Nearly FML

By useacondom - 01/04/2016 22:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, Today, I hit my 33-week mark in my pregnancy. I also sneezed so hard that I peed - all over my bed and clothes. What's worse is that the cat was laying against me and is now soaked. FML.

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By DozRzz - 01/04/2016 22:17 - United States - Clemmons

Today, I found out that my long distance boyfriend of 7 years has been cheating on me with another woman for six and a half of those years. They have two kids and a house and they are getting married next month. When I confronted him he said he "didn't mean " FML

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By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 22:15 - United States - Stephenville

Today, I finally managed to work up the courage to ask out my crush. After asking if I was joking, I shouted "April Fool's!" While dying on the inside. FML

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By Don'tGuessMyName - 01/04/2016 22:12 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because she stopped talking to me. There was another girl I was interested in and was going to ask out. I walked up to the girl to ask her out and mid conversation, my ex walks up and kissed her on the cheek. They're dating now. FML

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By confuzzled - 01/04/2016 22:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's April Fool's Day and my boyfriend said he is breaking up with me. I legitimately can't tell if he's pranking me or if he's serious. FML

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By ditchedbymom - 01/04/2016 21:35 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend lost his virginity, just not to me. FML

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By bolt_fire112 - 01/04/2016 21:33 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, the girl I like texted me, asking me out. After getting really excited and thinking about the correct choice words, another text followed stating "Don't take that seriously just kidding April Fool's!!" FML

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By Liimbix - 01/04/2016 21:24 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, my first girlfriend ever cheated on me with her ex who cheated on her two years ago. FML

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By chiefqueef - 01/04/2016 21:21 - United States - Wetumpka

My school is three stories high and our class is on the second floor. I was walking my crush to class. We decided to take the elevator. I wasn't all the way in the elevator when the door shut, and my skirt got caught. My skirt ripped off and my crush saw me in my hello kitty underwear. FML

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By Fraser - 01/04/2016 21:05 - Canada

Today, my American aunt stopped speaking to me because I reminded her that, as a Canadian immigrant, she can't vote, let alone for Trump. FML

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By I'm an idiot - 01/04/2016 21:04 - United States - Quakertown

Today, my crush asked me out. I was so happy at first that I completely forgot that it's April Fools day, and said yes while freaking out. The entire thing was caught on camera. FML

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By averageswissgirl - 01/04/2016 20:55 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, the guy I have been casually seeing decided he has a thing for my roommate. My roommate feels the same way about him. FML

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By EmeraldArcher74 - 01/04/2016 20:39 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I rented a brand-new fishing boat. Midway through the trip, however, I found out that my "bait" was replaced with a cassette tape, with a note on the side that said: "Happy April Fools!". Rent for new boats is sixty bucks per hour. It took two to bring it back. I paid $240 to do nothing. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 20:38 - United States

Today, I was watching tv with my boyfriend, and a commercial came on with a couple in a happy relationship. So then my boyfriend said "I wish I was in a happy relationship." FML

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By Kyle - 01/04/2016 20:33 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I finally built up the courage to ask out my crush. To my surprise she said "Yes" and I had forgotten it was April Fools. Later today she told me she was joking around and already had a boyfriend. FML

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By danm_1 - 01/04/2016 20:31 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I went over to my aunt's place, only to find her and her friends, trying to twerk to Amy Winehouse. They're all over 40 years old. FML

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By anonymous - 01/04/2016 20:29 - United States - Calhoun

Today, I went into labor. My family nor my husband believe me, and they think it's an April Fool's joke. It's not. FML

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By stillnothealthy - 01/04/2016 20:17 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I discovered I'm allergic to the contrast dye used in MRIs, CT scans, and some Xrays. I had surgery and have several follow up MRIs scheduled. The dye makes me throw up, and the surgery was on my throat. It hurts to even swallow. FML

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By EsteriGermaine - 01/04/2016 20:10 - United States - Royal Oak

