Nearly FMLs

By Foreveralone - 26/03/2016 12:14 - United States - Holley

Today, after years of being obese I've been working like crazy to lose weight and have so far lost 120 pounds. Everything was going great until my boyfriend of 7 months dumps me for not being willing to gain the weight back for him.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/03/2016 12:13 - Spain - Bilbao

Today, I was so pissed off by the length of spanish commercials on youtube I switched to my home university's vpn, to shorten the length of them. Good point, it worked. Bad point, my bf now thinks I'm an illegal Estonian immigrant who is using him to increase my chance of citizenship. Really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ellie - 26/03/2016 11:54 - United Kingdom

Today, for the fourth time this week my mother threw away my best underwear. Why? Because she "doesn't want a daughter with nicer underwear than her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/03/2016 11:44 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I'm writing an essay about health campaigns and their effectiveness in addressing obesity and health related problems. My problem is, I'm a big stress eater with bad self control and the house is full of Easter eggs. I can't help but think of the irony as I eat more chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By danm_1 - 26/03/2016 11:09 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I was in a car accident and mom was more concerned about how my girlfriend would feel, if anything happens to me, than how I was actually doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/03/2016 11:07 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I had a suspicion that my mother had been going through my Skype for a while now. When I confronted her about it, she admitted to going through it that very morning. She then talked to me for an hour about some of the "things" I wrote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By about to be single again - 26/03/2016 11:02 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, my boyfriend turned up to our date higher than the Empire State Building. After groping my ass he passed out on top of my car. He was too heavy to move so I had to wait for him to wake up before I could drive home. It took 5 hours and he pissed himself twice all over my car roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/03/2016 11:00 - Finland - Espoo

Today, I tried a new "gentle for the eyes make-up remover". My right eye is now swollen shut, my face is all fluffy and I am red as a lobster. Also, going to appear on TV later today... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MrLonelyHertz - 26/03/2016 10:57

Today, I woke up and saw that the clock read 7:13 the sun was barely out. I started to panic, thinking that I had slept through my entire shift (I work graveyard). I then looked at my phone, and saw it was still Friday, and it was merely 7:13 in the evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hackint0sh1 - 26/03/2016 10:56 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I decided to pretend to be an undercover cop. I decided to go around and pull people over. The first person I pulled over? A real undercover cop. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 26/03/2016 10:34 - Switzerland - Suhr

Today, my gf and I were having rough sex and for once I thought I was doing a good job since it can be complicated to make her cum. She suddenly yelled "Fold me like a Taco!" I couldn't continue as laughter got the best of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By uggodubbo - 26/03/2016 10:28 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I was informed by my dad that I'm smart enough for it not to matter that I'm not pretty, but not enough for it not to matter that I'm fat. Gee, thanks dad. FML

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You deserved it 0

By ItsGoneForever - 26/03/2016 08:49 - Netherlands

Today, it's been 2,5 weeks since I had a circumcision. It still isn't painfree down there and I am therefore still unable to cum. I've come to the point where I'm getting a raging boner just by driving past the trainstation where I always pick up my girlfriend. Not even halfway through recovery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Jaws013 - 26/03/2016 08:24 - United States - Fort Mill

Today, I was ball deep in my girlfriend giving it to her from behind, I looked down only to notice she missed a spot right as I came. I gagged a couple times in the process. I haven't been able to get hard with her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By RainCl0ud - 26/03/2016 08:18 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, I walked in on my husband wafting his farts toward his nose like a nice supper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/03/2016 08:12 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I stayed home due to having the flu. I decided to order some soup from a Chinese restaurant, and upon opening the container I accidentally spilled boiling hot soup all over my thighs. Now I'm sick, soupless and covered in burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/03/2016 07:21 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today I am working on my dissertation. I'm also suffering from mild insomnia. In an attempt to wake up I had some coffee. The good news is I'm awake and focused now. The bad news is I'm completely focused on reading a barely relevant book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bex - 26/03/2016 07:15 - United States - Prescott Valley

Today, after a spectacularly shitty set of events, I actually have to hire the catering company owned by the man who sexually assaulted me. The occasion? A sexual assault awareness meeting at my university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By OkayMaybeNever - 26/03/2016 07:11 - India - New Delhi

Today is day two of my neighbours wedding, they played music in the lawns till 1 am last night, starting again at 8am. I live on the 11th floor and can hear it loud and clear. I have a math exam day after. Her weddings in three days. This is going to happen every day till then. I'm failing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ofCourse - 26/03/2016 07:04 - United States - Seattle

Today, after being single for over two years, I finally went out on a date with someone I'd been admiring for a while. I found out over dinner that he fully supports and is voting for that fuckwhistle, Donald Trump. Looks like I'm still single. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By guess im not getting paid this week - 26/03/2016 07:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I injured a ligament in my right hand while working on a video project. The doctor says I should avoid using a mouse or writing with the hand for a week. I'm right-handed and video editing is my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CJ - 26/03/2016 06:37 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today a girl posted on social media that she went had sex with a guy who was gorgeous, had a sexy foreign accent, was outdoorsey, intelligent and training for the America's Cup. Unless there are many foreign men with the same name in the NZ Emirates Team we're dating the same person. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By individual00 - 26/03/2016 06:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband finally got it up after weeks of no sex drive. I started giving him a handjob, which he was clearly enjoying, but when I tried to climb on top he said, "I can't". He still insisted I finish the handjob though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ERG_1024 - 26/03/2016 06:26 - United States - Springfield

Today, I was jumped by my neighbor because he thought I was his ex wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By awkward - 26/03/2016 06:22 - United States - Irvine

Today, After talking with my friends, who mostly consist of females, I got the guts to finally ask out the girl I've crushed on for two years. I ended up panicking and asked her if she liked salads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By thinkingclairely - 26/03/2016 06:17 - United States - Manasquan

Today, while working at a pizzeria, I got a call for delivery. Since our computers keep track of customer info, his address was already in the system. I asked if the address was correct, and he replied with, "Wow, you must be psycho - I mean psychic!" I laughed and said, "I'm both!" He didn't laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By KxHoneyCombxP - 26/03/2016 05:53 - United States - Apache Junction

Today, my husband would rather sleep in another room that he recently put blinds in so that he could enjoy his handiwork in the morning instead of have sex with me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By G0ldenl0cks - 26/03/2016 05:45 - United States - Monroe

Today, I got kicked out of my best friends house (where I've been staying because I got kicked out of mine because my mom is a control freak) because I said I didn't like the church they went to because there was no one my age. Apparently that was blasphemy. FML

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You deserved it 0

By MedChew - 26/03/2016 05:21 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I flicked a piece of booger down from the 8th floor as a fun little experiment in terminal velocity. Guess what else became terminal when it landed in my boss' eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 26/03/2016 05:15 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I took my 4 year old daughter to the store. A black lady was in front of us talking on the phone and my daughter says loudly, "Daddy, why are black people so loud?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 090

You deserved it 3 197

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 951

You deserved it 8 798

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I took a walk without asking for permission. He thought guys would be hitting on me the entire walk, and that I chose to go alone to pick up numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 179

Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 315

You deserved it 1 896

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail because he started a fight with a guy who didn't like owls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 545

You deserved it 4 485

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 993

You deserved it 3 992