Today, working as a cashier, I had a customer come through and ask to purchase a bag of ice. I asked, "Eight pound or twenty pound?", referring to the clearly marked weight of the bags. He replied, "What's the difference?" FML
Today, my boyfriend's ex moved into the apartment beneath us. She's already called the cops on us for a noise complaint twice. We were sleeping. It's going to be a long year. FML
Today, a girl came up and hugged me. At first I was frightened, but then I asked who she was. Turns out she was the kid I babysat for 3 years. She cried when she realized I didn't remember her, then threw gravel in my face and ran away. FML
haleymcaldwell tells us more.
I babysat for her when she was 3-6 and it's been a long time, years. She looks incredibly different. She used to be blonde, for instance, and now has dark brown hair.
Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML
Alice99_fml tells us more.
I feel like my post didn't have enough information. No, my sister did not know we were together. I had not introduced him to my family yet. Yes, I did break up with him. No, I did not feel bad about it. Yes, my sister ended it with him after I told her what was going on.
Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML
Today, the day before I'm supposed to leave for a long-anticipated trip to Europe, my mother admitted that she's never paid for it. She only told me she did so I would stop hinting that I wanted to go. I gave up Christmas for this trip. FML
MyUsernameIsBest tells us more.
Hello all, OP here! :] I must say that I am so surprised that my late night ranting on FML made it on the site. XD Well I thought I'd elaborate a bit. x] First of all, it was a trip with my high school AP European History class to Italy and France. It was all planned out, everything was included in what we pay online, and I already had gotten my passport. I got a part time job early last year when I found out about it to help pay for the trip, and I earned almost $850 to put towards funding it, as well as earned my own spending money. I had to give her the money because the tickets were being paid for from her account. I have no clue what happened to the money I gave my mom for the trip, but for the record she was not supposed to pay for the entire trip. A few days after I gave her the money I had earned, she texted me while I was at school telling me that she had signed me up for the trip and that it was paid for, so I stopped reminding her about it. She had already told me that if I helped earn money for the trip I could go. Secondly, the "I gave up Christmas" part referred to the fact that I agreed with my parents that I would be willing to give up getting presents on Christmas this year and the last to somewhat make up for the money they were putting towards this trip. On Christmas last year I got nothing, but I was fine with it because I was expecting to be going on this trip. They didn't tell me then that I wasn't going, they just didn't get me anything and let me keep believing. Thirdly, by "hinting", I literally just meant occasionally hinting that I wanted to go on the trip. I left the brochure laying around, forwarded emails from my teacher about fundraising options, mentioned it when my mother asked about my day at school etc. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a dang coward about inconveniencing people, never asking for things, never getting in people's way and always trying to avoid causing them trouble.. But when I realized I really wanted to go on this trip, I went about hinting about it, I wouldn't say that I was pestering her all that much. x] I did remind her about paying, but only after she told me I could go if I got a job to help pay for it. :P On the bright side, at least I have the spending money I saved up. :P
Today, I found out that shirt sizes don't get longer, they get wider. Being 6ft4, every shirt I try on makes me look like a cheap stripper. FML
Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML
Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML
Today, my husband got mad at me for not helping take out the groceries from the car. He yelled that I'm lazy, and that he regrets our marriage. I guess he forgot that the door handle on that side is broken and he had to let me out of the car. FML
Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML
Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML
Today, a drunken customer blindsided me after I told him I would not be giving him a free drink after I watched him put his own hair in it. FML
Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML
Today, I was quizzing a girl at my college, and I noticed that when she answered a question, her ears wiggled. It was cute, so I pointed it out. She burst into tears, and the guy next to me said, "Way to make her feel insecure, douchebag." FML
Tao26 tells us more.
Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML
Today, my husband and I went for our 20 week scan and found out we're having a girl. The first thing he said to me was, "The next one better be a boy or I'm leaving you". FML
Today, after doing vigorous chores all day with my girlfriend, her mom came and paid us each $100. My girlfriend cried and threw a fit because she said they were her chores, so she deserves all the money. FML
Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML
Today, after working all week on a group project, I realized I forgot to submit the assignment and missed the deadline. I now have to tell my group that we automatically failed. FML
lax52389 tells us more.
lax52389 4
FYI it was an honest mistake and the paper was only turned in 8 minutes late...after some frantic talks with my teacher she agreed not to penalize my group and just deduct points from me. Lesson learned!!
Today, somebody broke into my car, just to steal the obviously fake $1,000,000 bill hanging from my rear-view mirror. FML
Today, I heard my dad complaining that he won't be able to go to a concert, because it's happening on my birthday. This is the first time he's even acknowledged my birthday in over ten years. FML
Today, my boyfriend moved out and took all his things with him. He also took some things that didn't belong to him, namely my rent money. My landlord comes tomorrow. FML
Today, after hours of organizing and spending around $300 for my three-year-old's birthday party, I realized I forgot to send out the invitations. FML
NiteShayd tells us more.
NiteShayd 10
Let me clarify, since its very cold outside, I decided to rent a play area for my son and his friends. I was to send the invitations in his bag when he went to preschool, but I evidently forgot. The $300 was for everything, the cake, gifts, play area rental, food and a clown. I ended up making some last minute calls and quite a few people showed up.
Today, while I was working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML
Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML
Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML
Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML
Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Today, my girlfriend "got even" with me after an argument by telling people that I've been beating her. Three guys later came over to my place and beat the crap out of me. Her reaction: "I didn't think they'd take it so serious!" FML
JayDNut tells us more.
JayDNut 1
OP here. The argument was over where we'd spend Christmas (her family or mine) and I was adamant we'd spend it at mine after spending the previous at hers. No bones were broken (am missing a tooth, however) although I'm a maze of bruises and swelling. We're no longer together now. Thanks for all the supporting messages!
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