Anonymous · 23 November 2022, 10:00 ·Utica, United States

Tired of cooking for you ungrateful lot

Today, our freezer was full because my Dad got a free turkey from work. Thing is, my mom bought a pre-made ham, even though she knows my dad brings home a turkey every year. Why? Because of all the prep work that goes into making the turkey, including clearing out the kitchen, and throwing it into the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575 You deserved it 218

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Anonymous · 19 November 2022, 04:00 ·Australia

RIP

Today, while I was staying at a farm for a few nights, I got really connected to a chicken I met. It was so tame and really cuddly. I legit loved it so much. Later on, we had chicken for dinner. It was the same chicken. He also had a name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954 You deserved it 459

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Anonymous · 9 November 2022, 06:00

Get your own food, lady!

Today, I'm so nice, I allowed my landlady to use my freezer in the hallway. In exchange, she's so nice, she feels entitled to take my food being stored in said freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844 You deserved it 192

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·United States

Health goals

Today, in an attempt to be more healthy, I made myself a large fruit smoothie. I didn't think it could or would cause me to practically shart my rectum out my ass for the rest of the afternoon. The more you know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 622 You deserved it 2 919

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Anonymous · 6 November 2022, 10:00 ·Cambridge, Canada

Heartbreaking

Today, I learned that I'm highly allergic to onions. I love onions and they're in literally *everything*. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870 You deserved it 155

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Pam · 4 November 2022, 10:00 ·Santiago, Chile

Hangry

Today, I accidentally dropped the batch of bread that was ready for the oven, after waiting for two hours. We have nothing else to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897 You deserved it 197

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Anonymous · 24 October 2022, 18:00

Spice up your sound

Today, I was at lunch in a Mexican place and my earbud started to slip from my ear. No big deal, I moved my hand to catch it. Catch it in the open tortilla I just spread guacamole and sour cream on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 749

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i wonder why · 21 October 2022, 16:00 ·Federal Way, United States

You are what you eat

Today, my roommate still chooses to waste his money on McDonald's food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He politely refuses to eat my nutritious home-cooked meals that people say taste amazing. Then he complains that he's in a shitty mood all the time. I wonder why… FML

I agree, your life sucks 935 You deserved it 555

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selfish hungry baby · 11 October 2022, 14:00

Life imitates art

Today, I encountered the curry issue from 'Gavin and Stacey' when we ordered a takeaway, which my mom insisted we share around the table. I only eat tikka, and had no interest in trying anyone else's, but by the time two parents and three siblings had all had a taste of mine, there was only two mouthfuls left. I'm still hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832 You deserved it 247

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Anonymous · 9 October 2022, 17:30 ·United Kingdom

Recycling at its finest

Today, I was having a vegetarian meal at my date's house. She was very proud because she grew all the veggies herself; she even made the fertiliser herself. I was halfway through the meal before I asked what she meant by "made her own fertiliser." It was human shit; her own human shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569 You deserved it 244

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Finnbjoern · 8 October 2022, 16:30

Overdoing it

Today, I had 16 freakin' protein bars as a meal, the only meal of the day, as well as 5 apples after. I'm feeling like Yellowstone erupting in my guts right now. It hurts as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161 You deserved it 2 239

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Anonymous · 6 October 2022, 03:30 ·Australia

Well worth the money

Today, I'm on a certain diet. I had to have a green protein banana smoothie for breakfast. I shook it up, took a mouthful, and immediately started gagging. Apparently, the seal for the bottle had fallen in, and it got stuck in my throat. Luckily it was slimy and came out relatively easily. I paid $12 for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964 You deserved it 269

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Gimme the pizza

Today, I ordered a pizza over the phone from Pizza Hut. I turned at the store and waited for over 25 minutes. When they saw me sitting there for such a long time, they eventually asked what i was waiting for. I'd called the wrong Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 090 You deserved it 58 043

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Anonymous · 28 September 2022, 14:00 ·Bury, United Kingdom

