Nearly FMLs

By Alexzuli - 21/03/2016 03:43 - United States - Fontana

Today, my mom sent me to go buy her makeup since she was lazy to get off of the car. My little 3 year old brother decided to come along with me. As I walk up to the person who sells makeup, my little brother decides to pull down my shorts in front of her and many others. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By euhaso25 - 21/03/2016 03:42 - United States - Defiance

Today, I got an email scheduling my second interview to be a contestant on a TV show. The Bad news? Its "Naked and Afraid". 3 weeks of hell. And I'm asking for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Pilot_990 - 21/03/2016 03:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, on my last day of behind the wheel, our driving instructor decided to treat us to food as we switched drivers. Needless to say when I parked I hit the wall of the restaurant ... No license and worst of all no food for me ... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Never fight - 21/03/2016 03:32 - United States - Jamestown

Today, my wife and I had an argument. I thought that we made up. She is on her period so we couldn't have make up sex. She offered to give me a handjob to show she was sorry. She used icy hot as lube. Apparently she wasn't over the argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By I'm an Assh - 21/03/2016 03:30 - United States - Hammonton

Today, my girlfriend was really sad and wanted me to cheer her up. I, being the asshole that I am, jokingly asked if her dog had died. She started sobbing. I was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By onnanohito - 21/03/2016 03:28 - United States

Today, I was told i could not use my name on my name tag because it could be seen as offensive. My name is Hachi. It means eight in Japanese. Apparently I dont look Japanese enough for my name

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By sweet cheeks - 21/03/2016 03:26 - United States - Tampa

Today, I babysat a five year old boy. He asked to be my boyfriend I told him yes, now he won't stop calling me sweet cheeks and slapping my butt.His father only congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Horny - 21/03/2016 03:26 - United States - Jamestown

Today, my wife said we should try something new she saw online. That thing is a ruined orgasm. Didn't sound too bad because it's an orgasm, but it is. I'm horny as hell still and she said she wants to try this for a week straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By chickenwife - 21/03/2016 03:25 - Australia - Oak Flats

Today, I was watching my 3yo niece and she asked why I live with so many people, referring to my 3 housemates. When I told her it was because I can't afford to live by myself, she told me to grow up, get a job and move the heck out of there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By oh - 21/03/2016 03:16 - United States - Coweta

Today, I realized I haven't showered in nearly a week because my depressive episode is so crippling I can barely move from one room to the other without having to sit down and muster up the motivation to do anything other than exist. FML..

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 03:02 - United States

Today, I got bored at work and decided to play with the office handcuffs. I accidentally handcuffed myself to my chair and didn't know where the key was. I stayed like that until my boss came in, laughed, and left her key on the other side of the room. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By moody - 21/03/2016 02:34 - Canada - Vegreville

Today, I finally found an antidepressant that works. The bad news is the medication makes me violently ill. I have to choose between being depressed and constant vomiting. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 21/03/2016 02:21 - Canada - Peterborough

Today, i was on the city bus and saw a smokin' hot guy, i was staring at him for like 2 minutes before i realized he was watching me stare at him the whole time. I had to also wipe my mouth from a bit of drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By heartbrokenandcursed - 21/03/2016 02:18 - United States - Hammond

Today, I was fired via text message after being told by my boss to take all the time that I needed after the death of my 6 month old nephew. oh and the day of his funeral my father had a heart attack. it's been a week my heart is broken and now so am I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 02:08 - United States - Hayesville

Today, I discovered that my 14 year old sister has been texting a boy about fucking him and sending him nudes. I'm 17 and have never even had a conversation like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By M_Underwood - 21/03/2016 02:02 - United States - Frisco

Today, my girlfriend told me that we weren't going to have sex ever again. She saw a pamphlet from someone that told her sex is immoral. I'm dating a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By thetoots - 21/03/2016 01:46 - United States - Rochester

