Today, my girlfriend and I were walking near a pond when we saw a drake forcefully mating with a duck. She burst into tears and demanded I stop them. When I told her no, that it’s just nature and thats how they breed, she dumped me for supporting and "enabling rape." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as my new boyfriend was taking me home from our first date, a family of ducks walked across the road. I yelled at him to stop, but he ran over every single one of them. His logic? “They shouldn’t have been in the way,” and it was “natural selection anyway for them being so stupid.” FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my uncle was showing the scars he got fighting a wolf in defence of his wife. On the drive home, my girlfriend dumped me because she could never see me being man enough to fight a wolf for her. She made me stop the car so she could catch a bus back to her mom's house and never see me again. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride in a paddle-boat. He decided it would be fun to paddle near the fountain. The fountain decided it would be fun to shower me, him and all of our things in filthy, stinking duck water. I had to ride the bus home by myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML
Today, my boyfriend realised that I’m from the part of Louisiana where we hunt gators for food, and dumped me because he doesn’t want to be a city boy who ends up fathering redneck kids, and having to sail through swamps to visit the in-laws. FML
Today, I'm moving to the barn. Two weeks ago I bought my girlfriend the birthday gift she most wanted: two ducklings. They’re scatting everywhere but she eats, cuddles, and sleeps with them in our bed. I asked if they could go live outside and she said, "No, you can." FML
Today, my girlfriend punched me in the face, then broke up with me because apparently she'd proved that I’m a pussy who won’t stand up for myself or fight back if attacked, so if we were robbed on the street, she wouldn’t trust me to protect her. What kind of logic is this? Good riddance, psycho. FML
Today, my girlfriend haltingly dumped me over the phone. Faint splashes punctuated her grunting, straining sounds. FML
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Top comments
Charlie Given 28
Umm sounds like she may be a rape survivor and seeing that was a trigger.
RichardPencil 32
Was Drake telling the duck it was "God's Plan?"
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Comments (15)
alex_jaguara 33
You don't want to breed with that thing anyway, I hope.
Bubbilility 27
I think it's normal for most people to not want to breed with a duck.
Charlie Given 28
Umm sounds like she may be a rape survivor and seeing that was a trigger.
tido26 18
True, but as an adult they should also realize while it's not an ideal thing to witness, that pulling them apart would cause a lot of physical trauma to the animals (just like why you're not supposed to pull dogs apart when they're mating)
therainbowfaerie_ 8
Sounds luke your girlfriend needs some support, I hope she gets it ❤
Crowned Sataness 12
you dodged a bullet. let her go. there's no happy future with someone that high strung and fragile.
RichardPencil 32
Was Drake telling the duck it was "God's Plan?"
Jack Mckernan 4
A Drake is a male duck.
Isaac Shields 9
stupidity should not breed
Bogrbon 27
Ducks, especially male ducks, are pretty despicable if you apply human morality to them. They are pretty much rapists. #yesallducks
Bubbilility 27
No one explain dolphins to her.
coius 23
Most other animal species are too. Just saying. This is nature. Humans evolved a different criteria for breeding due to our higher thinking. Biggest/strongest isnt the highest point on the scale as much as intelligence and ability to navigate difficult social and economic factors which apply only to the human race.
Talented73 54
And if you had interfered, BOTH birds probably would have attacked you, and you would have found out what a large.... pecker.... the male had....
Brightside86 31
Interesting thing about birds most don't have penis female birds through selective breeding basically just got rid of it. Ducks are different they've got a corkscrew penis evolved to basically make it harder for the females to have control of the breeding selection process.
Yummi_913 18
So basically it would have been incredibly painful if he interrupted right?
frogface_fml 7
My daughter when she was a teenager saw two ducks mating and thought he was drowning the female. When I told her what was really happening she wasn't any happier.