Today, in a particularly crowded section of the mall, I felt someone touch my back, several times. My self-defense kicked in, I screamed to attract attention, whipped around and threw a punch. No one was there; It was my ponytail touching my back. People were staring me like I was insane. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML
Today, someone punched me in the back of the head, so I swung round and broke their nose. It was some woman screaming at me for wearing headphones and ignoring her. She then pulled a hidden disability badge out her pocket so everyone thought I was beating up a disabled person. FML
Today, I was walking around school alone and felt someone tap my back. I laughed and turned around to find no one was there. I felt confused when I felt the tapping again, which is when I chose to yell at the nearest person, "What?!" I later found out it was a bottle in my backpack tapping me. FML
Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML
Today, I spotted a guy I like slyly checking me out, so I did what I thought would be a dramatic but nonchalant hair flip. Instead, my hair got caught in the strap of my bag, and I ended up yanking myself backwards like a clumsy stuntman. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML
Today, I went to the mall. While shopping in a store, a woman bumped into me numerous times. Getting annoyed, I turned to her and loudly exclaimed, "Are you blind?!" Turns out she was. FML
Today, I was at work at Walmart, casually walking in the middle of the store, when my foot caught on something, so I went flying forward and yelled, being caught off guard, to the point I had to pretend I was running for 3 seconds, then someone blocked my path so I suddenly had to stop. Everyone was staring at me. FML
Today, while sitting on the bus the man sitting slightly above and behind me leaned over my seat. All I heard was someone deeply inhaling in to my hair. I turned around and slapped him. Everyone saw what he did, but no one defended me while I was being thrown off the bus for assault. FML
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Top comments
rogue92 6
You need to chill the hell out, imagine there was someone there, not touching you, just your braid setting you off and you assault them and get them in legal trouble all because your over active "self-defense" kicking in.
kfchicken 31
that reaction is not normal, the staring was was warranted. next time be sure before you make serious accusations and attempt assault.
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Comments (5)
rogue92 6
You need to chill the hell out, imagine there was someone there, not touching you, just your braid setting you off and you assault them and get them in legal trouble all because your over active "self-defense" kicking in.
kfchicken 31
that reaction is not normal, the staring was was warranted. next time be sure before you make serious accusations and attempt assault.
Grizz8831 14
shorten your hair... freedom of choice In how you look, but you are a danger to others because of your hair it seems. what it had been a child or some random person actually minding their own business.
xxlk4xx 6
I'm wondering if something happened to you in the past that made you have that type of reaction? if that's the case I'm so sorry! maybe therapy could be helpful. I wish you the best.
mimisky 7
Thank you, you just made my day… that is hilarious!!