Today, I have allergies and that leads to me sneezing every 2 minutes. I sneezed so hard that I farted during school. I look quickly look around to see if anyone saw, and I turn around to see my crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By NowSingleMom - 21/03/2016 01:45 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I found out that my long term boyfriend cheated on me while I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By bad luck - 21/03/2016 01:41 - United States

Today, I had to come home early from the expensive weekend camp I paid for at the start of the year because I puked in the grass from coughing too hard. For the second year in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 01:23 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I got a bout of diarrhea at work. As I was cramping up on the toilet, my menstrual cup fell out into the diarrhea-filled bowl. Guess who had no spare tampons? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By gettingjacked - 21/03/2016 01:23 - United States - Waverly

Today, while taking out the garbage at work, a bag had a hole in it and I got barbecue sauce all over my shoes and shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonomyous - 21/03/2016 01:21 - United States - Mckinney

Today, I was talking to this girl and we were hitting it off. She wanted me to add her to a group chat so I did. I was calling my good friends mean things like we normally do. I then asked if she wanted to FaceTime and she said no because I was mean, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Theyoshi3789 - 21/03/2016 01:17

Today, me and one of my friends made up our own "snail language where we replace the first letter with sn. I used it so often that I ended up calling a different friend "snart". He thinks it's an insult and won't talk to me anymore. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By samiam_123 - 21/03/2016 01:17 - United States - Aurora

Today, after months of using the same face cleaner, my face broke out. After multiple angry calls, I learned they changed the formula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Wolf6661 - 21/03/2016 01:16 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, while dying easter eggs with family, we decided to play minute to win it games. For one game you had to shoot pop cans with a rubber band, on my turn I misses and hit my five year old cousin in the face. Right in front of her over protective mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 01:08 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out from my mother, that my panty line has been showing through my tight yoga pants. She's let me work out at a public gym like that. For over 6 weeks. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By sarah - 21/03/2016 01:02 - United States - Decatur

My boyfriend mistakenly texted me, "I only slept with one other girl one time in December." Once he realized he'd sent it to me by mistake, he texted me again, verbatum, "Uhhh and it was a snowman lol." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By the.lonely.shmuck. - 21/03/2016 00:56 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I went on a super fun tinder date. All night I thought this girl could be the one. I recheck her tinder profile and she is only looking for new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By lineman76 - 21/03/2016 00:55 - United States - Spokane

Today, when I went through airport security the TSA officer said "have a good flight" and I said "you too"... If that wasn't bad enough when I was getting off the plane the pilot said "bye" and I said "love you too"... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By unknown - 21/03/2016 00:53 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was taking a shower and singing a bunch of songs and forgot that my next door neighbor which goes to my school. Has a window that goes straight into my shower and now she has a 15 min video of me singing in the shower butt naked that she sent to all our friends at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, a girl invited me over to her dorm room at 3 AM. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to respond to e-mails just before. She said she was tired and then went to bed. I'm a fucking idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 771

You deserved it 47 996

Today, I had a performance evaluation meeting with my boss. He told me I was the best in my department, and that the productivity has never been higher before I started working here. Oh, and he said that because everything is working so well, they don't need me as much, so he's cutting my hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 304

You deserved it 2 779

Today, I was asked by my neighbor to stop jogging in our neighborhood because he keeps catching his son whacking off while watching me. His son is 28 years-old and still lives at home. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 870

You deserved it 4 675

Today, my Uber driver tried to detour my trip home to take me on a date to Waffle House, even after I showed zero interest and talked about my boyfriend non-stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 332

You deserved it 383

Today, my boyfriend of 10 years won’t marry me until all my debts are paid off, which will take me 10 to 12 years to do. To add insult to injury, he’s been using intimacy as part of a reward system for me, and no matter how hard I try to earn it and as much as I initiate like he wants, he keeps turning me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 481

Today, I found out my 20 year-old daughter has a 46 year-old boyfriend. She met him at her job. When I objected, she told me that I can’t tell her “heart” what to do because she’s “grown” and “in love.” I had to teach her how to wash and she still leaves dirty pads on the floor, but sure, she’s “in love.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 205