Anonymous · 4 November 2022, 12:00

Social pariah

Today, I was out with friends, A girl approached me out of nowhere and gave me a peck on the cheek, then yelled to my friend, "I kissed him, where's that drink you promised?" only for him to equally loudly reply, "I said I'd buy you a drink to TALK to him." Apparently, even bribery isn't enough for a woman to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976 You deserved it 113

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Anonymous · 4 November 2022, 02:00 ·Enid, United States

Bad sign

Today, my 24 year-old boyfriend said that he wanted to move out of our apartment, but also stay in a relationship. He's moving back in with his parents, over two hours away. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 885 You deserved it 134

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Anonymous · 3 November 2022, 22:00 ·Perth, Australia 🌶️ Spicy

Priceless

Today, I got back from my honeymoon. Return flights from Australia to New Zealand? $1,800. A week’s accomodation in another country? $1,500. Busting my new husband finger banging a barmaid by the public pool? Fucking priceless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 137 You deserved it 206

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dumped · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Fair enough

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because apparently I don't appreciate how he's different from other guys. I only told him that showering once a month was not normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 155 You deserved it 4 693

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Anonymous · 3 November 2022, 16:00

Bad vibes

Today, a guy I went on a few dates with and was looking forward to seeing again this Wednesday told me he is not sure he sees this going anywhere. This always happens and I have no idea what I am doing wrong. I have lost hope in finding a boyfriend ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947 You deserved it 194

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Loveless · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Jilting John

Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249 017 You deserved it 15 501

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Anonymous · 2 November 2022, 22:00

Never drunk call your ex

Today, I went out with a friend to a bar. After several Cosmopolitans, I decided to finally call my ex and tell him everything about how I feel, and how I really miss him. In the end, he said that it’s all so sweet and he will call my later. He hasn't called me since then. Instead, I was blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235 You deserved it 1 486

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Anonymous · 2 November 2022, 14:00

Cancel the wedding

Today, I tried to talk to my soon-to-be-husband about how he needs to take a more active approach in his own life. It devolved to him screaming at me and putting words in my mouth. This has been going on for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670 You deserved it 699

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Anonymous · 2 November 2022, 04:00

Caveman behaviour

Today, I tried to win back my ex by fighting her current boyfriend. He kicked my ass. Now I have a broken jaw and a court date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 You deserved it 2 511

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anonymous · 1 November 2022, 22:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Ace of spades

Today, the guy I’d been seeing told me he’s asexual and our relationship would never go past holding hands. He called me a 'shallow bitch' after I told him we weren’t a match. Isn’t him asking me to give up sex forever the same as me asking him to have sex? Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 513 You deserved it 224

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Anonymous · 1 November 2022, 18:00

Sounds promising

Today, I was at a restaurant with a friend when she said, "Oh, I have to arrange a meet up between you and a friend. She's just your type: she has daddy issues." FML

I agree, your life sucks 736 You deserved it 182

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Anonymous · 1 November 2022, 14:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Left on read

Today, I was feeling saucy so I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. He then set it as his laptop's desktop screen, took a picture, then sent to me saying, "Hmm, should probably change this before Monday", only he didn't send it me, he sent to his family group chat with his mum and sisters and didn't realise. Everyone saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099 You deserved it 461

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Hailey · 1 November 2022, 10:00

Not so spooky

Today, I went out to my first Halloween event in 5 years, only to find out my boyfriend just saw it as an obstacle to playing Pokemon Go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666 You deserved it 178

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Anonymous · 1 November 2022, 00:00

Wait til you're 50

Today, I read an FML about a guy who only kissed his girlfriend to make her shut up up. I left a comment, telling him to break up with her and stop wasting her time, only to realise I’d wasted 3 years on my abusive alcoholic ex. I’m now 30 and starting to think I’m getting too old to find someone and have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696 You deserved it 500

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anon · 31 October 2022, 10:00

Foreshadowing

Today, I overheard my girlfriend talking to her friends, saying the most attractive guys are tall and dark-skinned. I'm about average height and pale. Uh-oh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 137

