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skcmcpk's favorite FMLs
by sorkin15 / 03/24/2016 at 5:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, after weeks of debating with myself, I finally got the courage to ask out my best friend of 9 years. She turned me down, saying that dating me would be like adopting a puppy, and she doesn't want that kind of responsibility. FML
by adoptablepuppy / 01/28/2016 at 8:17pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I was out with my brother and his group of very cute friends at a Cheesecake Factory. When the server came to take our orders, she asked me what kind of sauce I liked. Like a complete fuckwit, I blurted, "I like creamy white stuff." The guy across from me choked on his water. FML
by Bex98 / 01/11/2016 at 3:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/31/2015 at 4:26pm / New Zealand / Transportation
by whatthefuck / 12/27/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
by BadLuck / 12/21/2015 at 6:45am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Kids
Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML
by anthony / 11/25/2015 at 7:32am / Luxembourg / Miscellaneous
by not impressed / 10/09/2015 at 2:27pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2015 at 2:02pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/08/2015 at 11:10am / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, an elderly gentleman customer decided to tell me that while I'm not attractive at all, he'd still bang me all the same. Then he gave me a pained smile, like he was struggling not to shit himself, and left. I'm starting to hate working retail. FML
Today, I'm staying at my grandparents' house. I went upstairs to grab my sketchbook to show off to my grandma. My grandpa is half-deaf, which I guess explains how he didn't hear me. I heard him though, jerking off and muttering the most disgusting sexual things about "Tara." I'm Tara. FML
by T-Bear / 10/07/2015 at 11:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anon Y. Mous / 10/02/2015 at 12:24am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML
by horp / 09/29/2015 at 6:00pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML
by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We… Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I… Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that…