Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 17:49

Today, I realized my five year old, whom I’ve been potty training for a year old, is so lazy that she chooses, yes, CHOOSES to urinate herself because she “doesn’t feel like getting up to use the potty”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 18

By Lonelygirl - 23/07/2018 00:14 - Mexico - Puebla

Today, someone broke into my parents house (where I live at my 19 y/o age) while I was at work, my mom blames me for not being home so she is kicking me out. She also won't talk to me again and turned my family against me... the robber only took a blender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 4

By Regret - 22/07/2018 21:53 - Canada - Whitby

Today, my girlfriend, who is a barefoot, convinced me to go on a walk without my shoes. It was pretty enjoyable until I stepped in a huge pile of dog shit. I’ll never get my foot clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 20

By Li'l ticked - 22/07/2018 23:12

Today, my sister, who moved in with me, after a failed marriage and lives effectively bill free (AND owns a horse) - applied for her holiday visa to the States so she can go to a wedding with a guy she met on Tinder (2 dates to confirm he's not a psycho). Parents say I'm wrong for saying no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 6

By Hard to stay on - 22/07/2018 21:59 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, I suddenly lost my erection, we had to stop and sit in awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 5

By Braindeadtraveller - 22/07/2018 21:17

Today, I am going on holiday to Thailand. I am flying with an airline I use regularly and I assumed the baggage allowance would be the same as it usually is... here I sit, having paid for an extra 10kg, all because I didn’t bother to check. That’s money could have bought me another plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 46

By "someone something " - 22/07/2018 20:41

Today, I got home from a week long EEG at one hospital. Six hours later I was feeling extreme pain in my stomach so I go to the ER at a different hospital to find out I have kidney stones. I was in 2 different hospitals on the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 4

By Bad first impression - 22/07/2018 09:39 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I had a meeting with my company’s founder. On the way to my office some idiot threw a slash at me and ruined my suit. Not wanting to be late, I changed into the only clothes I had. That’s how I met my founder wearing a T-shirt, shorts, and flip flops while everyone else wore a suit. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 22/07/2018 14:03

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to pee. At least that’s what I thought I was doing. In reality, I dreamt I got up, and therefore proceeded to wake up to me pissing myself. I was in my boyfriend’s bed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 21/07/2018 19:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today my boyfriend of 3 years informed me that he can't get off during sex because I'm bigger. Apparently my size is a turn off to him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 11

By DatingPro - 22/07/2018 00:33 - Austria - Vienna

Today, the girl I have been warming things up with for 9 months told me she was ready to sleep with me for the first time. Clearly she was ready, as she was asleep 5 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 7

By Medic93 - 21/07/2018 22:29

Today, after being gone for a grueling 2 months of military training. I finally came home to my girlfriend of 2 years. As soon as I sat down on the couch, she said we need to talk. She was telling me she was moving halfway across the country. And was taking one of our dogs with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 8

By David melt - 21/07/2018 19:00

Today, I tried to cancel a holiday as we can no longer afford the payments. The cancellation charge is more than the 1st months repayment. I can't afford the payment nevermind the charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 9

By lonely girl - 21/07/2018 17:55

Today, my boyfriend of 2.5 years would rather talk to and spend time with his friend’s girlfriend rather than talk to me. I’m sitting right next to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 8

By whydoesthishappentome? - 21/07/2018 04:44

Today, my 15 year old sister told my family she was pregnant. I’m 26 and still a virgin… not by choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 7

By neverversary - 21/07/2018 03:51

Today, I gave my boyfriend a gift for our one-year anniversary. They turned out to be a scam: I had paid for a pair of Shaq basketball shoes... to find that they were both left feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 21/07/2018 00:20

Today I saw my boyfriend had a hickey on his neck, so when I called him out on it he said it was a sunburn. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

By "Natassy" - 20/07/2018 20:30

Today my car was broken into. The only thing they took: my jack. The same they used to steal the wheels of a car further down the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 3

By ghostring - 20/07/2018 06:19

Today, my daughter told me “I should just drop everything and join the Yakuza.” She’s 5 and I have no idea where she learned that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 9

By "hellphone_fml" - 20/07/2018 06:08

Today, I was woken up by a cop who said I hit my neighbor's car the day before. I just came home from Mexico and they don't want to drop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 2

By Jumpman jumpman - 20/07/2018 13:56 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum had some friends over for lunch. Bored wandering around the house and not wanting to disturb them, I followed my sister to the toilet to scare her as she came out. When the door opened I jumped towards her and screamed loudly. She screamed loudly too. My mother’s friend, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 74

By Luna1232 - 19/07/2018 23:06 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I went to my boyfriends house, and trying to be suggestive, I undid the top few buttons of my shirt, and put myself out there for once. He then says “let’s put those away” buttons my shirt back up, and sits on a chair next to his bed while I sit on his bed all alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 16

By LPS8585 - 20/07/2018 04:21

Today, I was fired from an assistant management position because my general manager wanted to give her deadbeat husband that couldn’t keep a job, my position and hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 4

By "xilox" - 19/07/2018 17:50 - Jamaica - May Pen

Today my daughter boyfriend came over for the first time when I got downstairs, I realize it's the same man I slept with last night... FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 46

By Sam27 - 19/07/2018 23:21

Today, after weeks of being promised I would be moved to a managerial position I was told it's not going to happen. And they were blatantly upfront about it is my physical disability as to why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 6

By pokeydokeyartichokey - 19/07/2018 19:23

Today, I am a guy and my two best friends are girls. Both are now pregnant, not speaking to each other, and I have to deal with both of them bitching to me bout each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 12

By TheClown - 19/07/2018 09:36

Today, I got offered a job at the circus. Why? They told me my face looks funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 6

By "buckstop1" - 19/07/2018 08:23

Today, I discovered that I derive more pleasure from scratching my balls than from receiving fellatio from my girlfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 9

By weezie757 - 19/07/2018 07:43

Today, I accidentally threw my keys in the hotdog and ketchup filled garbage can at Costco. Some poor kids had to spend 30 mins sifting through all that crap to find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 51

By Anonymous - 18/07/2018 23:52

Today, my family thinks I’m such a complete loner that my sisters are trying to invite me to go out with them and their friends to karaoke. Apparently when I turned 20 I turned into a lazy fart according to my mother and they're trying to find ways to “fix me.” Problem is I realize they’re right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 43

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, after spending months building my boss 3 websites and finishing them, I was fired via a short email, saying she didn't need my help anymore. I only worked for her for 3 months, so basically I stopped being useful when I finished her websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 106

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to play Twister. Her parents watched us the whole time, making sure we didn't touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 775

You deserved it 2 751

Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 358

You deserved it 4 720

Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 380

You deserved it 3 112

Today, I was at Costco, with my six year-old and my baby. I turned my back on them to grab something off a shelf and heard the baby scream. I turned around and saw my son dumping a gallon jug of mayonnaise all over my baby in his stroller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 141

Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 070

You deserved it 23 842