Supportive

Today, I was involved in a car crash. When I told him, my boyfriend was more interested in what he was going to have for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996 You deserved it 136

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meat lover · 27 September 2022, 15:30

Never gonna happen

Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 478 You deserved it 220

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Pick out the picks · 24 September 2022, 22:30 ·United States

Pizza mystery

Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893 You deserved it 137

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SainsburysIsFine · 14 September 2022, 20:30

Muesli has gone too far

Today, the lady of the house managed to buy all of the nastiest, yet somehow most expensive, items in the shop. You'd think pricey food would be tasty, but apparently the posh thing is grass clippings and wood shavings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955 You deserved it 266

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Username · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·France

Headshot

Today, I decided to have a midnight snack. I figured I knew my own house well enough to leave the lights off so my mom wouldn't wake up. Chuckling at the brilliance of my plan, I walked straight into a doorframe and bust up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 209 You deserved it 31 382

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marie · 15 August 2022, 04:00 ·Denver, United States

What about king-size chocolate bars?

Today, I took away my daughter’s candy bar, saying, “Princesses never eat sweets.” She spent the next few hours crying, because she “didn’t want to be a princess anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 176 You deserved it 2 454

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Anonymous · 14 August 2022, 18:00

I'm proud to be selfish

Today, my wife picked an argument about me so-called being selfish because I buy myself sweets and certain drinks, and they make sit in the refrigerator for a long time. My stepson will then ask for them, and I say no. I just don’t believe in rewarding bad behavior. Plus it’s mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366 You deserved it 1 223

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Anonymous · 11 August 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Kinky

Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251 You deserved it 550

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Oh Lawd He Comin · 5 August 2022, 16:00 ·United States

How very dare you?

Today, I got tired of my cat trying to open the bag that contains his food when he literally has food in his bowl, so I put the bag on a high shelf he can't reach. Since then, he's been giving me all sorts of dirty looks whenever we're in the same room, to try and make me feel bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715 You deserved it 299

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hannah · 5 August 2022, 12:00

Are you calling me fat?

Today, I was talking on the internet about my goal to get back up to a healthy weight. Their responses consisted of, “Uh, don’t you mean DOWN?” No, I meant up. I had a stomach condition for months that made me puke if I so much as thought about food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893 You deserved it 144

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Golden~ · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Go to jail, donut pass go

Today, I found out that the school principal takes all the money from the school fundraisers to buy herself donuts. I'd donated over $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 076 You deserved it 5 496

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Anonymous · 25 July 2022, 04:00

It's all too much

Today, after my boyfriend dumped me, my job cut my hours, and my toddler got an ear infection, all I wanted was a takeaway after I finally got her to sleep. I fell asleep too and never heard the doorbell, so they left my food by the door where rats got at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 275 You deserved it 198

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Anonymous · 22 July 2022, 00:00

All grown up

Today, I made broccoli and peas with dinner. My girlfriend pouted, sulked, and refused to eat "yucky veggies", demanding fries or chips. Apparently, I'm dating a fucking toddler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149 You deserved it 259

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Anonymous · 13 July 2022, 22:00 ·Denver, United States

Gardener's World

Today, my dad was pissed and more concerned about his tomato plant being broken than the fact that I'd just tripped over it and hurt my knee. According to him, “It’s the best tomato plant we have.” Thanks for the concern dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507 You deserved it 672

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fishyrael · 12 July 2022, 06:00 ·East Lansing, United States

Eight hour window

Today, I got home an hour late from to find that my roommate had left the fridge open for the entire 8 hours. The kicker is that I was an hour late because I was at the grocery store, not buying the things that were getting ruined because I thought we had some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972 You deserved it 90

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Stupid_Chick · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Monster Munch

Today, I found out that my family hides food from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 627 You deserved it 19 563

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Anonymous · 10 July 2022, 06:00

Gassy

Today, we had cabbage. A lot of cabbage. The farts are so horrid I can barely stand myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673 You deserved it 283

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