Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (7 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 9498
  • Number of comments : 137
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About cocainewhore : Heavy fucking metal.

cocainewhore's page activity

Visits<b>Jeeper4Life</b> - 17 hours ago<b>thalheimer15</b> - 18 hours ago<b>vigoss</b> - yesterday at 4:10am<b>Iwtumn</b> - yesterday at 12:40pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - yesterday at 12:18pm<b>sexymomo1234</b> - the 10/05/2015 at 11:55pm<b>random_funnygirl</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 12:46pm<b>pks2014</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 9:35am<b>enginsteve</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 5:09am<b>Much2Much4U</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 3:37am<b>theBalloonPerson</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 12:31pm<b>eustonr</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 11:05am<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 10:42pm<b>boeglie</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 9:19pm<b>terryaly</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 2:23pm<b>bandaidstations</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 2:22pm<b>UndeadCity9</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 12:42am<b>pokysmalls</b> - the 09/15/2015 at 6:12pm

Fucked!<b>random_funnygirl</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 6:46pm<b>pks2014</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 3:35pm<b>enginsteve</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 11:09am<b>eustonr</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 5:05pm<b>UndeadCity9</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 6:42am<b>pokysmalls</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 12:12am<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 5:39am<b>gshocker20</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 3:14pm<b>paravoz</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 8:02am<b>int15</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 7:14pm<b>NoName011</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 3:31pm<b>jsan727</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 12:24pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 12:34pm<b>jacky75</b> - the 05/22/2015 at 4:40am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 2:45pm<b>tori4626</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 9:27pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 1:53am<b>shouldntbehere</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 2:34pm

cocainewhore's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of cocainewhore's badges

cocainewhore's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad and I got into an argument. When I was proven wrong, he said, "Good job, genius." I shot back the first thing that popped into my head, which was "I am not a genius!" He laughed and says that if I die before him, he's having that engraved on my tombstone. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34458) - you deserved it (13498)

On 04/25/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML


I agree, your life sucks (54307) - you deserved it (14650)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend of 3 years believes sex before marriage or even me just jacking off is a big no, doing online strip-shows for money is a big yes for her. Both times that I've proposed, she claimed she isn't "ready" for marriage. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47087) - you deserved it (9150)

On 04/20/2014 at 1:58pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML


I agree, your life sucks (52448) - you deserved it (4410)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (62623) - you deserved it (9694)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML


I agree, your life sucks (55639) - you deserved it (5040)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46260) - you deserved it (7515)

On 04/13/2014 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML


I agree, your life sucks (69987) - you deserved it (35462)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, I found out that my three closest online friends are the same person: my obsessive ex. I met all three before he and I even started dating. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42706) - you deserved it (5459)

On 04/06/2014 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44173) - you deserved it (13719)

On 04/05/2014 at 1:48pm - work - by =( (woman) - United States (Texas)

G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML
  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

Friday 2 October 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: