Nearly FMLs

By JXPAOL - 06/04/2016 10:29 - United States - Watertown

Today, my gf was supposed to be moving in with me but she didn't show up, I just found out that she moved in with her other gf today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 10:28 - United States

Today what was meant to be a fun hour long paddle with a friend and my dog turned into a five hour ordeal including a coast guard helicopter, an ambulance, a hospital visit for mild hypothermia, a broken phone and a lost canoe. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Greg - 06/04/2016 10:25 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I thought I'd make a alcohol funnel, I used a piece of hose that had been used for weed killer not realising, now everyone who drank from is is violently sick FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Becs0278 - 06/04/2016 08:59 - Sweden

Today, I had a dentist appointment and did my first root canal. I don't mind going to the dentist, but when she first stabbed me hard in the lip and then started humming the imperial march while cleaning out my tooth I finally understood why people have a fear of going to the dentist. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By socalchic420 - 06/04/2016 08:54 - United States

Today, I came home to the surprise of a clean room. My mom decided to clean her 25 year old daughters room and I had left my vibrator under my pillow. I have looked everywhere and still have no idea where it is and I'm too embarassed to ask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By notasnack - 06/04/2016 08:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my brother to pick up some goldfish for me at the store. He came back with two live fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Doragonkira - 06/04/2016 07:55 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I went into my roommate's room after he told me I could borrow some socks. I picked the wrong socks and put my foot in his sperm rag

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By squizzlebee - 06/04/2016 07:37 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I was woken up at 6am by my housemate's loud alarm, and then kept awake for the next two hours through a mixture of slamming doors, aggressively stomping around. and loud conversations right outside my door. Today was my one day off and I'd been looking forward to a lie in all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 07:18 - United States - Cincinnati

Today at work, we are so ridiculously underscheduled that there was only two of us. One cashier and one kitchen cook. I had to take a drive through customers order while using the toilet. fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By bleeding2death - 06/04/2016 06:30

Today, I feel significantly better due to a new antidepressant, to the point that I now have the energy to get back in the gym and everything. The only problem is a pretty terrible side effect- this will be day 27 of my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

By montycrython - 06/04/2016 06:00 - United States - Greenville

Today, I came home from work to find my girlfriend attempting to flush my pet snake down the toilet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By ChiefKoala - 06/04/2016 05:56 - United States - Rockwood

Today, whilst doing the hold-it fast walk to the bathroom, I sneezed and pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By areyouseriousrn - 06/04/2016 05:33 - United States - Miami

Today, my sister has officially gotten her period before me. My sister is 11. I turn 15 In a week. My whole family won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By type 1 honey bun - 06/04/2016 05:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my doctor told me I should go on a strict diet and cut back on food, as fat contributes to diabetes. As she turned around, I heard her mutter, "And they wonder why they get this disease." I'm type 1 diabetic, 108 pounds, and my pediatrician is a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Reallydude - 06/04/2016 05:25 - United States - Denver

Today, I decided to text my boyfriend a really cute text. We haven't seen each other in a 2 months, so I told him how much I miss him and love him and how I couldn't wait to be reunited again. His response "cute lol". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By prezkal - 06/04/2016 05:10 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm at Disneyland. I fainted at a resturaunt and now can't ride any rides the rest of the time I'm here. I just got here and am here for another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By sexualising - 06/04/2016 05:05 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my sister got a new job off of Craigslist and deposited her first check into my bank account since she doesn't have her own yet. Now I'm being put under counterfeit fraud and can never have a bank account with bank. Ever.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By acps199610 - 06/04/2016 05:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I was up all night getting things ready for the class in the morning. While I was working on my paper, I passed out only to wake up and find out that I missed the exam. That exam worth 25% of my final grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By redbahler3 - 06/04/2016 04:47 - United States - Kerrville

Today, after having sex with my husband he said "yup I'm gay" and then took a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 04:38 - United States - San Diego

Today, I got so drunk I tried to light an electronic candle on fire. I didn't realize it was fake until the hot plastic started to melt on my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Catastrophe - 06/04/2016 04:24 - United States - South Pasadena

Today, my brother sent me a picture of my cat vomiting on the stove, while I was at work. Upon arriving home 8 hours later, I discovered he had refused to clean it up, blaming me for my cat's actions. The stove is now clean, but I can't get the scent of cat puke off of my hands. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By dying - 06/04/2016 04:22 - United States - Roswell

Today, I'm 7 weeks pregnant and have food poisoning. Morning sickness, food poisoning, and a double at work in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Fartest - 06/04/2016 04:16 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, I was on my bed reading when I let out the longest and loudest fart ever. I went downstairs to get a snack when I saw my friends, their moms and my mom all just standing in utter silence in the living room. Did I mention I was in my underwear, too? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 04:13 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, what started as a friendly play fight between my two cousins less than five years old, ended with my aunt in the hospital, my sister and brother hating eachother, my cousin hating the family and my mom putting me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By SeriouslyBugged - 06/04/2016 04:12 - United States - Albany

Today, while I was "cuddling" with my boyfriend, I noticed a stinkbug (which I have a crippling fear of) on my ceiling above the bed. I tried to ignore it, and was doing alright until it suddenly flew down and landed on my knee. I had a panic attack in the middle of sex because of a bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By brown trickle - 06/04/2016 04:03 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I had a class presentation. I also learned that paralysing stomach cramps can and do turn into explosive diarrhea mid presentation.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By jackers43071 - 06/04/2016 03:56 - United States - Newark

Today, I found out that my grandmother's cat has been peeing in my room again I haven't told her yet since last time she put down a whole box of moth balls to keep the cat from peeing. I don't know who told her this works, but I can promise you the only thing it accomplishes is my slow death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By NotAGoodName - 06/04/2016 03:51 - United States - Hickory

Today, My parents were talking about the April fools joke I made about me and my fiancée being pregnant. My mother said "Thank God you were kidding. I thought you were about to ruin some child's life for a second." I had no idea it was April 1st when I told her, and my fiancée is, indeed, pregnant.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By riddler82 - 06/04/2016 03:40 - United States - Springfield

Today, after five months of talking to this girl she decides to be completely honest with me. She confesses that she only liked me for my dog. Glad I only liked her for the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By poowife - 06/04/2016 03:28 - Australia

Today, I asked my boyfriend for a kiss. He promptly pulled his pants down, and farted in my face. Turns out he's caught the bug that's going around, because he also sprayed diarrhoea all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend of three years dumped me because my refusal to go out drinking or get wasted at parties with her makes me "too boring". Thing is, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I'm over one year sober and I don't want to risk relapsing again, yet she expects me to choose between my health and her idea of fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 175

Today, my neighbour threw a bucket of muddy water over the fence at us because he said we’d been noisy since 5 a.m., and he was sick of it. We were noisy getting ready for my wedding. The water hit me and all my bridesmaids in our dresses, since we were ready and waiting to get in the limo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 320

Today, like every day for the past year or so, I went for a walk. And like every time I go for a walk, I got severely winded halfway through. I have no medical issues like asthma, I’m just out of shape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 772

Today, I went to the drugstore to get supplies for my broken toe. Because of the swelling, I could only wear open-toed sandals on this cold day. At the store, a tall, heavy man in winter boots tried to get by me, and ended up stepping on the toes of my good foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 398

You deserved it 2 694

Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 129

You deserved it 7 711

Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 508

You deserved it 1 783