Nearly FMLs

By sadgirlfriend - 13/07/2018 22:54 - United States - San Diego

Today, as my ex and I were about to get back together, a girl he slept with messaged him to tell him she's pregnant. He left me and is going to try to be a family with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 16

By Ummm - 14/07/2018 06:00

Today, I woke up after having an intense sexual dream about my own father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 13

By em. - 13/07/2018 14:59 - United States - Marion

Today, at 8 am, I was awoken by a group Facebook messenger my friends made awhile back for the plans I wasn’t invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 7

By shitluck00 - 13/07/2018 20:07

Today, the girl I’ve been talking to for more than a year online and was looking forward to seeing her when she came to visit later this year told me that she no longer has feelings for me, but maybe we could still be ‘good friends’. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 12

By Bren - 13/07/2018 10:08

Today, I found out that my best friend of 6 years chose someone who she has only known for 2 years to be the godmother of her new baby. I was there throughout the whole pregnancy while the other friend is no where to be found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 8

By Kelly - 13/07/2018 06:10

Today, I was working at the till at my waitressing job. A guy in his mid 50s comes up and asks if the apple strudels can be warmed up. Just as I tell him we have a microwave, he mumbles: "I mean I can always heat it up with my hands... or other body part." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

By Girl_burning - 13/07/2018 01:27

Today, I'm stuck in bed with 40 degree fever and in incredible pain because my idiot body decided that getting intimate with my boyfriend twice last week was too much of a burden to not get a bladder- infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 13

By Pikachu's God-Dad - 12/07/2018 14:53 - United States - New York

Today, at home we tried a new juice drink, which was said to be good. It was, in fact, so good that the kids started to go "ah!". My godchild decided to overact her "ah", sounding like she just had a really good orgasm. The kids just laughed, but the adults gave me the look. She's 7 by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 10

By WhyAmISick? - 12/07/2018 19:13

Today, I woke up thinking that the stomach flu I had last night was gone. Then, I trusted a fart and had diarrhea on my hardwood floor. I quickly grabbed Lysol to clean it up and it stained the floor. Now I have a permanent reminder of crapping on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 14

By Art - 12/07/2018 10:53 - United States - Westfield

Today, I needed to call the work IT help desk because I couldn't answer a challenge question "where did you meet your significant other". I had to tell the technician I didn't have an answer because I was single when I created my passwords, and am still single a year later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 9

By Clean-Up-Aisle-2 - 11/07/2018 23:32 - Canada

Today, while sick with a cold and some stomach issues, I sneezed so hard that I shit my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 12/07/2018 02:31

Today, I finally decided to try and build a relationship with my dad, who my mom threw out years ago when I was still a baby. When I looked him up to see where he lived now, the first result was his obituary. He died five years ago. Nobody told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 5

By Mam - 11/07/2018 23:23

Today, my husband and I just finished being intimate and he rolls over and sings "what can I say except you're welcome..." from Moana. Instant mood killer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 11

By Kenton - 11/07/2018 23:06

Today, my older brother called me in the middle of the night. I thought he may have been in serious danger, so I picked up. Turns out he just wanted to describe, in painstakingly elaborate detail, the Yamaha commercial he just watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 5

By cannonstar - 11/07/2018 23:04

Today, my lab partner requested to be switched with someone else, and the teacher assigned me a different lab partner. He also requested a switch, and the teacher assigned me to all the students one by one who all switched until I ended up being paired with the teacher. This always happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 17

By Odere - 11/07/2018 20:55

Today, the guy I had a crush on asked me out. He bailed at the last moment, just like the other five or six times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 25

By Anonymous - 11/07/2018 18:27

Today, and for the last four months, I’ve had chronic diarrhea and I don’t know why. I visited a doctor who gave me some laxatives to empty my bowels so we can find the problem. As it turns out, the solution to diarrhea is more diarrhea. I’ve taken a dump 24 times and counting since last night. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 6

By cperagui - 11/07/2018 18:13

Today, I was in class and I had to go to the bathroom really bad. My teacher made me wait like ten minutes before I could go and I ended up walking into the guy's bathroom. I ran into my crush. He was jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 10

