Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 16:21 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my dog managed to turn the deadbolt on my backdoor while I was outside. My keys and phone were inside. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By micjoseph_11 - 20/03/2016 16:04 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, I went out with my grandfather to practice driving, as I am a new driver. It was going pretty well, up until I tried to turn at an intersection and got T-boned, completely smashing the rear driver's side door, and then got charged for careless driving. So much for low insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By NotDealingWithThis - 20/03/2016 15:55 - United States - Kennett

Today, my now ex-boyfriend came to my house after ignoring me for a week, crying his eyes out. When I asked what was wrong, he admitted that he'd been cheating on me for the past year. The girl he was cheating on me with is pregnant, but not with his baby. He was mad at me for not consoling him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By wherearemypainmeds? - 20/03/2016 15:48 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I got my wisdom teeth extracted. Today also happens to be the day my opiate-addicted uncle "just happened" to stop by. Without even a hello, he asked where my medicines were. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 15:43 - United Kingdom

Today, i found out that my six month old daughter is really my niece.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By RHChiliPeppers - 20/03/2016 15:34 - United States - Walpole

Today, I got suspended from work. Why? I got the name of my new co-worker and her baby confused and had gone around the whole day saying I thought my new co worker was adorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By I think I just shit myself - 20/03/2016 15:24 - Canada

Today, I had a vivid dream of the extreme urge to take a shit but with no toilet in sight. When I finally found a dream toilet and relieved myself, the rancid smell from a real life shit startled me awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 15:09 - United States - Mckinney

Today was my girlfriends birthday. I got her Chocolate, a shit ton of stuff animals, and a gift card to Starbucks. I came home gave her the stuff and she told me she was breaking up with me. Before I left, she took my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By richardglasscock - 20/03/2016 15:07 - United States - Monticello

Today, I ate a handful of sugar-free gummy bears, not knowing of the fabled shitfest they cause upon consumption. Long story short, I'm typing this on my toilet whilst my ass continues to recreate Mount Saint Helens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By cosmicstanza - 20/03/2016 15:05 - Australia - Canning Vale

Today, I saw on Snapchat my 'bestfriends' having a sleepover. This would be fine if it wasn't the same friends who'd invited me to have a get together with them, only to uninvite me. Even after having planned this for months prior. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Countryman0217 - 20/03/2016 14:59 - United States - Copperas Cove

Today, I bought a brand new bicycle because my truck was stolen last week. I went into subway to grab a quick sandwich and when I come out my bicycle was stolen. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 14:46 - Canada - Peterborough

Yesterday, my sister was very mad. She said: "If you won't go away, I will step on our cat's tail!" I didn't go away. She stepped on the cat's tail, and the cat jumped up and clawed my face. I am currently in the emergancy room. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 20/03/2016 14:39 - United States - Westminster

Today, I asked my girlfriend for a blowjob. She responded with, "I can't. I'm vegan" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By VeryFunny - 20/03/2016 14:21 - Canada - North York

Today, I was on a date with what I thought was a very nice woman. Everything was going well until we had to pay for dinner. I offered that we go Dutch, she looked at me then laughed then left the restaurant without paying anything leaving me to pay for her. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By cursedsole - 20/03/2016 14:10 - United States - Houston

Today, after a really long dry spell I met a girl at work that seemed really awesome. We hit it off really well and everything was going great. Out of curiosity I googled her, turns out she's a Satanist and is out on bond for killing kittens and skinning a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By fuckitall - 20/03/2016 14:06 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, a girl from one of my old classes told me she was jealous of how skinny I was last year. I'd been emaciated due to my anorexia and was on the brink of hospitalization. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 14:04 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I texted my mother after not hearing from her in a while asking, "You still alive?" Only to find out she isn't. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By esean_keni - 20/03/2016 14:00 - India - Panjim

Today,My roommate was smoking in his room just when his dad decided to visit him out of nowhere.His dad didn't know about his bad habits so I grabbed his cigarette and went to another room just to save his ass.Just before leaving his dad complains to the management about me. I don't even smoke. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 13:57 - United States

Today, my mom took me out of school early, I was excited until I learned that she had done this because she had shot my dog in the head an hour before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By ccat209 - 20/03/2016 13:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got in trouble for telling a girl to leave me alone. This is the same girl my boyfriend broke up with for me. She has been relentlessly trying to break us up. She even threatened to hit me with a car. I was told if I don't leave HER alone my school would press harassment charges on me, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Seth64 - 20/03/2016 13:45 - United States - Auburn

Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I didn't have to pay my full hospital bill, as it was very expensive. This would've been great had I not paid it off last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By thesuperwholock - 20/03/2016 13:34 - United States - Algonquin

Today, my boss called me in to help with something in the office. I get two blocks away and he called to tell me he didn't need me anymore. I sent 10 people home from a party because they needed me to come in. for nothing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Woww - 20/03/2016 13:29 - United States - Indianapolis

Last night, I decided to take my husband's brother's ex-wife to the club. I gave her my car keys because I didn't have any pockets. As I was ready to leave I couldn't find her anywhere and my car was gone. As I got home, I realized she stole my $1,500 and my children's social security numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By MyLifeSucks - 20/03/2016 13:27 - United States - Quincy

Today, my mom saw a little box that she assumed was trash. After she told me she threw it away, I realized that it was box full of $200. I had been saving that money for months to travel and see my favorite singer in concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By silverview - 20/03/2016 13:09 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I woke up to a large wet spot by my feet. My cat had pissed on by bed sometime during the night. The worst part? I literally just washed all of my sheets and blankets the day before and don't have enough detergent to wash them again. It's early I'm tired and just want to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By itchy - 20/03/2016 12:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, I fell ill. This is because of a side effect of a new drug I'm taking to control my chronic hives. It's either be covered in an itchy rash, or put up with a flu-like sickness. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By faebun - 20/03/2016 12:53 - United States - Garland

Today while stretching for my morning run I somehow managed to kick myself in the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 11:21 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, my cat died and I had to cancel a trip out with friends. When I called my friend to tell her why I couldn't come, her reaction was, "Haha! Very funny. See you at six!" I had to call her again to explain that my cat had actually died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By My White Flats - 20/03/2016 10:57 - Italy - Como

Today, it was a beautiful and warm day. I could finally go outside without a jacket. As I stepped outside to admire the beautiful blue sky, I stepped into the biggest pile of dog shit that I've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Emziee4039 - 20/03/2016 10:20 - Canada - St. John's

Today, a psycho guy is posting stuff all over Facebook about my boyfriend, giving out contact information, threatening to charge him due to written threats, and encouraging his Facebook friends to harass him. Why? Because I chose to be with my boyfriend over him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I had to break up a fistfight between my wife and mother. Apparently, my mom heard that I finally got the great paying job of my dreams, and told my wife I'd finally kick her "useless ass to the curb." We have to spend the holidays together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 666

You deserved it 3 585

Today, I found out my father's girlfriend is moving in with us. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 848

You deserved it 968

Today, my dad lied and said he was busy working, all because he didn't want to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 149

Today, I was telling my friend how lonely I am on Skype. He responded by deleting me as a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 490

You deserved it 11 317

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 526

You deserved it 4 914

Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 554

You deserved it 4 273