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failalltheway's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out that you can give your grandpa a Vietnam flashback when you set off a leftover firecracker from New Years. I also found out that a 76 year old hits pretty fucking hard when freaking out. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 11:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner / 11/16/2015 at 1:44am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by itisobviouseinstein / 09/29/2015 at 11:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML
by horp / 09/29/2015 at 6:00pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, I spilled the bowl of cat food I'd just filled. I picked it all up in front of my cat, but he refused to eat any of it. I had to put the food back into the packet and fill the bowl all over again. My cat is a prince. FML
by princeronron / 09/07/2015 at 10:02pm / Switzerland (Vaud) / Animals
Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML
by Alice / 08/30/2015 at 8:13am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working security at my job, for the second time, a man with Down's Syndrome entered the store, went to one of the demo computers, opened YouTube, pulled up a video of oiled women wrestling and jerked off. There is no protocol in the handbook for how to deal with this scenario. FML
by Bishop423 / 07/22/2015 at 12:21am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML
by HiddlePuff / 05/14/2015 at 8:42am / Australia / Work
by yupthissucks / 04/13/2015 at 5:00am / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
by Sam / 04/01/2015 at 7:37am / Netherlands (Groningen) / Work
Today, on my day off, I received a call from my boss asking why I wasn't at work yet. After getting dressed and an hour-long train ride later, I got there only to find out that it was an April Fool's prank. I had to take the train back home. FML
by IDontGetPaidEnoughForThisShit / 03/31/2015 at 10:15pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation / 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by beccadabeast / 06/30/2014 at 2:44am / United States (Arizona) / Animals
- Today, I sent my romantic interest a sexy text about a dream I had about a "sex gameshow." I sent… Today, I realized that my husband and I are at that point in our marriage where "sleeping together"… Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When…