Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 00:51 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I agreed to take a 4 hour shift at my second job after my regular job. After working 8 hours at my first job, I got to my second to learn that I'd have to work 8 hours because the guy on the day shift didn't show up. FML

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By asslethe - 21/03/2016 00:49 - United States - Covington

Today, I went for a run. I've been working a lot which has put a lot of stress on my body. I wanted to work out on my own accord. I collapsed once I started running, into glass. I had to limp home. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 00:47 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was called to see one of my patients in his room as he fell to the floor. I helped the patient up and made sure he was okay. The family complained to me incessantly. I finally was walking out when my nurse said "watch out" but too late - I stepped in human excrement. FML.

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By A1Sauce - 21/03/2016 00:46 - United States - Scranton

Today, I was on my way to ask my coach if I could skip a practice next week because of family issues. She said, "I don't think you should skip any practices. To be honest, you really need the exercise." FML

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By OrinCrimson - 21/03/2016 00:44 - United States - Longview

Today, I was married. My new Mother-in-Law showed up to our wedding in a black dress and lace tights. This would have been fine except the dress was so low cut and short it barely covered anything that needed covering. My family is conservative, middle-class Christian. It was an awkard event. FML

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vote type 1 1

By huntingismyhusbandsmistress - 21/03/2016 00:42 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, husband missed the birth of our second child for a hunting trip. He then bragged about the size of the antlers while we skyped. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 00:34 - United States - Scranton

Today, I went to an Easter egg hunt for my daughter. A little boy tripped her, and proceeded to steal all of her collected eggs. On top of that, my pants fell down and my daughter ended up needing to go to the emergency room. FML

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vote type 1 1

By woeisme63 - 21/03/2016 00:30 - United States - Canton

Today, my boyfriend hung me upside down by ankle weights naked planning to eat me out. My ankles are really small and slipped out of one of them causing it to fall down and clip my elbow. Its embarrassing to explain. FML.

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vote type 1 1

By Dirty69 - 21/03/2016 00:28 - United States - La Crosse

Today, I walked in on my roommates new found obsession. Sticking random items up her vagina until she can't fit anymore. Unfortunately my hairbrush was a part of today's fun. FML

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vote type 1 1

By farifilms - 20/03/2016 23:48 - United States - Wakefield

Today is my first day on a new diet so I can lose some weight. For lunch my grandfather surprised me with McDonalds. When I told him I couldnt eat it and that I would just make a salad he took all of the lettuce in my apartment and shoved it down the garbage disposal. FML

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By Anonomousy - 20/03/2016 23:22 - Canada - Mackenzie

Today, I learned the hard way that I can't deep throat. FML.

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By SpringBreakHorror - 20/03/2016 23:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I watched my boyfriend hold hands with another girl, ditch me, then proceeded to sleep with her in our hotel bed - while I was in the room. He is now my ex-boyfriend. Fml.

agreeclassic 2

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By GingerSnap98 - 20/03/2016 23:17 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I started drinking these chia seed drinks to help boost my immune system. They're great and all except now I'm shitting tiny seeds that get stuck to my ass. FML

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By Etweens96 - 20/03/2016 23:15 - United States - Jackson

Today, I ate at a mall restaurant called Little Tokyo. Since it was a Japanese restaurant, I decided to use a little bit of the Japanese I have been learning in college. The workers weren't Japanese; they were Chinese. FML

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vote type 1 1

By deathstep - 20/03/2016 23:09 - United States - Lake Mills

Today, some random kid grabbed my headphones off my head and put them on. While I was listening to Shibito by Code Pandorum. That kid started bawling, so his mother came running over to beat the shit out of me and break my $100 Audio-Technica headphones. FML.

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By sorryimlegal - 20/03/2016 23:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my wife admitted why she's been so uninterested in sex lately. She's more attracted to teenage boys than me, her 30 year old husband. And while she has no plans to sleep with any she feels that our sex is "lacking" compared to her fantasies. FML.

