Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 18:27 - United States

Today I finally met a guy who is perfect for me. He lives on the other side of the country and leaves Saturday. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 06/04/2016 18:22 - United States - Newark

Today, my boyfriend texted me and said "I love you Emily, I would never cheat on you." My name isn't Emily....Fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By ChanelleGreen - 06/04/2016 18:14 - United States

Today, I decided to blow up this air mattress ,to see if it had a hole in it, then quickly went to use the bathroom only to hear a loud POP , now there's a huge hole in the air mattress for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By BDanzeisen - 06/04/2016 18:11 - United States - Richmondville

Today, I just fount out my cousin is pregnant. I would be happy for her if it wasn't for the fact she's tried to convince my parents it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By kaityislaced - 06/04/2016 18:05

Today, I read a text message from my boyfriend and I responded. After 3 hours of him not responding, I found out that I didn't even hit the Send button. Now he is mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 18:04 - United States - Sacramento

Today, when I woke up this morning, I farted. But it wasn't just a fart. As soon as I farted, I started my period too. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Katt - 06/04/2016 18:03 - United States - Columbia

Today, I learned why the entire school got sick. Apparently our college cafeteria failed its heath inspection this year. I have a meal plan and have been going to the doctor for stomach problems for the past six months. I put 2 and 2 together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By ann - 06/04/2016 18:01 - United States

Today, I got fired for over doing my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By gabby1001 - 06/04/2016 17:57 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I was beginning to wonder when my councilor appointment would be approved, so I could finally talk about my depression. This is the 3rd time my school hasn't approved my appointment in a row, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By alwaysaja - 06/04/2016 17:48 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, my dogs were sick. They spent all day laying in my mom's room. When they finally decided to get up, they walked into my room. Guess whose room smells like dog vomit? FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By anon - 06/04/2016 17:34 - Latvia

Today, my sister got me fired from my security job by stealing a bunch of stuff from the shop I work at when she "dropped by to say hi." I was almost arrested as her accomplice, but instead I was fired for failing to notice my own sister was a shoplifter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anonyferret - 06/04/2016 17:23 - United States - Columbus

Today, my cat died. He was the runt of his litter and died of heart failure at seven years old. We took him home from the vet after he was euthanized in a shoebox as I was walking out to bury him, the box slipped from my hands and I watched my dead cat roll out. My dog began to lick it.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By XXFMLXXQUEENXX - 06/04/2016 17:22

Today, I realized I have longer hair on my body than on my head. This might have been fine, if I weren't 15 and a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By SEA WEEDS - 06/04/2016 17:19 - United States - King George

Today, I realized that "seaweeds" are called that because they are literally weeds that live in the sea. I am 18 years old and am ranked third in my graduating class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By TallBoy_Ryan - 06/04/2016 17:15 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I was woken at 5 in the morning by the sounds of a door opening and my book bag being rummaged through. I ran to the kitchen and called 911 for a robbery. Turns out, it was my grandfather going to the gym and needing headphones. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By sexedb4sex? - 06/04/2016 17:08 - United States - Fredonia

Today, I found out I'm 3 months pregnant. My longtime boyfriend doesn't believe it possible because "I always closed my eyes when I came". He's 23.FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 17:02 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I learned my girlfriend of 2 years has been talking to someone behind my back. This guy being my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Damoray - 06/04/2016 17:02 - Ireland

Today, I got soaked cycling from work to the train. Then train was delayed. And I forgot to pay for my parking this morning so my car may be clamped/have a boot on it. Guessing game until I get back to my home town. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By BrokeAF - 06/04/2016 16:59 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I noticed my coworkers high fiving each other and cheering as I left after I stormed into my bosses office and told them I was quitting.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 16:50 - Australia - Caboolture

Today, and for the past two days I have had either explosove diarrhoea or been painfully constipated. I also have an extremely important interview tomorrow which I cant reschedule. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Nekopara - 06/04/2016 16:38 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got myself my favourite animal, a cat. Today, I found out I'm allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By DogTroubles - 06/04/2016 16:25 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, my dog chewed through a $200 limited edition collectible of mine. Not only did she completely ruin it, but she bit through the blue liquid on the bottom, spilling it all over my newly purchased white comforter, and having to rush her to the vet. I don't know which to worry about first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 16:24 - United Kingdom

Today when I was at the orthodontist, I was getting train-tracks on my bottom set of teeth. Half way through the procedure, the guy putting them on suddenly says "Drat!" and calls for his assistant. When I got home I saw that he had misplaced one of them and now there's a scar on my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 16:22 - United States - Fairfield

Today, my dog thought it would be a great idea to pee all over the bathroom. And my bed. And my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By penis therapy - 06/04/2016 16:20 - Latvia

Today, was the third time a spider dropped down and went straight for my penis while I was in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By ghost_66 - 06/04/2016 16:13 - Canada - Kingston

Today, I was given an apple pie from my neighbor. I only realized afterwards that the apples were from my orchard at the far end of my farm. I never let my neighbors on my farms property, nor did I tell them I had an orchard. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By EnderHorse - 06/04/2016 16:08 - United States - Trenton

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone in the parking lot at school. After I realized this I turned around to retrieve it only to witness 2 cars run right over it. Surprisingly, only the screen protector was shattered, only to trip and drop it which broke in two prices a few minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 06/04/2016 15:56 - United States - Amenia

Today, I was awoken by my own gagging, and puked all over my pillows. My boyfriend woke up with Chipotle farts and Dutch ovened me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 15:43 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my monthly friend decided to make an early visit....while I'm at work....on my chair. Needless to say I have to wait until lunch time to stealthily switch chairs with an empty desk and try and clean off as much as I can before being spotted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 15:42 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I was sitting looking at my phone and out of nowhere a bee landed on my phone. Im scared of bees so I dropped my phone and ran. It stayed on there. I kept a distance and waited to see when the bee would leave. It stayed on there for 10 minutes before flying towards me and stinging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

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The Top

Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 741

You deserved it 9 081

Today, my boss wanted to talk to me. Nervous, I went to her office. Turns out that my coworkers talk about me behind my back, and my boss is worried about me. Apparently, I lie about my bad knees, and me wearing black leggings is horrible. Most of them wear sweatpants on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 168

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I liked. We sat in the gardens, me facing the path, him with his back to it. We were in deep conversation when I noticed a dog that looked exactly like mine. Then I looked up and saw a man that looked like my dad. Yes - my parents followed me on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 143

You deserved it 3 739

Today, my dad made the New Year’s resolution that he’d try to get on better with my boyfriend. We’re less than 24 hours into the 1st of January and he’s already chased him around the garden trying to brain him with a meat tenderiser. Business as usual then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 165

Today, my girlfriend turned down my marriage proposal because the ring I gave her was bigger than the one her sister got at her proposal. Apparently she wouldn't be able to brag to her sister without "looking like a bitch for having a bigger ring". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 277

You deserved it 287

Today, I went to wish one of my friends a happy birthday on his Facebook wall, only to see that I was blocked. Turns out, he blocked me because he'd developed a crush on me for some time and couldn’t stand seeing the posts between me and my new boyfriend. So basically I can only be his friend if I’m single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 186