Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 17:22 - United States

Today,I had to politely smile as a customer went on a tirade about middle-aged women who waste money on things like braces just to look good. I'm 36 and wear braces because my jaw was broken in 4 places during a car accident. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By BadLuckB - 21/03/2016 17:05 - United States

Today, I went to my first real college party. Needless to say it will forever be memorable since the girl I hooked up with threw up all over me, while we were making out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By IceWrath - 21/03/2016 16:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend and I helped a pregnant woman with her shopping bags. When we finished loading her car she loudly said "Thank you, gentlemen!" My friend burst out laughing. Why? Because I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 16:16 - United States - Tampa

Today, my fiance informed me that shes lost MOST feelings for me romantically. But I'm still a good friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By jen1097 - 21/03/2016 16:13 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I got an awesome job offer at a wonderful new company. Today was also the day my boss expressed how glad he is I work for him and how loyal I am. The guilt is eating me alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By refticon - 21/03/2016 15:46 - Spain - Palma De Mallorca

Today, my friend's flight got cancelled and there are no other flights offered nor available. Guess I'll spend these 2 weeks alone and pay for the rental car and apartment myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By DeathofCareBear - 21/03/2016 15:31 - United States - Portland

Today, I got over the flu and decided to go out to eat with my friends at a fancy restaurant. Not more than two hours late I'm stuck back on the toilet only this time it's food poising and not the flu. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By facepalm - 21/03/2016 15:20 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was thanking a coworker for her contribution to a gift card the office gave me as a wedding gift. I told her we used it to buy a mattress pad, and that my husband slept so well on it I had trouble waking him and thought he was dead. I forgot her husband died in his sleep last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By NeedBrainBleach - 21/03/2016 15:03 - United States - Irving

Today, I had a stomachache, and thus had to spend a long time on the toilet. That would have been fine if my bathroom wasn't beside my parents bedroom, and they hadn't decided to have sex. I realized what the noises were just in time for them to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 15:01 - United States

Today, after five months of being homeless and bouncing from friend to friend, I finally got a house, only to find out that I have to pay another $150 to get my stuff out of storage, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By nobody - 21/03/2016 14:10 - United States - Louisville

Today, my boss forgot my name again. It's a small office with only 4 employees, and I've been here for over 8 years. Mine is the only name he forgets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 21/03/2016 13:53 - United States - Charleston

Today, I was written up at work for excessive phone usage. I would have been more understanding if it had not been a calculator that I need to use multiple times a day.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Of Course - 21/03/2016 13:47 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I found out the the handsome guy I've been on a few dates with is actually a sex offender. He was arrested for multiple counts of owning and sharing files of child pornography. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Revreo - 21/03/2016 13:29 - United States - Herndon

Today,I bought a $74 iPhone 6s otter box on eBay. It took 4 weeks to arrive, I also paid $7 for shipping. When it "arrived" it was a picture of a otter box and it said " thanks for the cash, bro." Before I could report this guy, he deletes his eBay account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By nirek - 21/03/2016 13:08 - India - Bangalore

Today, I told my 9 year old sister that you can't slip on banana peels. turns out you can and you can be sent to the hospital with a concussion. Guess who put it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Dumb fool - 21/03/2016 13:08 - United States - Rock Springs

Today, I found 3 dudes my wife had been fucking behind my back while I work 6 days a week to feed & house her & 2 children for essentially the last 10 years. The nude photos were "silly flirting" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 12:53 - United States - Middletown

Today, my parents confronted me about finding a milky white substance on my clothing. Yes, I masturbated. However, my father had never seen such a thing before because he's never done it or had sex. So how is this possible? Well, we had two talks that day. The second was how I was adopted. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By StanleyYelnats - 21/03/2016 12:28 - United States - Exeter

Today, I got called to the office. Kids were yelling things like "you're in trouble, the cops are here for you" which I shrugged off since I have a boring law-abiding life. Turns out they were right. I'm waiting for my mom to drive me to the station and I still don't know what they think I did. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By nortwdschick - 21/03/2016 12:15 - United States - Marco Island

