Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 01:35 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I found that my dog had passed away the night before. I cried for hours, and missed work. When I explained this to my boss, he said that I was "full of shit", and that "no one really cares that much about a f*cking animal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 01:22 - United States - Rossville

Today, my cat attacked my face because I was chewing gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By spherbst - 23/03/2016 01:12 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was doing practice for my exams and somebody spills ink on my page, my teacher saw it thanked the person for doing it and put my 3000 word essay in the bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By StanleyYelnats - 23/03/2016 01:09 - United States - Exeter

Today, I got called to the office. Kids were yelling things like, "You're in trouble, the cops are here for you!" which I shrugged off, since I have a boring, law-abiding life. Turns out they were right. I'm waiting for my mom to drive me to the station, and I still don't know what they think I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 240

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 00:54 - United States - Vidor

Today, I realized I'm too scared to tell the man I love how much he means to me for fear of his reaction. He's my boyfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By StetsonSalvatore - 23/03/2016 00:41 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, it was around 6:30 am, both my wife and myself were sleeping. My daughter woke up so I tried to quietly tend to her. I slipped off my bed, tried to catch my footing but fell and smacked my face on the table near her crib. So much for being quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By whyyyy - 23/03/2016 00:40 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my morning starting fine going to work. When I drove out of my driveway, someone hit me and drove off. So I decided to take the bus, deal with it later, and now im late. Unfortunately, there was traffic and a baby next to me threw up all over my lap. Now I'm jobless and smell like milk. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 00:36 - United States - Denison

Today, I got fired and the pure reason was that I make others uncomfortable by just standing near them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 00:28 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I stopped at a McDonalds to take a really big dump. 10 minutes in, a very young child slides under the door and starts pulling down his pants to drop a deuce. Shouting, I being to pull up my pants to get out of there. I didn't get out in time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By tiredflasher - 23/03/2016 00:17 - United States - Albuquerque

Today I woke up late and ran out the door to work only the realize as i got in my car I'd forgotten something. My shirt and bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bee - 23/03/2016 00:13 - United States - Roseburg

Today, at work a bee stung me on my arm, sadly I was still holding a hammer as I violently smacked the bee... which in turn put the claw end of the hammer deep into my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 22/03/2016 23:34 - United States - Tyler

Today, I got cock-blocked by myself because I overstimulated her while I was eating her out. She came so hard she couldn't continue. fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 23:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found a tick on my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Starchild2229 - 22/03/2016 23:06 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I came home from getting fitted for hearing aids. I walked in the house and saw my fiance hold up signs with words, he determined to make sure I understand him even though I'm not that bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 22/03/2016 22:59 - United States - Stony Point

Today, I was a the zoo with a girl I really liked. We were looking at the elephants and it was going great until I was chased by a bee causing me to run, trip and fall face first, mouth open into a fresh pile of elephant shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By edris_305 - 22/03/2016 22:58

Today, while I was riding on the bus to college few kids decided to play "catch the ball". One of the kids managed to hit me right in the eye. Im on my way to the hospital right now, I had an important test today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pain in the rear - 22/03/2016 22:47 - United States - Carmel

Today, I was pulled over for having a tail light out. this would have been fine had the officer not accidentally rear ended my while i was pulling to the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 22:47 - United States - Chicago

Today, I get to tell my extremely conservative future inlaws, that don't want me to marry their son because I'm not Christian, that not only are we getting married anyway, but we are pregnant with our first child together. The stress they are causing is literally making my Fiancé sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cinderfella - 22/03/2016 22:30 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my parents yelled at me for not keeping up with my chores this past week. I've been away on a school trip for the past week and a half. fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By crcouch217 - 22/03/2016 22:25 - United States - Houston

Today, I took my 3 year old son to the toy store. He found a toy screwdriver and ran over to me shouting "I WANT TO SCREW YOU!" We're not welcome back anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By michellellelle - 22/03/2016 22:01 - United States - New Market

Today, after hours of pain and vomititng I found out I have an infected kidney, the doctor told me if I kept vomititng I would have to go to the hospital. I still can't stop vomititng.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By EnderHorse - 22/03/2016 21:56 - United States - Mason

Today, my love life hit a new low when I hugged the clothes in my closet in an attempt to feel what giving someone a hug feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By uh oh - 22/03/2016 21:50 - United States - Parker

Today, someone told me my fly was down. Normally this wouldn't have been a big deal had I not been standing at the alter at my wedding. What made it worse was that I wasn't wearing underwear because I'm going straight to my honeymoon when the wedding ends.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By hrs-jbh - 22/03/2016 21:49 - United States - Morven

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to go riding on a back road so we could fool around before he took me home. We ended up getting stuck in the woods in the middle of nowhere. It took two hours before someone could pull us out. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By /r/triggered - 22/03/2016 21:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sitting on the bus next to two new girls from Ecuador, one of which I like and find very attractive. They didn't know that I speak Spanish, and made fun of me directly to my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By joyf - 22/03/2016 21:11 - United States - San Diego

Today, I found out what my mom meant all those years when she taught me to say I got my blue eyes from the milk man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By xxsakuraxx - 22/03/2016 21:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, while taking the over flowing garbage to the curb, it got caught on the grass and fell on me, causing me to break my big toe. A few hours later, my boss called me to fire me. Both incidents are completely unrelated. My life just sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By fuzzyone - 22/03/2016 20:57 - United States

Today, I went swimming, and then went to rest on a chair. 5 minutes before I had to leave, I had the runs. All over the chair. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By SwampKelpie - 22/03/2016 20:57 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I let a friend cut and dye my hair. Not only did he mess up and take off an inch and a half too much, the blonde dye he recommended for laying natural colour over bright unnatural colour did NOT set in my faded blue hair. I came out looking like a swamp monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 20:45 - United States

Today my mom spent over 200 dollars on my brother for random junk he did not need but when I asked for a 28 dollar pot that I need for university, all hell broke loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, it's been months since I graduated university. I still haven't managed to land a single interview. Meanwhile my brother recently woke up from a week long bender, realized he had no money for weed, went out, and 4 days later landed a well paid sales job 15 minutes from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 835

You deserved it 1 516

Today, my house was broken into. Apparently, I have nothing good enough in my house to steal, so they took my cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 353

You deserved it 3 847

Today, I introduced the concept of 'mansplaining' to my husband. Ever since, he's been deliberately mansplaining every single thing to me. All. The. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 195

You deserved it 5 168

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 651

You deserved it 30 358

Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 810

You deserved it 97 743

Today, I realised I'm so used to being invisible that I prefer it now. Human interaction is overrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 153