denmark

Judge not lest ye be judged

Today, my girlfriend and I, who are both heavy set, went into the pharmacy and asked if they sold any over the counter antidiarrhetic medicine. The store clerk, eyeing us up and down, said, “Uh, sorry, we don’t have antidiabetic medicine.” FML

5 comments

Anonymous 26 February 2021, 14:02

Winner winner chicken dinner

Today, I realized I have finally turned into my mother when I got excited about using so many coupons that I only paid 70 cents for $14 worth of groceries. I need a life. FML

8 comments