Nearly FMLs

By smoothies14 - 22/03/2016 15:23 - United States - Edmond

Today, the best man backed out of our wedding, saying he couldn't afford the $30 vest he'd need to wear. This would be fine if he hadn't previously lied about having it, just spent $500 on his truck, and it wasn't a week before the wedding. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 15:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, we held an intervention for my neighbor, who was abusing his wife. We were trying to get through to him until my roommate began to assault him with a rolling pin to "show him how it feels". There was blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By LeanGreenCryingMachine - 22/03/2016 15:12 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over snapchat then asked if I wanted to watch Shrek with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By toodammreligioid - 22/03/2016 15:02 - Denmark - Vallensb?k

Today, i was going to have sex with my very religious boyfrind, when i walking in naked his first question was "where are yor balls". Something tells me he is a bit too religious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By BloodyMary - 22/03/2016 14:30 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after promising that I would stop scratching at my scabs, my boyfriend came home to find my scalp bleeding and my fingers bloody. He refuses to believe that I hit my head on the cupboard and even accused me of smearing blood on its corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 14:20 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I went to get chipotle and locked myself out of my car with the lights still on. The only spare key to the car is at my house and I would ask someone to get that spare key but the keys to my house is in the car that I locked myself out of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By ouch - 22/03/2016 13:58 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today I had a scale and polish at the dentists. The dentist was so rough that it brought tears to my eyes and 2 hours later I'm still bleeding. My teeth now have a rougher patch than before which is driving me demented. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 13:56 - United States

Today, on my first day of driving on my own to school, I didn't even make it out of the driveway. I snagged my front bumper on a pot and took it off halfway. I haven't stopped crying and my dad's going to kill me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By alerra - 22/03/2016 13:50 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I learned that Great Value's cooking spray and furniture polish look exactly like. I learned this as I sprayed furniture polish in my cooking pan. Nom nom nom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By unknown4856 - 22/03/2016 13:21 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I was so sick and had to give a presentation. I coughed once and snot flung from my nose and hung from my chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 12:48 - United States - Gilbert

I've been dating this guy for four years. The other day, I saw my name "Latasha" on a reservation that he set up. My name is Natasha. He argued with me about my name for the rest of the night. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By StanleyYelnats - 22/03/2016 12:15 - United States - Exeter

Today, I got called to the office. Kids were yelling things like "you're in trouble, the cops are here for you" which I shrugged off since I have a boring law-abiding life. Turns out they were right. I'm waiting for my mom to drive me to the station and I still don't know what they think I did. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Bonafonte - 22/03/2016 11:42 - Belgium - Langdorp

Today, after the attacks in Brussels, all schools were cancelled, even in other cities. Not my school, who claims it is "our own choice whether we come in today or not". The whole country is on lockdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By OkayMaybeNever - 22/03/2016 11:41 - India - New Delhi

Today, I found out I'm moving to a different school, in a different country, leaving behind my entire life and the boy I'm in love with to move in with my borderline abusive parents…I'm probably never coming back and my mother is screaming at me for crying. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By AnimatedJ - 22/03/2016 11:20 - United States - Yonkers

Today, I wasted about a good 60 seconds of my life trying to put on my shirt, when I realized it had no armholes or one for my head. I was trying to put on a pillow case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 457

By Trishmca - 22/03/2016 11:05 - United States - Wakefield

Today, I found out why my car battery keeps dying. I looked out my kitchen window to see my 3 year old in it turning on all the interior lights. I thought he was in the fenced in backyard playing. He can scale the fence now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By andrewcats - 22/03/2016 10:47 - United States - Moorestown

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I then made the mistake of using disinfecting wipes instead of the wipes that substitute for toilet paper. My ass still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By the middle sister - 22/03/2016 10:28 - United States

Today, I guess I was complaining too much about my recent knee pain (due to it being broken and just now am I able to walk on it) because my younger sister decided to "Sparta kick" my knee backwards forcing me to go back to the hospital despite how much my mom yelled at me for starting the fight fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 10:16 - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

Today, I spent several hours trying to talk the cat into getting off my pillow so that I could go to sleep. He's not even my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By unluckypos - 22/03/2016 09:34 - United States - Marquette

Today, my buddy took my car without permission while I was sleeping. He hit a deer and destroyed my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By KBear3109 - 22/03/2016 09:28 - United States - Plattsburgh

Today, during my 5 year old's birthday party, she brought her friend into my bedroom to look at her new pet rabbit. About 5 minutes later they came running out holding my vibrator. My grandmother fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 09:27 - United States - Marquette

Today, my buddy took my car without permission while I was sleeping. He hit a deer and destroyed my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By noreallywhat - 22/03/2016 08:28 - United States - Goodyear

Today, I have to leave my house to prove that I have trouble leaving my house. I hope this time I manage to at least not cry the entire time I am out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By the kid - 22/03/2016 07:43 - India - Delhi

Today, my sister sold her car. Two witnesses needed to sign the sale deed and my sister suggested I be one. The buyer replied "What? No. Kids can't sign it!" so our father signed instead. I'm 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By alspagmo - 22/03/2016 07:20 - New Zealand - New Plymouth

Today, after months of keeping my embarrassing family and my long distance girlfriend from meeting, they met. My mother just pulled me aside to inform me and my girlfriend are related. She has pictures of herself with my girlfriends mother as proof. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By kenz - 22/03/2016 06:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that the scrubby that I use to wash my face in the shower, is the same scrubby that my boyfriend uses to wash in between his butt cheeks. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By torenwing43 - 22/03/2016 06:36 - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, after I woke up I told my absolutely incredible wife that I loved her, she told me I wasn't rich enough for her as she handed me divorce papers to sign, which included how she would get my house and car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By swimmonster81 - 22/03/2016 06:05 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I took my car into the shop for a minor repair so it would pass inspection, which had been expired for a while, A few hours later I drove to meet a friend for dinner and my check engine light came on, the muffler fell off and the battery died completely. My inspection is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By GingerSnap98 - 22/03/2016 05:50 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I am writing a 7 page psychology paper about growing up with stress and anxiety. But I'm so stressed and full of anxiety about this paper that I can't even focus long enough to get it done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By senior - 22/03/2016 05:46 - United States - Guin

Today, my "best friend" told somebody that I'm really letting myself go because "I'm always asleep in a blow-off class, and I never dress up anymore". I'm a senior in high school with a job, as well as the valedictorian, and I'm also attending a good college in the fall. Thanks, buddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I opened up to my parents about my depression. Their response was to have a very heated discussion about whose fault it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 015

You deserved it 3 538

Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 023

You deserved it 15 801

Today, my uncle asked me to help him organize a surprise party for my twin sister. I think he doesn’t get the concept of “twins”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 47

Today, I took my Switch into work because I was the only one working, I figured if everyone had the day off, I could enjoy some me time. It turns out I did nothing but work. I put my Nintendo Switch with the bag orders I had to deliver to the post office, but I forgot to take out the Switch out of the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 1 270

Today, while I was getting it on with my girlfriend I accidentally called out "Mom" instead of her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 516

You deserved it 44 143

Today, I tried not drinking water for a few hours before bed, because I hate waking up and having to pee. I woke up feeling gross and dehydrated instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 325