Anonymous
Love is love
Today, I found out my dad is dating my dead mom's best friend. FML
Anonymous
Stolen valor
Today, a fake soldier tried to chat me up at a bar. I know he was fake because one of his medals is only given posthumously to soldiers who died in combat, like my own dad, yet this creep was claiming he earned it himself. When I confronted him, he busted out my front teeth before running away. FML
Anonymous
The matchmaker
Today, my mom has been aggressively trying to get me to marry one of her coworkers, who is around my age. Apparently she loves her like the daughter she always wanted, and since it would be silly to adopt her; she is determined she will be her daughter-in-law instead, whether I like it or not. FML
Shelby1992
Call the cops
Today, I dumped my boyfriend. He responded with kidnapping my dog while I was at work. He texted me a picture of him holding a piece of chocolate to his mouth, threatening to feed it to him if I didn’t get back with him. I took him back because I can’t bear my life without my dog. FML
marriedwithfamily
This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff
United States
Oh no
Today, I went on my honeymoon to Hawaii. My family decided to surprise my new husband and I by joining us on our vacation. FML
Anonymous
Bury, United Kingdom
Supportive
Today, I was involved in a car crash. When I told him, my boyfriend was more interested in what he was going to have for lunch. FML
wookieewhosshe
Just dependa things
Today, my fiancé left for a 6-month deployment overseas. I waved him away, came back inside alone, and cried. I know this is what I signed up for, but the cat could've shown more sympathy than staring at me and walking away. FML
Steve
This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff
Ottawa, Canada
Not your fault
Today, I had to explain to a customer how our hotel charged his card, even though he has never stayed with us. Apparently his wife is a regular customer. I can't help but feel like a homewrecker. FML
Anonymous
Connect Four (GONE WRONG)
Today, I played Connect Four with a gay guy who was clearly hitting on me for an hour. When he asked why I didn’t want to go to his place, I told him that I’m straight and married. He asked why I played with him for so long, so I told him, “My wife sucks at Connect Four.” He called me a cocktease and left. FML
Sick
He's a diamond
Today, I found out my husband has been flirting with and dating behind my back the nurse who treats my cancer. He admitted that he needs someone healthy and not someone who’s “gonna be sick all the time.” He also attempted to justify it by saying, “You’re gonna die anyway and then what am I gonna do?” FML
meat lover
Never gonna happen
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Genesis
Why fish lady not white??
Today, my husband and I were going over costume ideas for his company’s Halloween party. I suggested to be Ariel the Little Mermaid. He scoffed, “Wow, not only are they changing her race but her body type too?” FML
TextsAlot
This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff
Canada
The language of love
Today, my husband has been out of town for a week. The only text I've got from him was, "I didn't take a poop today." FML
Anonymous
I'm only sleeping
Today, I woke up at noon after barely sleeping. I've been diagnosed with sleeping disorders, so this isn't out of the ordinary. The issue is, my boyfriend doesn't think it's a big deal, and is mad at me for wanting to stay in bed after he got up. FML
omfgmaya
This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff
Denmark
Thanks, I guess…
Today, my boyfriend took me to his place to meet his parents. When they saw me, they laughed. FML
Anonymous
Seek help
Today, my girlfriend chose to hate-stalk her ex-best friend's social media, then angrily rant to me for over an hour about what she saw. This happens three or four times a week. They last spoke over a decade ago. The last time I suggested therapy, she didn't speak to me for a week. FML
Anonymous
Aldershot, United Kingdom
Golden child
Today, my mom, dad, and little brother all adore my boyfriend, and treat him like a son. When he’s here, he gets more family love than I do. I’ve wanted to dump him for weeks because we’re really not working out, but I know that if I do my entire family will pitch a fit, and bug me to take him back FML
Anonymous
Trapped
Today, I'm realizing the woman I've been in love with for 8 years has become completely disinterested in me. I can't even connect on a basic, "How was your day?" level without her her zoning out or getting lost in her phone, only to apologize when I say something and then not even ask what I had to say. We have 2 kids now. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
A right bunch of berks
Today, I met my boyfriend's family. He calls his parents things like “geriatric hag” and “old clown”. I was about to yell at him, but they started calling him “nancy boy” and “nerd”. Apparently they love each other, but only communicate through abuse. I can’t believe I may soon marry into this mess. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff
United States
Useful idiot
Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He said he would have done it two weeks ago but he needed someone to drive him around while his car was getting repaired. FML
Butters
Lathlain, Australia
Couch fights!
Today, it's my wedding day. I broke a toe on the couch while turning on the lights in the hotel room. FML
Anonymous
That's kind of a big issue
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years, who I love with every fiber in my body, just told me that he's not attracted to me. Not in any way, shape, or form. FML
Blinded
Vancouver, Canada
Love is blind
Today, I finally figured out who my girlfriend reminds me of when she wears her glasses: the character Newman from Seinfeld. I can't unsee it. FML
nu_ravers_101
This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff
United States
Thanks but no thanks
Today, I went surfing. One of my instructors came up to me and told me that the other, good looking, instructor didn't have a girlfriend. Who then turned around and said, "I do if you are trying to set me up with her." FML
Anonymous
Anyone can be a 7 if you try hard enough
Today, I had a very nice, long, and pleasant dream about having a girlfriend for the first time since 2010, and then I woke up. I'm right about myself, I'm going to be single for the rest of my life, and there's no point in trying to change that. FML
Meg
Kinda sus, dude
Today, I asked my husband to borrow his phone, since mine had died. His response was, “Well, you have a charger, use it.” When I reminded him that we weren’t at home, he screamed at me in front of everyone at the store, “I’m not letting you go through my phone and that’s final!” FML
DarthPanda21
Who is this mystery person?
Today, it seems that my punishment in life is having to live and sleep 5 feet away from the girl I've loved since the 6th grade (I'm 37 now), and rather than tell her this, I'd rather just preserve our friendship and suffer in silence. I'd even venture to say it's a reason for my failed marriage. FML
Anonymous
Cedar Rapids, United States
She's a keeper
Today, my wife of 8 years has been cheating on me for 5 of those years, making fun of me with her family that I don't have a social life outside of her and my 3 kids. I'm waiting to get my spinal fusion completed, so I'm a stay-at-home who that can't do much and have no other options, including no one to talk to about this. FML
Anonymous
Aldershot, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
The inner light
Today, I asked my husband if we could rekindle some of our old intimacy, get back in touch with each other’s inner selves, that sort of thing. He looked confused, then got a big smile and said, “You mean we can do anal again? Why didn’t you just say so?” FML
Anonymous
Brampton, Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Yeeted it
Today, two weeks after my wife of 3 years caught me screwing her sister in our bed, and she disappeared to her mom’s and refused to take my calls, she came home to get her stuff. Apparently on the night I cheated, she was about to tell me she was 6 weeks pregnant with my baby. She left for the two weeks to get an abortion. FML