Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (3 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 9471
  • Number of comments : 135
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About cocainewhore : Heavy fucking metal.

cocainewhore's page activity

Visits<b>sexymomo1234</b> - yesterday at 11:55pm<b>random_funnygirl</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 12:46pm<b>pks2014</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 9:35am<b>enginsteve</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 5:09am<b>Much2Much4U</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 3:37am<b>theBalloonPerson</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 12:31pm<b>eustonr</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 11:05am<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 10:42pm<b>boeglie</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 9:19pm<b>terryaly</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 2:23pm<b>bandaidstations</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 2:22pm<b>UndeadCity9</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 12:42am<b>pokysmalls</b> - the 09/15/2015 at 6:12pm<b>DA3Z</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 11:17am<b>satt8404</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 6:58am<b>americanafrican</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 3:01pm<b>_ExcitedPotato_</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 10:34am<b>aj9319</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 8:30am

Fucked!<b>random_funnygirl</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 6:46pm<b>pks2014</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 3:35pm<b>enginsteve</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 11:09am<b>eustonr</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 5:05pm<b>UndeadCity9</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 6:42am<b>pokysmalls</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 12:12am<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 5:39am<b>gshocker20</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 3:14pm<b>paravoz</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 8:02am<b>int15</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 7:14pm<b>NoName011</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 3:31pm<b>jsan727</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 12:24pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 12:34pm<b>jacky75</b> - the 05/22/2015 at 4:40am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 2:45pm<b>tori4626</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 9:27pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 1:53am<b>shouldntbehere</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 2:34pm

cocainewhore's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!


You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of cocainewhore's badges

cocainewhore's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (37986) - you deserved it (12677)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43610) - you deserved it (7348)

On 07/22/2014 at 4:44am - love - by and the truth comes out (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to take my cat to the vet. On the way there, he managed to get out of his cage, climb into the front seat, onto my chest, and howl in my face as I tried to drive down the highway. I ended up with stitches and still got charged for missing my cat's appointment. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41397) - you deserved it (5548)

On 07/21/2014 at 6:49pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, intending to break up with him. Instead, I was greeted by his whole family throwing me a surprise party. I had to sit and listen to his whole family talk about what a great couple we are and how we're going to last forever. FML


I agree, your life sucks (56542) - you deserved it (9088)

On 07/20/2014 at 1:59pm - love - by I Feel Horrible - United States (California)

Today, I was using a public restroom. After about a minute of me being in there, a little girl came in and started pounding on the door, screaming that she had to go. My pregnancy hormones are so bad that I almost burst into tears. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38121) - you deserved it (17127)

On 07/18/2014 at 9:04pm - misc - by LissaMccracken (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a face time. Busted. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33301) - you deserved it (51270)

On 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by Ob3nie - United States (California)

Today, I decided to try something new with my boyfriend, and sexted him. My text ended up sounding so stupid that I panicked and quickly sent another saying "SORRY WRONG PERSON". FML

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42466) - you deserved it (6270)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML


I agree, your life sucks (64464) - you deserved it (8330)

On 07/13/2014 at 3:46am - intimacy - by NoSexForMe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML


I agree, your life sucks (43706) - you deserved it (3804)

On 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm - misc - by look how totally not racist I am! - United States (California)

Today, my teenage daughter faked a suicide because I bought her a Samsung instead of an iPhone for her birthday. FML


I agree, your life sucks (59629) - you deserved it (12715)

On 07/04/2014 at 8:15pm - kids - by iphonerevolution - South Africa

Today, my 11-year-old son and I took an IQ test for a laugh. To be honest, I've often suspected that I may have some form of mental retardation, but I didn't expect to get a score of 79, while he got one of 114. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44261) - you deserved it (7155)

On 07/04/2014 at 6:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, my 6-year-old brother showed me the "books" he's been writing for the past week. My parents, who are first-generation immigrants, want him to take the books to school to show everyone. My only problem with this? The main character's name is "Wanker". FML


I agree, your life sucks (39168) - you deserved it (3556)

On 07/01/2014 at 5:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool and some rope. FML


I agree, your life sucks (60541) - you deserved it (5721) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/01/2014 at 12:55am - love - by NosChersVoisins - France (Aquitaine)

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52116) - you deserved it (3825)

On 06/29/2014 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML
  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

Friday 2 October 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: