Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 09:02 - United States

Today, I walked 20 miles because I couldn't afford to take the bus. FML

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By Snowboarderguy - 20/03/2016 09:02 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I sold my snowboard, as I am moving to Arizona in one month. Today was also the day that we got 2 feet of snow. FML

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By Bansheefaerie - 20/03/2016 08:57 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I took a nap because I was having so much pain from my chronic neck problems. I woke up feeling much better and went outside to sit on the porch swing and enjoy the day. A bolt snapped and I flipped backwards hitting my neck on a metal bar and getting a concussion. Now I'm in a neck brace.

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By ApparentlyImSelfish - 20/03/2016 08:40 - United States - Renton

Today, I realized how narcissistic my husband is. After I had a severe anxiety attack, he still had the balls to make it about him. Apparently my anxiety is causing him to be angry, and he can't sleep well when he's angry. He says I need to think about his health, and stop having panic attacks. FML.

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By anon - 20/03/2016 07:22 - Canada

Today, I let a co-worker borrow my laptop, because I had a program on it they needed to use. I came back to a laptop with all of my picture folders missing. They were my wedding photos. Fml

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By pubegirl - 20/03/2016 07:22 - Canada

Today, my braces got stuck in my boyfriend's pubes. FML

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By thatoneperson73 - 20/03/2016 07:07 - United States - Spring Lake

Today, My friend calls me at 3:45am and asks me to come pick her up. I'm half awake and I get there and the drunk adults accuse me of drunk driving because I'm pale and had bloodshot eyes from waking up. After much argument they let me go. Got home to my mom waiting up to accuse me of the same. FML

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By brainbleachplz - 20/03/2016 06:55 - Sri Lanka

Today, upon hearing the news that Donald Trump might become the next president, my grandmother went on a long rant about how she'd like to teach him a lesson via anal fisting. I wish I was making this up. FML

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By fxckinggr8 - 20/03/2016 06:25 - Canada

Today, I went to my grandpas house to see his girlfriend. long story short, she ended up asking my father for new sex positions to "spice up the relationship", followed by me leaving the room as my father demonstrating what to do with his hands, FML

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By chickenbreast - 20/03/2016 06:08 - United States - Austin

Today, I found out I have Breast Cancer. I told my friends in a group chat about the news. Their first conclusion was that I was faking for sympathy. I've known these people for 8 years.

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By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 06:02 - Canada

Today, I went to my boyfriend's staff party. I met one of his coworkers who is missing over half of his pointer finger on one hand. He asked me if I knew what he could do with it. Then he showed me by holding my hand and wiggling his nub into my palm. I can still feel it. FML.

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By aqualad783 - 20/03/2016 06:01 - United States - Renton

Today, I had to use my carpet cleaner on my couch because one of my kittens has decided to use it as a litter box. After I finished cleaning it, I left to go get myself some lunch. When I came back there was yet another stain on my couch. FML

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By lahutchins - 20/03/2016 05:47 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I received four slips for noise complaints in my mail box. After just returning from a 1 week long trip in another state. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 05:45 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I was browsing reddit, and came across an argument about Donald Trump. Noticing several inconsistencies in fact-checking, I politely intervened. I am no longer allowed on Reddit under threat of being hunted down, dismembered, and fed to wild dogs, rats, and hookers. In that order. FML

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By going broke - 20/03/2016 05:33 - United States - Niceville

Today, my mom took the rent money from my roommate telling him she will give it to me. I go to her to get the money and she wont give to me say that she needs it for one of her projects. I have bills to pay with that money. FML

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By wantmeasandwich - 20/03/2016 05:23 - India - Mumbai

Today, after three months of secrecy, I had to tell my Star Wars crazy boyfriend that I'm a Trekkie. He hasn't talked to me in a week. FML

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By pineapple_stick - 20/03/2016 05:07 - Jersey - Saint Helier

Today, I was woken up quite nicely by my cat throwing up on my bed. While I was sleeping in it. FML.

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By greeeeaaattt - 20/03/2016 05:02 - United States - Wentzville

Today, my boyfriend and I were home alone. Naturally, things got heated. I was about to finally finish for the first time ever when his mother came home early and walked in on us. Needless to say, I didn't finish. FML.

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By angry mother - 20/03/2016 05:02 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I have a new iPhone 6s, a gift from my mom. I am accident prone, so I paid $30 for a plexiglass protector. Accordingly, I dropped it leaving a thin crack across the protector. My mom saw it, thought I had cracked the screen, and threw my phone, resulting in a crack, in my actual screen. FML

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By kate22 - 20/03/2016 04:59

Today, I walked in on my two year old poking my 4 years old butthole, before I could ask what was going on she stuck her fingers in her mouth. Wish I could pour bleach in my eyes. FML.

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By rocketlinks - 20/03/2016 04:59 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I was woken up to the police knocking on the door. They weren't here for me. No, they were here for my roommate who moved out. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 04:53 - United States - Dayton

My girlfriend was venting about the problems between her and her dad. She then tried to reason with me that I had a better childhood than her because mine died.

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By ew - 20/03/2016 04:44 - United States - Novato

Today, while wearing a pair of sweatpants I let my brother borrow earlier, I reached my hand into the pockets and pulled out a bunch of toenail clippings. FML

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By Tex1010 - 20/03/2016 04:36 - United States - Prosper

Today, while teaching my nephew how to throw at football he ended up throwing a perfect spiral right into my balls. FML

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By The Call Is Coming From Your Working Phone - 20/03/2016 04:20 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after 19 days of cursing and ranting about how inconvenient it is to not have a working phone, I realized my phone is not broken, I'm just an idiot who doesn't known how to turn her phone on. FML

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By Bruuh - 20/03/2016 04:14 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was trying to catch up on The Walking Dead when my brother called and asked what I was doing. Glad I now know who all dies in the next 2 seasons only a matter of when. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 04:11 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, I have a dislocated knee cap and my leg is in a leg immobilizer. I can't completely sit on the toliet because of it and it's caused me to get piss all over myself while still on the toliet. FML.

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By deathkisses - 20/03/2016 04:07 - Australia

Today, I learnt that not getting enough sleep is bad. My toothbrush scared the hell out of me while I was in the shower. FML

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By anon - 20/03/2016 04:05 - United States - Forney

Today, I walked in on my brother watching Five Nights at Freddys porn... FML

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By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 03:41 - Australia - Townsville

Today, my crush, after telling me how she valued her freedom and wasn't quite ready for a relationship, got pregnant to a guy she just met. FML

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Top

Today, I watched my mother pull her pants down and, using her hands, feel her butt crack to check if she'd had had an accident. She then pulled her pants up, went into the kitchen and touched stuff in the refrigerator. FML

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Today, I took my friend with me for a radiology scan. While I was getting injections, my friend muttered, "On the bright side, if you die, you'll glow in the dark at the funeral." FML

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Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

agreeclassic 52 479

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Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML

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Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

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Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

agreeclassic 4 499

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