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By thickaf - 20/03/2016 22:49 - United Kingdom - King's Lynn

Today, someone in class complemented my eye colour. To which I replied, 'what colour are they?' After she told me, I tried to look. Without a mirror. I tried to look at my own eyes, with my eyes. FML

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By Junior - 20/03/2016 22:48 - United States - Burnsville

Today, I found a grey hair. Everyone tells me that it's normal for people under my conditions. I'm a junior in high school. Screw you stress. FML

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By atomicxsarah - 20/03/2016 22:42 - United States - Detroit

Today, me and my boyfriend were messing around in his room and he decided to give me oral. After a few seconds he quits and tells me "Just to let you know you have toilet paper stuck to you.." talk about a mood killer. FML

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By Pervee - 20/03/2016 22:39 - United Kingdom - King's Lynn

Today, I posted a selfie on Facebook. For the 5th time in a row my ex bestfriend's Dad commented on my breasts in a 'positive' way. I'm under 18 and he's about 60 yet my parents refuse to do anything about it because they're all really good friends. If I don't make it to 18, you know where I am. FML

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By GroceryStore - 20/03/2016 22:39 - United States - Barberton

Today, while I was talking to my boss I realized she was flirting with me. I had heard rumors from my coworkers that she was into me but I didn't believe them. Now I'm afraid to lose my job if she tries anything and I decline. She is married with a child. FML

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vote type 1 1

By fukinanon - 20/03/2016 22:26 - Canada - Langley

Today, my new gf and I were getting frisky. She started jacking me off and then i noticed a tan line in the same location as where a wedding ring goes. FML

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By joyf - 20/03/2016 22:25 - United States - San Diego

Today, my mom and sister came to surprise me at my new house, as I finished doing the dishes my mom asks "what's this" I turn and find her holding a vibrator. FML

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By HollyQuinn - 20/03/2016 22:23 - United Kingdom

Today, a customer for my online shop was unable to pay for her order with her card, so I signed up to be able to charge credit cards. Now her order and everyone else's from this month has been cancelled because I need to connect a valid debit card to my account. My debit card just expired. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Ray_Jay_17 - 20/03/2016 22:16 - United States - Rapid City

Today, I found out my good friend has 20 pictures on his phone from 1 year ago, of me and my now ex boyfriend hardcore making out in our "secret place". In one pic his hand was up my shirt. Not only is this douche in South Carolina permanently, so I can't kick his ass, he won't delete the pics. FML

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vote type 1 1

By embarrassed daughter - 20/03/2016 22:16 - United States - San Diego

Today, my mom and sister showed up to my new house to surprise me. as I finished doing the dishes my mom asks "what's this" so I turn around to look at what it was. it was a vibrator. fml

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By yeeaaboyee - 20/03/2016 22:02 - United States - Naples

Today, the inner section of my derrière became swollen and started hurting to the point where I was unable to sit straight, for reasons unknown. This, of course, had to happen before a 7-hour long transatlantic flight. Followed by a 4 hour wait for another 3 hour flight, then 2 hours in a car. FML

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By sosorry - 20/03/2016 21:21

Today, I felt like an asshole when I realized my friend had been trying to tell me her mom is dying of cancer and I hadn't caught on. FML

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By StativeWolf7124 - 20/03/2016 21:08 - United States - Short Hills

Today on Snapchat I put a picture of my new wallet on my Story. I have a friend who has a history of internet purchase fraud and it turns out the all the information he needed to spend 5000 untraceable dollars off my account was in the photo. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 4

By PornIndifferent - 20/03/2016 20:40 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our sex life, which has room for improvement. It turns out he learned everything from porn. I don't think I got through to him that "looks hot in porn" doesn't mean "feels good to me" and I don't know what will. FML.

agreeclassic 2

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents about our private wedding. It started with them accusing him of making rash decisions, and somehow descended into an argument amongst themselves that ended with his mom deciding to divorce his dad. FML

agreeclassic 54 898

vote type 1 4 608

Today, an arm fell off my only glasses. Problem is I can’t fix it, since I can barely see without actually wearing them. Tomorrow, I’ll be getting around with one-armed glasses until I find someone who isn’t half blind and can tighten a tiny screw. FML

agreeclassic 396

vote type 1 87

Today, I locked my car. I put the key in my bag when suddenly my car began to roll backwards. I tried to get the key out of my bag but couldn't find it, and with the other hand I tried to stop the car. The worst thing was that some dumbass was watching me and didn't help. FML

agreeclassic 14 490

vote type 1 21 847

Today, my girlfriend called me to pick her up from jail. She'd been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

agreeclassic 30 920

vote type 1 4 389

Today, my girlfriend of a year exclaimed "Oh my god!" for the first time during sex. Nope, I haven't improved in bed, I recently moved a TV into my room and something exciting happened on the show she was watching. FML

agreeclassic 30 503

vote type 1 13 746

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

agreeclassic 21 472

vote type 1 1 566