Nearly FMLs

By longbeck4 - 07/04/2016 06:49 - Canada - Delhi

Today, Today, my sister punched me in the face but denied doing so. In my anger I messed up her bedding. She had a freak attack and started throwing stuff, apparently unmaking her bed is worse than her punching me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By kingoftwats - 07/04/2016 06:47 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I found out my fiancé is cheating on me when we went to Harry Potter World in London and he gave her name whilst buying tickets instead of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 678

You deserved it 813

By Anonymous - 07/04/2016 06:43 - United States

Today, I realized that I'm allergic to latex. After years of using latex condoms and experiencing a burning feeling after, I used one that was latex free. It turns out, burning after intercourse isn't normal.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Technastar - 07/04/2016 06:28 - United States

Today, My boss told us to rush and finish our office move as he had an announcement when we finished. In the haste a coworker pushed me and I fell severely twisting my ankle. The big News? We get the rest of the week off! Now Im stuck in hospital until Sun as I may have broken it. Its Wednesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By CedarCityUtah - 07/04/2016 06:13 - United States - Cedar City

Today, I realized for the first time since I ended a 6 year friendship between my (ex) best friend and I, that I miss his dogs more than I actually miss him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/04/2016 06:01 - United States - Sherwood

Today, I was in class when our teacher asked what our favourite book was. I said mine and he spent 5 minutes telling everyone why is was a bad book FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By JustAUsername95 - 07/04/2016 05:23 - United States

Today, I am apparently an awful person for defending myself from malicious rumors. A chick who's mocked and ridiculed me for the past six years told everyone I'm a cheating whore, but I'm a bully for mentioning her by name asking people not to believe what she says about me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By tmb1003 - 07/04/2016 05:19 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was laid off. They are eliminating my position and replacing me with someone to do my EXACT job. They didn't think I was "able to handle the new position". I've done it for over 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Randomnis11 - 07/04/2016 05:18 - United States - Modesto

Today, I found out even if you have honors, that won't stop someone from asking if Jupiter is a star, and several people from claiming black holes don't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By GingerSnap98 - 07/04/2016 05:17 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, last week my mom had the runny nose, sore throat, and fever flu. While my sister also had the extreme stomach flu. Guess who now caught both? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By MidnightRose - 07/04/2016 05:04 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my dog peed on the carpet while staring at me. He's house broken, and 14 with no mental issues FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By OMFML - 07/04/2016 04:52 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I got cussed out on the subway by a middle aged woman because all of the music videos I choreograph have stripper poles and that is degrading to women. I work at staples, FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Pearsall

Today, I found out the incredibly good-looking guy who I've been crushing on is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By LovelyBird_23 - 07/04/2016 04:21 - United States - Bedford

Today, I got a call from my ex bf yelling, insulting me because i didn't tell him I was pregnant. We broke up 7 1/2 years ago. I've been married 4 years, and my son is 2. When I told him that, he ignored it and continued demanding a DNA Test. I told my husband and now he won't speak to me.FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By saggynuts - 07/04/2016 04:16 - United States - Springfield Gardens

Today, I accidentally gave a homeless women 20 dollars by accident. I didn't want to go and beg for it back so I just let it go. 20 minutes later I saw her in an alleyway smoking crack, FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/04/2016 04:08 - United States - Peachtree City

Today, I just caught my husband cheating on me with my mom.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By SammiFoxxpaw - 07/04/2016 04:03 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I realized that the reason I'm so reluctant about getting a job is that I'm afraid my boyfriend will bring someone home and cheat on me while I'm at work. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 3

By flamed22 - 07/04/2016 03:58 - United States

Today, It was my first day wearing my new all white vans shoes. While I was walking through one of my classrooms this girl drops her coffee just as I walk by, exploding right next to my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By jfwhyte8 - 07/04/2016 03:57 - United States - Milledgeville

Today, after accepting a new job & setting a start date, my wife has decided it's in our best interest to stay where we are since we are getting a divorce. Why are we divorcing you ask? That's because she can't take my parents comments on how she needs to get a job to help support our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By spearcom - 07/04/2016 03:37 - United States - South Lake Tahoe

Today, I learned that the girl I've been dating for a while now has a twin brother when we ran into him at a mall. And tonight while getting intimate, I failed at getting it up because I can't stop seeing his face on hers. This is gonna be hard to get thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anthonydpalm - 07/04/2016 03:27 - United States - Bruner

Today, I spilled a container of peanuts on the floor. Since I didn't feel like cleaning it up, I led my dog over to the pile so that he could quickly devour it. Turns out peanuts give my dog stomach problems. Long story short I'm currently scraping explosive diarrhea off of my living room walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 4

By Pissed Dad - 07/04/2016 03:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, some biker clipped my kid as he was passing by and didn't even apologize. I threw my coffee at him and nailed him in the back of the neck. Now he's suing me for the burns on his neck and face. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 4

By Bigfoot - 07/04/2016 03:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was training my kids soccer team and I was showing them a drill where you place down a line of soccer balls and go through and kick them as fast as possible. I demonstrated first. Apparently, someone snuck a medicine ball in the mix. My right foot is shattered and I'm filing a lawsuit. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By HighSchoolProbs - 07/04/2016 03:16 - United States - Dublin

Today, I got locked in a hot guys garage butt naked. I heard his parents ripping him a new one and his sister had to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By JusTheo - 07/04/2016 03:14 - United States - Winona

Today, I decided to apply for some jobs to save up for my first car. Today was also the day that I found out no one would hire me due to my mild autism. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/04/2016 03:09 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in bed when I asked him a question. Mid-question he sticks his finger into his ear that was next to me, and proceeds to tell me that my voice was like nails on a chalkboard. Then apologized and said it was because he was so high. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By HaterOfGrapeSoda - 07/04/2016 03:07 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I was working as a cashier, and I was checking out this Russian couple. They had a whole lot of steak so the price was high. They got so mad at me that the woman poured her 2 liter grape soda all over me. I had to still work my 10 hour shift because it wasn't a good enough reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/04/2016 02:57 - United States - Boulder Creek

Gave my significant other his (and my) first hand job. He came and my brain didn't know what to do, so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Thar she blows!"

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By JustTheTruth42 - 07/04/2016 02:52 - United States

Today, my credit card company notified me of unusual activity on my credit card. I pulled out my wallet and sure enough it was missing. As we were speaking, I was told another charge was being made. About an hour later, I get a call from my mom asking why I'd had her arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By sakoman - 07/04/2016 02:51 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, my cat had the greatest idea ever: hide inside our Christmas tree and attack anyone who walks past. It would have come as extremely funny to me if I hadn't been her first victim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 282

You deserved it 8 233

Today, I lost my job because I fell victim to an incredibly complex phone scam. The hackers didn't get anything, but now I don't know what's worse - I can't afford to feed my kids, or I can't afford my chemotherapy for my my terminal cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 213

Today, I invested in some menstrual underwear to save money on sanitary products and for environmental reasons. I got to wear them only once before they were accidentally washed too hot and completely ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 147

Today, my dad told me quite bluntly that, while he loved me, he never planned to have me. My mom baby-trapped him by sabotaging their birth control methods, and my existence ruined his life irrevocably and caused the functional alcoholism he has suffered with for 40 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 122

Today, my brother asked his wife for a divorce, but she got so mad at him that he backtracked and told her it was a prank I'd put him up to. She’s still mad as hell at him, but thanks to his lie my name is now mud in our entire family. I was at work all day, and I did nothing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 108

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 462

You deserved it 10 346