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Anonymous · 31 October 2022, 02:00

Excuses, excuses

Today, I saw a girl making out with presumably her boyfriend. This wouldn’t be a problem if she hadn’t told me she was asexual and didn’t like to be touched. The worst part is this isn’t even the first time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702 You deserved it 366

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Nator · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Cheap

Today, this guy took me to Denny's on a first date and used a 2-for-1 coupon. It was expired. I paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 781 You deserved it 5 268

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jonatthon · 30 October 2022, 18:00 ·Brighton, United Kingdom

Inferiority complex

Today, my girlfriend met my brother who, despite being 10 years older, is taller, smarter, slimmer, richer, more handsome, and just objectively better in every way. He always has been. An hour ago, she broke up with me. Meeting my brother convinced her she'd settled for me and could do better with almost anyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223 You deserved it 171

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David · 29 October 2022, 22:00

Classic line

Today, after celebrating our 5 year anniversary, my girl told me that’s she loves me, but is not in love with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904 You deserved it 114

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Anonymous · 29 October 2022, 14:00

How d'you like them apples?

Today, after my girlfriend played a prank on me a few days ago, I thought she’d be a good sport about me playing one back. Turns out she’s not a good sport. I’m now single, with black bruises on my ribs. I think one might even be broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896 You deserved it 220

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IHateFakePpl · 29 October 2022, 12:00

Personal preference or Fatphobia? You decide!

Today, I learned that losing 110 lbs causes people to start kissing your ass. The same people who told me to go fuck myself and didn’t give me the time of day before are now worshipping the ground I walk on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840 You deserved it 311

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anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·Australia

Please don't do that

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulled away, goes, "OMNOMNOMNOM" then continued kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 370 You deserved it 22 563

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Anonymous · 29 October 2022, 06:00

Red flag

Today, I have a broken nose because my girlfriend saw I got a text from a woman called Gemma. Gemma is the name of my ex, so she smashed me in the face with a full cereal bowl. Funny thing, Gemma is also the name of my boss, who was texting me about a work thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616 You deserved it 165

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Anonymous · 28 October 2022, 22:00 ·Coventry, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Overcompensating

Today, my mom, dad, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles came together to tell me they’re fine that I’m a lesbian, so I don’t have to be in the closet anymore. I wasn’t aware I was lesbian, I’ve been happily using men's penises since I was 19, but apparently I’m a secret lesbian. Go figure… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376 You deserved it 205

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Anonymous · 28 October 2022, 14:00

Get a load of this guy

Today my dad asked if he could walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I was just too speechless to respond. He asked me on my doorstep, at 2 a.m., which was also our first ever meeting since he abandoned my mom when she was 5 months pregnant with me, and just disappeared for 28 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580 You deserved it 95

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Anonymous · 28 October 2022, 12:00

Fight club

Today, I was out with my girlfriend when my ex-father-in-law, who suffers from Alzheimer’s, saw us. I don’t know what he was doing out by himself, but he still thinks I’m married to his daughter, so when he saw us he thought I was cheating and knocked my tooth out with his walking stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254 You deserved it 94

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Anonymous · 28 October 2022, 06:00 ·Blanchard, United States

Fork in the road

Today, one of my best friends, someone I considered family, and whose kid I see as my nephew, picked a piece of shit dude she’s been seeing for 3 months over me. And no, I didn’t make her choose. He decided to be an ass to me and when I wasn’t OK with it, she just let him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832 You deserved it 194

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Anonymous · 27 October 2022, 22:00

Poor choices were made

Today, I'm so lonely that I actually convinced myself it was by choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675 You deserved it 188

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Warsaw, United States

We met a lot later!

Today, my co-workers figured out that I was in high school when my husband was in kindergarten. They won't stop calling me a "cougar". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 396 You deserved it 53 077

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Anonymous · 27 October 2022, 12:00

Alexa, play "Some Things Last a Long Time" by Daniel Johnston

Today, it's been one week since I found out that my ex got married. Since then, every night I dream about her breaking up with me again. Apparently, time doesn't heal all wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776 You deserved it 177

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