Today, my girlfriend met my brother who, despite being 10 years older, is taller, smarter, slimmer, richer, more handsome, and just objectively better in every way. He always has been. An hour ago, she broke up with me. Meeting my brother convinced her she'd settled for me and could do better with almost anyone else. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought my date last night went quite well, especially when she called me first thing this morning… until it turned out she wasn’t very impressed, and wanted my brother's number instead. The single, successful lawyer, who is 6 inches taller than me, who she saw on my Facebook page. FML
Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her endeavour to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better, my now-slender girlfriend dumped me, because she's found someone "better" than me. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. My brother insulted her weight so many times she left in tears. Not only does he not understand why what he did was wrong, he’s genuinely livid with me for being upset with him, to the point that he damn near slugged me when I confronted him. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Why? Because apparently her friends have seen me hanging out with a hot girl, giving her long hugs and making her laugh. That "hot girl" is my sister, who got back from studying abroad a week ago. FML
Today, my girlfriend of five years broke up with me, saying I've changed and she can't be with someone who's so emotional all the time. Well I'm so sorry that after two weeks, I'm not quite over my brother's death yet. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome and talented than me. The reason she didn't leave, "He's out of my league; you're not." FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend dumped him. I overheard my mom tell him "It could be worse. Your brother can't even get a girlfriend". FML
Today, I realized that when my boyfriend said, "I'll love you forever" what he really meant was, "I'll love you until I meet your significantly more attractive sister." FML
Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML
Today, my sister's boyfriend of over a year broke up with her. As her brother, I instinctively wanted to beat him up, but he is too much of nice guy for me to be able to hurt him. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Does she think she has a shot with your brother? You really can't compare wealth with such an age difference. It's possible you will be just as rich in 10 years. You'll have to work hard to catch up in other ways. There's even leg-lengthening surgery to fix the height problem.
JasonThorn 23
If she's that shallow, trust me, OP, you're better off.
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
Does she think she has a shot with your brother? You really can't compare wealth with such an age difference. It's possible you will be just as rich in 10 years. You'll have to work hard to catch up in other ways. There's even leg-lengthening surgery to fix the height problem.
JasonThorn 23
If she's that shallow, trust me, OP, you're better off.
stickyface 17
Crap thinking on her part. Just because she noticed that you're not in the same league as your brother doesn't mean that you're not in the same league as her. Unless you're really not, in which case, I agree, your life sucks.