By fcukingoverit - 11/07/2018 21:00 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today I found out that the manager of my job is going to bully one of the workers to the point of wanting to quit so she doesn’t have to fire them for personal reasons even after saying that they are amazing at their job. That person is me FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 4

By don't taze me bro! - 11/07/2018 07:00

Today, mom decided to flex her authoritative muscles by kicking my brother out, stating her claim as legal owner of the house under conjugal property (dad is no longer with us). Later, she told me to beg him to come home. Guess she remembered that he's the bread winner and we're all freeloaders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 10/07/2018 22:21 - United States - Marcellus

Today, while giving birth to my first child, I learned that my boyfriend the father of my child got the mother of his first child pregnant while I was 6 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 12

By kdawg - 10/07/2018 23:59

Today, I found out that I have bed bugs, which means I have to blast everything with toxic chemicals to get rid of them.... even my unworn wedding dress because I had to cancel my wedding because my dad had a stroke the week before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 2

By kazuzu - 10/07/2018 21:11

Today, the girl of my dreams got up and left in the middle of our date because the age difference between me and my brother is “too much” and apparently that’s a major turnoff for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 4

By april2195 - 10/07/2018 00:38 - United States - Crawfordsville

Today, while trying to go downstairs to the bathroom, my cat kept trying to get out. Right before I walked out, I shooed him with my foot, hitting my toe on the door, ripping my toenail off. You win, cat. You win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 10/07/2018 06:21

Today, my husband told me that when I was 20 pounds lighter, I was a lot more attractive to him. We've been married 1 year and I have to ask him to have sex with me. He only says yes once every month, sometimes 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 10/07/2018 05:39

Today, my husband admitted that he thought I was crazy, that I had somehow messed up incredibly easy instructions, and that he was going to prove me wrong and gloat over it. He then poured oil in the gas tank and now I have to replace another brand-new lawnmower. Somehow, it's still my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 5

By Tweety - 09/07/2018 20:53

Today, I volunteered at the humane society. We recently had a hoarding bust in my state, and there are a few birds, so now volunteers can sign up to read to them. I signed up to do so, and found out I'm allergic to birds. I'm signed up for the rest of the month for 3 hours per day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 7

By aNasona - 09/07/2018 12:06 - United States - Nashua

Today, at work as a housekeeper, an older guest came up to me asking for a shower cap. I go get one and bring it to her room as she opens the door her naked husband opens the bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 7

By Afro - 08/07/2018 16:40 - United States - East Lyme

Today, my husband of 9 years drunkenly confessed to me that had he known how "nappy, ashy, and stereotypical Cuban, " I and my family are, he would have never pursued a relationship or marriage and that my colors are "false advertising". FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 6

By Mara Thurman - 08/07/2018 04:36

Today, I found out from my boyfriend that I not only talk in my sleep, but I also get up turn the lights on frightened and claim there are spiders coming off the ceiling and crawling on me. This wasn’t the first time. It’s been several. We are remodeling, he says he wants separate beds to sleep in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 10

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I asked a girl out. She sent me a whole list of reasons that she hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 168

Today, my dad asked my help with a computer problem. Whenever he logged on Facebook, every single advertisement appeared to be hardcore porn. I had to awkwardly explain that these ads are based on his browsing habits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 795

You deserved it 184

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her dad showed me his gun collection, and said the first rule of gun safety is never to point a gun at something you don't intend to kill. All while waving a handgun in my direction and glaring at me with barely suppressed rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 759

You deserved it 2 219

Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandfather read a poem he'd written about how he had taken my grandmother's virginity 60 years ago. It went on for about 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 049

You deserved it 2 878

Today, my mom told me that I am going to end up getting myself pregnant. I am 21 and a virgin. She continued to yell at me and call me a liar all night. I don't know which is worse, being a 21 year old virgin or my mother accusing me of lying about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 599

You deserved it 3 206

Today, I was on my way to a relatively important interview when I realized that I'd forgotten to put on antiperspirant. Once seated, I was so nervous that I started sweating profusely under my light blue shirt, and by the end of the whole ordeal I had huge sweat stains under my armpits, down to my elbows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 255