Today, my guinea pig taught his brother how to open the cage door. They won't stop opening the cage door and dragging the treat bag in. FML

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By campbelllp - 01/04/2016 20:01 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, my brother thought the best April fools joke would be to brake into my apartment, wait until I got home and smash a half full wine bottle over my head. It was also my wine and he drunk the other half. FML

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By andreimona - 01/04/2016 19:52 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed. Once I woke up, still under the influence of sedation, I apparently tried to hit on the surgeon, the secretary, my dad's friend and told my boyfriend I am taken. I have no memory of this. FML.

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By stressedoutlady - 01/04/2016 19:35 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I realized my severe anxiety and chronic depression are the reason I have bad memory. It's so bad that I can't even remember most of my memories growing up. FML

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By ALittleFreak - 01/04/2016 19:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I called my boss hoping to smooth things out because he's been calling me his girlfriend to my fiancée and has been acting super unstable lately, which been causing work problems. Before I could speak, he yelled at me saying need to stop being so emotional, fired me and hung up. FML

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By brandyred - 01/04/2016 19:29 - United States - Pikeville

Today, my husband and I have been separated for a few days. We are being civil about the split but are exhausted both emotionally and physically. After much deliberation, we decided tell our families and friends that we are getting a divorce. Neither of us realized it's April fools day today. FML

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By thatshannah865 - 01/04/2016 19:18 - United States - Douglasville

Today,I heard what I thought was my brother shooting his pellet gun. I went outside to see that my car was ablaze. I totaled it a few days ago and it has just stopped raining long enough for the live wires to start a fire. FML

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By shitty cat - 01/04/2016 19:11 - United States - Mcgaheysville

Today, my cat thought the perfect April Fool's joke would be to take a huge dump on my bed while I was at work. She had diarrhea. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 19:09 - United States - Fremont

Today, for April Fool's, my friends told my parents I'm pregnant. They never said "April Fool's" to them, though. FML

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By obake_neechan - 01/04/2016 18:59 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I visited a psychiatrist for my depression. He asked for a reference that he could contact. The same day, I received a call. Thanks to my reference, my meds have now been doubled. FML

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By EX-gf - 01/04/2016 18:47 - United States - Clover

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be a hilarious prank to replace the water that cleans the windshield with flour. I got fined $230 because the officer thought I was trying to prank him. FML

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By joklli - 01/04/2016 18:45 - United States - Boise

Today, I found out I owe over $1,000 dollars in debt. Why? Because the hospital refuses to try and go through my insurances. When I talked to the insurance agents the just claimed its "not their fault for them not billing us" I just got laid off a few weeks ago and haven't gotten any interviews. FML

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Top

Today, I sharted while skiing - wearing a bib outfit and no change of clothing. FML

agreeclassic 1 709

vote type 1 424

Today, I realized I can never live with my fiancée. A childhood of systematic teasing, abuse, and humiliation has made me terrified to use a bathroom around a guy if there's the slightest chance I can be heard, seen, or even have anyone know what I'm up to. Therapy has yet to fix anything. FML

agreeclassic 33 381

vote type 1 5 455

Today, I was bored, so I started to declutter my closet. I found a pair of jeans I hadn't worn in years and thought they'd fit. As I struggled to pull them on, the seam ripped really loud, and my cat shot out from under the bed like a spooked rocket. Apparently even my jeans feel the need to yell at me for getting too big. FML

agreeclassic 474

vote type 1 313

Today, feeling down and dejected because of the shitty weather and none of my friends or family wanting to spend time with me to feel loved I took my favorite stuffed animal and that says 'I love you' when you squeeze it. I squeezed it. Nothing happened. Even an inanimate object rejected me. FML

agreeclassic 30 281

vote type 1 6 749

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

agreeclassic 61 631

vote type 1 14 053

Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog who had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML

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vote type 1 1 637