Birds

The chase

By Paula - 05/11/2024 12:00 - Canada

Today, I went for a "relaxing" walk on a local trail. I got chased by an angry goose halfway back to my car. Apparently, it didn’t appreciate my "peaceful" attempt to take a selfie with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 967

Alexa, play "I Ran" by A Flock of Seagulls

By John - 10/07/2013 02:48 - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 108

You deserved it 50 786

Invaded

By somanybirds - 25/04/2017 14:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, while using a doorless restroom at the beach, a pack of seagulls rushed into my stall, followed by a group of kids chasing them. I guess the noise from tearing open a pad sounded enough like a bag of chips for them to think there was food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 833

You deserved it 332

Like and subscribe!

By Anonymous - 11/07/2026 09:00 - Canada

Today, after I bought a giant bag of birdseed yesterday because birds kept visiting my balcony, I woke up to dozens of pigeons waiting outside my door like I'd accidentally started a subscription service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 394

The turkeys fight back

By Anonymous - 12/04/2015 18:29 - United States - South Burlington

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 165

You deserved it 2 952

By Sarah - 18/07/2019 12:00

Today, I had the mole on my neck removed. By my pet bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 201

Gone bird

By Whoops - 06/06/2011 01:44 - United States

Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 762

You deserved it 4 538

Repetition

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 10:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, it was my first time with a new boyfriend. We had sex in my living room. He asked if he could "eat my pussy." This has became my parakeet's new favorite phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 423

Grooming tips

By love bitten - 14/07/2021 16:01 - Australia

Today, after two months of having a bird, she finally trusts me enough to perch on and even preen me. Unfortunately, it seems she thinks my freckles are lice and she's made it her mission to bite them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 169

Damn birds!

By Anonymous - 18/08/2026 12:00 - France - Lille

Today, a pigeon flew into my apartment through an open window. I tried for 20 minutes to guide it back outside. It eventually left on its own, then immediately flew back in through the window again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 94

You were warned

By kko - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a man next to me was feeding the birds when he ran out of food. We were at Adventure Island and there were "Do not feed the birds" signs everywhere. The birds then became aggressive and started savaging the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 693

You deserved it 4 906

Everyone's a critic

By rc2981 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Australia - Perth

Today, artwork that I had been working on for months was destroyed, leaving me almost in tears. The culprit? A lonely pigeon who'd got into the room and shat all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 542

You deserved it 5 187

No, Drake, no

By dumb cats - 24/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking near a pond when we saw a drake forcefully mating with a duck. She burst into tears and demanded I stop them. When I told her no, that it’s just nature and thats how they breed, she dumped me for supporting and "enabling rape." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 246

You deserved it 738

All planned out

By Annoyed - 04/07/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, after I'd spent ages planning a surprise proposal at the beach, right as I got down on one knee, a seagull swooped in, stole the sandwich from my backpack, and everyone on the beach turned to watch the bird instead of us. My partner had to ask, "Were you about to propose?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 106

Stained for life

By Chris - 08/03/2023 18:00 - Ireland

Today, I went to a job interview wearing what I consider to be my lucky shirt. On my way to the interview, a bird dropped a load of bird poop on my shirt, and I didn't have time to change. During the interview, the interviewer kept staring at the poop stain on my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 151

Get lost

By Anonymous - 28/04/2024 22:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I had to spend at least 30 minutes, at 3 in the morning, shooting BBs at a mateless whip-poor-will to scare it off so I could sleep. It was making noise in a tree right outside my window. I feel for you my dude, but you're doing the equivalent of drunk texting an ex and crying into your beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 410

Get the **** outta here, kid

By Anonymous - 07/02/2023 16:00

Today, I tried to take a picture next to a peacock, but ended up running away with a face and mouth full of feathers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 947

This is going to get old pretty quick

By Mike Messenger - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 368

You deserved it 3 518

Sky the killer

By omnomnom - 05/02/2011 00:29 - Canada

Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 105

You deserved it 8 056

Snap!

By wheelchairgirl - 16/12/2016 01:21 - Denmark

Today, I was watching a beautiful flock of birds flying overhead while walking in the street. The guy next to me was lucky enough to catch bird poop with his forehead. I was lucky enough to get distracted by it, trip, and break my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 414

You deserved it 1 132

Polly wants it

By Kelly - 23/07/2020 02:01

Today, at work, I booked a vet appointment for an African Gray to get a birth control implant. I didn’t even know that was a thing and I definitely never thought that a parrot would have a more active sex life than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 487

You deserved it 187

Knowledge is power

By asuramaru - 24/10/2019 16:00

Today, at 19 years-old, I found out that kiwi birds aren’t actually extinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 1 304

Baby bird blues

By nerderer - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Duluth

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 448

You deserved it 11 712

Mind your own beeswax

By Anonymous - 27/10/2022 00:00 - Australia

Today, a stranger at a bird show yelled at me for owning an "unnatural and irresponsibly bred" hybrid lorikeet. He's a rescue who was horribly abused in his last home. Fuck me for giving a shit about animals even if they're not pure I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 117

Impressive

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 765

You deserved it 19 570

Get out!

By birdhater - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, the bird that has been stuck in my roof for two days, keeping me awake at night, finally flew out of the roof and into the house. As I was opening the door to send it outside, it flew straight back up into the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 208

You deserved it 2 751

Flipped the bird

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 05:59

Today, a client walked into my store with a duck in her hands. I had to explain to her that she couldn't bring the bird shopping with her. We got a 1-star review. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 144

Morning glory

By aqua88 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Malaysia

Today, I found out that our water tank has had a dead crow rotting in it for days. I took showers and brushed my teeth with dead crow soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 815

You deserved it 3 380

Definitely didn't miss that one

By BirdWatching - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, after moving to the big city, and missing the natural world from my tiny, 10th floor apartment, I bought a window bird feeder. Within half an hour, it had fallen off, landed on, and killed a pigeon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 402

You deserved it 830

Enjoy the sirens

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 04:00

Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 206

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The Top

Today, for the first time in a while I decided to wear a skirt. Everytime I sit down my thighs trap air and make a farting sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 282

You deserved it 2 819

Today, I went into a store for an interview. I've had several places wanting to talk to me and this job was a lot lower paying. I got a little cocky and when offered the job, I said I wanted some time to finish my other interviews first and see what my options were. The manager then took back his offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 732

You deserved it 27 751

Today, I invited a guy I've been crushing on for ages to my house, and I really wanted to make a good impression. We were sitting in the living room having drinks when my cat came in, dragging a pair of my dirty underwear and dropped them right in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 608

You deserved it 4 528

Today, I came back from vacation only to find my 16-year-old son was throwing a party with over 30 kids in our house. My 33-year-old sister was having fun dancing on a table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 354

You deserved it 6 446

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to use an electric sander on my arm during our construction class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 854

You deserved it 393

Today, I found out that my mother changed all the locks of the house and threw away all of my girlfriend's stuff. I don't know what the fuck happened there. I actually bought the house two years ago because I had enought of her being nosey and controlling with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 696

You deserved it 136