Nearly FMLs

By bloobalooby - 21/03/2016 07:31 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I was filing an insurance claim for my broken phone, which will not turn on. In order to finish the claim, I have to set up a username and password on a app. An app that I can only download onto my broken phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By wellcrap - 21/03/2016 07:28 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, marks 5 months on my new antidepressants. Best I've been on yet. I feel great, and they're helping me quit smoking. But they also give me mad shits and makes my PCOS flare up. Feel great and be healthy or shit like crazy and have my ovaries feel like they'll explode. Decisions decisions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By MrLonelyHertz - 21/03/2016 07:09

Today, I found out through my roommate that on their date the other night, my self-proclaimed best friend decided to mention some private stuff about me that I specifically asked him not to mention, in an effort to get in her pants. I guess friendship goes out the window when pussy's involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By PrincessKenny - 21/03/2016 07:00 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at my dads house visiting and his girlfriend made me a vegetarian noodle stir fry. It tasted a little off but I ate it because I appreciated her making me a separate non meat meal. Later she told me that to give it flavor she added oyster sauce. My insides feel like they're dying.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 06:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I threw up. My fiancé got drunk and threw up in the sink on Friday. Instead of cleaning the sick from the back of the drainer, he washed up my tea mug and put it over the vomit so I wouldn't see it. I tasted it instead.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By waytogo - 21/03/2016 06:35 - United States - Roselle

Today, at work, my supervisor asked me to change the icee syrup cases in the back. While doing so, my hand slipped trying to lift it & I managed to punch myself so hard in the mouth, I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By ItsDanielDude - 21/03/2016 06:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the girl I had been dating for 12 hours was already cheating on me. Until it turns out I was the side guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 06:19 - Germany

Today I found some old dog treats in my kitchen and decided to give one to my dog. As I picked one up I noticed that they weren't smooth on the outside like they normally should, but rather grainy and fluffy. When I looked inside the bag hundreds of tiny food moths flew into my face. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Wordkiller - 21/03/2016 05:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I overheard a coworker tell a customer over the phone to "quit whining and just do it". I work at a suicide help line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By DemonEthanol - 21/03/2016 05:44 - United States - Columbus

Today, while working the register at the pharmacy, a guy strung out on something illicit and obviously not on his meds leaned on my counter. At least 5 bedbugs crawled out of his coat sleeve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By never right - 21/03/2016 05:37 - United States

Today, after being criticized by my mother for staying in an abusive relationship I moved out and got my own place, only to be criticized for now being a single mom.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By oh my - 21/03/2016 05:37 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I played cards against humanity with my grandma. During the game she informed everybody that she has an undying lust for Tom Cruise and that "when you go black, you never go back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 05:22 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, the guy I've been texting with non stop for the past week just told me he's been in a relationship for the past 21 months and that they've had some problems lately but that they're all good now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By bearded lady - 21/03/2016 05:21 - Canada - Agassiz

Today, in front of my friends, my mom came at me with a pair of tweezers saying "I just wanna pluck a few black hairs from your chin." I'm a fifteen year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By mkay - 21/03/2016 05:20 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my mother threatened to kill me. I recorded the conversation, because it's happened before and I wanted a restraining order. At the court house the recording was dismissed, because she was "stressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By ChristianH39 - 21/03/2016 05:16 - United States - Lindenhurst

Today, I realized that one of the reasons I don't sleep well is that I stress over how little sleep I get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By conner - 21/03/2016 04:44 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, I was laying in bed looking at my phone, about to fall asleep, and I felt something move on my head. When I reached up to grab it and throw it off, I felt it wiggle in my hand. I still haven't found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By revert - 21/03/2016 04:43 - United States - Sharon

today my professor made several ignorant comments about Muslims. i corrected her and told her the real truth only to get yelled at, she asked me how would i know, so i told her that i was Muslim. i then spent the rest of the class explaining that yes, you can be Muslim and white at the same time fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 04:33 - United States

Today, I am getting ready for my appointment with a neurosurgeon to get my brain tumor removed. My husband is getting ready for his dentist appointment, because, apparently, its more important. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By SpicPepper - 21/03/2016 04:31 - United States - Lawrence

Today, after work I expected to go home and relax. Instead, I walked into a house with blood all over the floors, my cat with a cut on her paw, and my mom sitting on the couch. When I asked her what happened, she said "oh, I thought it was dirt." fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Jif_Creamy - 21/03/2016 04:29 - United States - Middletown

Today, I found out Clorox disinfectant wipes don't make a good alternative to toiler paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 04:25 - United States - Sarasota

Today, I realized I have a sleep schedule problem when I woke up 15 minutes before work, rushed to get ready and arrived 10 minutes late. Normally this wouldn't be that big a deal, except this all happened at 3 in the afternoon. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 21/03/2016 04:14 - United States - Grandview

Today I took my boyfriend to make out point, it was very dark. He started fingering me and mentioned how wet I was before licking his fingers clean. He turned on the light in the car to put a condom on when we both noticed his fingers covered in blood. He started gagging instantly.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Denise1988 - 21/03/2016 04:02 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my roomba ran over a pile of cat poop and spread it around my entire house. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By alitairi - 21/03/2016 03:54 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my mom decided to congratulate me on my pregnancy by telling me that I'd never amount to anything more than a mother. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sophiejayden - 21/03/2016 03:54 - Australia - Calamvale

Today, I got an official warning from my boss because I was 5 minutes early for work instead of their preferred 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ks1099 - 21/03/2016 03:52 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I came home from the store. I have four dogs, the smallest of which projectile vomited all over the couch. The rest decided it would make a good snack. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mliajkfml - 21/03/2016 03:52 - United States - Aurora

Today, we discovered that the person ordering porn on our TV was not our 17 year old (which we've blamed and punished,) but our 9 year old son. This is going to be a tough talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nichankinson - 21/03/2016 03:50 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, my girlfriend of almost two years broke up with me. Not twenty minutes later, my mother told me that my grandfather has cancer and has less than six months to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Bebbo - 21/03/2016 03:48 - Canada - Port-menier

Today, to my horror, I was placed on cleaning duty for the morning shift only to be greeted with a newly painted washroom with fecal matter. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I took my dog to the park. While chatting with another dog owner, my dog managed to steal their sandwich and ran off with it. I had to chase my sandwich-thieving dog through the entire park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 227

Today, I was driving home from an airport. On the way home, I got a flat tire. Once I was outside the car I realized that I had accidentally locked the car with the keys inside. I was in the middle of nowhere 20 miles from anywhere and couldn't call for help since my phone was in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 734

You deserved it 6 765

Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 052

You deserved it 2 136

Today, while I was working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 917

You deserved it 3 971

Today, I found out my mother would rather sleep than attend my soccer games, volleyball tournaments, or see me win any awards. However, she was present to see the dog get potty trained, filming the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 115

Today, I received an email from my professor informing me that if I missed another class, I'd be dropped from the course. I have field experience to complete tomorrow as part of my major. I emailed her two weeks ago to let her know, and we're excused by the dean. She doesn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 109

You deserved it 7 939