Today, my husband and I went deep sea fishing while on vacation. He was too busy catching fish to notice I was laying in the fetal position, slowly dying of sea sickness, dehydration, and sun poisoning.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Eww - 21/03/2016 11:49 - United States - Conway

Today, after my girlfriend insisting she was not on her period we had sex. Only to find out she was, the hard way. To make matters worse she had a tampon in to "prevent me from finding out," FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By nursing school probz - 21/03/2016 10:33 - United States - Hamden

Today, I woke up at 5:30am to go to a very early review session. I showered and began getting ready before checking my email. It got cancelled. Now I'm wide awake and no more prepared for this exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By overcaffeinated - 21/03/2016 10:07 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I discovered that caffeine psychosis is a thing after spending 2 hours having a panic attack as the most horrible, threatening, and violent images rushed through my mind with overwhelming speed, putting any horror movie to shame. Caffeine+extreme stress=not good. Don't do drugs, kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By ninjuh_wingman - 21/03/2016 09:54 - United States - San Jose

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house with some of her favorite foods to surprise her for our anniversary since she said she was too sick to go out. Turns out, being "too sick" means too busy having sex with her co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By "Friends" The Danger of Double Booking - 21/03/2016 09:30 - United States - Cold Spring Harbor

Today, I set-up 2 first dates with guys I met on Bumble. Only been talking to them about a week and they both asked me out around the same time. My weekend was pretty busy so I set them up for the same day. No harm, no fowl, just a date right? Wrong, oh so wrong! Turns out they are best friends! Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By your freindly stalker - 21/03/2016 09:23 - Iraq - Baghdad

Today, i went with my crush of 3 years on a long waited date ! knowing what she likes , her favoite food and few other things just to make the date perfect for her , she stormed at me calling me sick stalker and left because i offered her favorite icecream , FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By ihavetheworstluck - 21/03/2016 09:20 - United States - Studio City

Today, I some how manage to turn our trip to Cali to see schools, into me throwing up 7 times in three hours and sharting my self, ruining the one pair of white pj's I have for the trip. Not only do I have food poisoning, but I got my period. There are no real drug stores near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By butterfingers - 21/03/2016 09:17 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I went to pick up my phone from repair. I was fumbling through my purse looking for the $320 I owed when my phone slipped from my fingers and hit the ground, instantly cracking the brand new screen. The cashier laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By TeKillYa - 21/03/2016 08:59 - United States - Kent

Today, I ran out of drinking water at the house. Luckily there was one last water bottle on the kitchen counter. Dying from dehydration, I took a couple of huge gulps--only to realize it wasn't water but instead tequila from the night before. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 08:03 - United States

Today my boyfriend returned to town. Before leaving, he told me we needed to talk, and we agreed it would happen as soon as he returned. He hadn't contacted me yet and I'm stuck imagining the worst. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 07:43 - Australia - Wantirna South

Today, I paid $65 to repair my laptop. On the way home, somewhere between the store and my house, my partner lost it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, for the third day in a row, my wife is bitching about her terrible birthday. She had messages wishing her a happy birthday from her friends instead of actual calls. Also, she knew that my pay comes in the day after, and she agreed to go shopping with me, as opposed to a present on the day. She is 54, going on 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 280

Today, my neighbor respects that I keep a clean house, with no street shoes allowed inside. I bet that’s why he came in wearing felt slippers. Unfortunately, they were same ones he'd walked across the wet, dirty yard in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 126

Today, I was lying in bed throwing a football in the air and catching it. I missed a catch, and the ball hit me between the legs. I shoved my hands down my pants because it hurt, just as my step-dad walked into the room and saw me holding my crotch and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 359

You deserved it 9 221

Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 790

You deserved it 2 523

Today, my boss gave me a new assignment at work: go online and look for my own replacement, then interview him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 816

You deserved it 2 222

Today, my mother still hasn't figured out that my ex is a manipulative cow who has no interest in a relationship with her, apart from her usefulness as a babysitter, and sympathetic cash machine, but when I try to tell her that, she gets mad at me. The kid isn't even mine, it's from the guy she cheated with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 108