Nearly FML

By RknR0b1n - 22/03/2016 20:44 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I found out the house I'd been dropping my boyfriend at is the home of a dude he "used to mess around with, in the past." FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 20:42 - United States - Murrieta

Today my husband walked in on me masturbating. Instead of asking to join in, he apologized and avoided eye contact while he changed clothes and left the room.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Powerofthegem - 22/03/2016 20:22 - United States - Ridge

Today, I tried to do some wall stretches in order to improve my lower back, but i guess my cat didn't like that too much because he walked right up to me, farted, then ran away. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Sad man - 22/03/2016 20:17 - Canada - Dundas

Today, my crazy ex girlfriend decided that she wanted to break in to my house and start a campfire on the wood flooring. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By AstronomyIsSomehowSexy - 22/03/2016 20:11 - United States - West Lafayette

Today, I realized I must really love astronomy because I get a raging boner I can't control every time I hear even the smallest thing about astronomy. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By anonymous - 22/03/2016 20:04 - United States - Chicago

Today, having already explained that our new way of recording hours is faulty and coworkers are not taking the time to enter it correctly, I have to continue to work on data and hours that was from two weeks ago... and payroll is due this Friday. And I haven't even started last week's yet. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By whatthefuck - 22/03/2016 20:00 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I am single after my now ex-boyfriend of one month proposed. He angrily bitched me out for rejecting him in front of everyone. We were having a birthday party for my mom at a restaurant. A whole room full of people witnessed this and my brother has been smirking at me ever since. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Someone1111 - 22/03/2016 19:55 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, i brought my girlfriend to my work place. That was also on the same day i discovered that she was my boss' 4 year long wife and was fired. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By InsipidPotatoes - 22/03/2016 19:52 - Israel - Bene Beraq

Today, I spent 35 minutes looking for my glasses, only then did my wife point out that they were on my head. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 2

By banana - 22/03/2016 19:51 - United States - Whitehall

Today, I realized that because of my young age, one of my co-workers has been stealing my tip money. I She also enjoys tasking me to do things I have no idea how to do so. In result, making me look like a dumbass. Thanks for bragging too loud so I can report you. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By I'm a girl - 22/03/2016 19:50 - United States - Bluffton

Today, at my internship, I walked up to my supervisor and he asked me how I was. I answered with "Well I'm still sick." He responded with "No, you just sound more masculine." I'm an 18 year old girl. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By stupid in love - 22/03/2016 19:32 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today my ex appeared on my doorstep after 3 years in Afghanistan. He was full of apologies and begged me to let him back in my life. He promised that it was the last time he'd ever disappear on me without an explanation. I agreed to take him back, and in a week he ghosted me. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By janitor - 22/03/2016 19:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got written up at work for being in the break room during break. My boss was so pleased at having "caught" me that he couldn't even bother to look at the clock on the wall. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Aadavis94 - 22/03/2016 19:15 - United States - Central Point

Today, I realized my girlfriends dog gets more love and affection from her than I do. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By anon - 22/03/2016 19:09 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boyfriend of several years broke up with me. One of his reasons was because he didn't want to upset a girl he met a couple of weeks ago. Fml

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 18:58 - United States

Today, I decided to be girly for the first time in years and put earrings in to prepare for my friend's wedding. Apparently I repierced both ears, and I didn't sterilize the earrings first. Now both ears are infected and gross. I will probably have to do this again before the wedding. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By DraytonP - 22/03/2016 18:51 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my friend told me the girl I liked thought I was a creep. Why? Because I put my arm around her shoulder once. She constantly flirts with me and puts her arm around my shoulder. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By ldhull - 22/03/2016 18:50 - United States

Today, I realized that the most physical contact I had with someone of the opposite sex is when I was donating blood and the nurse felt my pulse and stuck a needle in me. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By 0206Randi - 22/03/2016 18:47

Today, my father was 20 minutes late to walk me down the aisle. Every one at my wedding kept checking to make sure I hadn't left my groom at the altar... Nope just waiting on dad. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By birthday surprise - 22/03/2016 18:33 - United States - New York

Today, is my birthday. My car was parked outside of the restaurant I was celebrating in. A drunk driver totaled my car now I have no way to drive back home. Which is an hour commute. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 18:20 - United States - Lexington

Today, my son showed me a video of animals "hugging." after I got done explaining that that was not something he should watch, I realized I had an erection. I can't get it up for my wife but I can watching dogs humping. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By sobbyromantic - 22/03/2016 18:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 6 months admited that she was happier alone than with me. 500$ necklace down the drain. Fml

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 1

By jesuissickofthisshit - 22/03/2016 17:58 - Belgium - Nijlen

Today, after terrorist attacks in Belgium, I told my father that even though I'm a rational person, I was a bit scared. He called me stupid because it was halfway through the country and compared it with being scared because another continent got bombed. it's a thirty minute drive to Brussels..FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By richard - 22/03/2016 17:57 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, after spending over 1000 on a new laptop and the software I need for university the first thing I did was use it to watch a new comedy. I ended up laughing so hard I sprayed coke all over the keyboard. The damn thing short circuited and set fire to my dads sofa. Money well spent. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 1

By FMStomach - 22/03/2016 17:41 - United States - Amherst

Today, I was finally feeling better after a week or so of bad nausea and dizziness. I made myself the first cup of coffee I've had since I got sick, which I've definitely missed. The last few sips, I swallowed an odd, thick texture, and realized it was curdled milk. Now I'm back on the toilet. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By IHateHavingACrush - 22/03/2016 17:29 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was working with my crush of four years on a project. Someone said we'd make a cute couple, and she replied "Ew." We have the same school schedule so this is a daily occurrence. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By putabelledcollaronhim - 22/03/2016 17:11 - United States - New York

Today, I have to ask one of the police officers at the train station near my job to follow me down onto the platform after a local crazy man tried to follow me home last night. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By GloUp - 22/03/2016 16:37 - United States - Thomson

Today, I was diagnosed with severe depression. An effect from this is my grades are worryingly low and I have no chance of getting into college now. My parents just told me I'm making up my depression and called me a "fat, lazy, asshole" FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Lunacy91 - 22/03/2016 16:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my doctor thinks I have an Innate Immune Defect. All my mum could say was she's glad it's not lupus (as was suspected) because this sounds much better. Easy for you to say mum. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Zomninja - 22/03/2016 15:53 - United States - Katy

Today, while taking an important test, a girl behind me was smacking her gum loudly. We aren't allowed to talk, so I can't ask her to stop. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

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Today, I got into a screaming fight with my little sister. Why? Because I'm getting "too chummy" with our new stepmom, who by the way is a very sweet woman, and has made our dad so happy since they met. But my sister has made up her mind that all stepmothers are evil. She's seventeen and still thinks like this. FML

agreeclassic 1 009

vote type 1 105

Today, I was waiting for a delivery between 9am-8pm. At 7:30 pm, I finally decided to have a 3 minute (desperately needed) shower. During which time the delivery man came. I ran down the street in a towel that barely covered me. He was driving away looking at me in the mirror laughing. FML

agreeclassic 38 884

vote type 1 11 218

Today, I had a presentation for my university class. The bus was 5 minutes late, and I ended up getting to class right on time. As I took a seat, my group was asked to present. I panicked and totally bombed my presentation. FML

agreeclassic 533

vote type 1 558

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

agreeclassic 39 068

vote type 1 5 831

Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML

agreeclassic 34 868

vote type 1 4 209

Today, my husband presented me with a DNA test proving that our newborn daughter isn't his. Confused, I got her tested again. She's not a match to me either. FML

agreeclassic 1 477

vote type 1 119