Nearly FMLs

By bluestripedsockm - 06/04/2016 15:36 - United States - Los Angeles

Today I made it to my morning class earlier than expected, and I decided to use the extra time to work on a project. The laptop won't start and I have a 12 hour school day ahead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By TrainedWoman - 06/04/2016 15:35 - United States - Houston

Today, I've become so used to my husband getting up to pee in the middle of the night that when my alarm went off this morning, I got up to start my morning routine by going to the bathroom. Without thinking, I lowered the seat and sat down... on the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Mother Russia - 06/04/2016 15:34 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I came back home from a trip to Russia that included shitting uncontrollably in my pants, puking, getting hospitalized from the flu, hooked onto an IV and being feed awful food. Just when thought that my life couldn't get any worse l got the chicken pox and I'm on my period, FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By lame - 06/04/2016 15:10 - United States - Statesville

Today, I need my ACT scores to sign up for college classes. But I'm the only one in the whole school who doesn't have them. The application is due today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Jmdezy - 06/04/2016 15:06 - United States

Today, in biology class my teacher announced to the class "Next class we will be making babies". My dumbass thought it was appropriate to yell out "Hellllllll yeahhhhh". This two hour detention is going to be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 14:52 - United States - Tampa

Today, I asked my girlfriend to prom. She said no because I'm too short for her when she wears heels and that she is embarrassed by that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 06/04/2016 14:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to be spontainous and surprise me with roses and chocolate. turns out I'm extremely allergic to chocolate and the pollen from the flowers. needless to say he broke up with me because I projectile vomited on him while he was naked

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By rgetting - 06/04/2016 14:24 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, My motorcycle is broken down 10 miles from home with a broken spark plug. I have what I need to fix it at home. My wife is home but not answering the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By PugLord - 06/04/2016 14:23 - United States - San Jose

Today, I actually tried on my Chinese Test, and got a 45 percent. Now I can't eat dinner and my parents took down my bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 14:21 - United States - Lexington

Today I finally got to have a threesome. Only to be told to leave after the foreplay. Turns out my girlfriend would rather have sex wither her bestfriend then me. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

By alphacat7 - 06/04/2016 14:08 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, while I was at the light waiting to make a left, i was blasted from behind by a big black SUV. I just got my car out of the body shop right before the accident. Turns out it was a cop and he was texting.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By babydaddy - 06/04/2016 14:08 - United States - Henderson

I have been in an open marriage for two years. I just got served divorce papers. Why you ask? My wife left me for my girlfriend. fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Harle - 06/04/2016 13:58 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I went into my dad's bathroom to get some suntan lotion before heading to the pool. I opened the medicine cabinet and saw something weird, so I picked it up and realized it was my dad cock ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By sallysali9 - 06/04/2016 13:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I made tacos for me and my brother.I fried the shells, ground and seasoned the beef, and I was just in the middle of garnishing until I realised I couldn't eat my taco because I'd got braces the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By HVCST - 06/04/2016 13:48 - United States - Jefferson

Last week, I asked the girl of my dreams to prom, but I already knew she couldn't go since she was going to a concert, but I asked her anyway. She said it was nice, but she's going to the concert. Today, someone else asked her, and she decided to go with him instead of going to the concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By whatsyourproblem - 06/04/2016 13:42 - United States - Chicago

Today, a girl called me Emily instead of my actual name for the tenth time. I got really mad at her and then she said that I shouldn't be getting mad about it, and that it's an easy mistake. I've known her for a year and we were just in a 2 month play together. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By brownapple - 06/04/2016 13:37 - India - Surat

Today, my sister factory reset my phone because I accidentally broke her pricey new necklace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By JimminyCrib - 06/04/2016 13:30 - United States - Falls Church

Today my son got sent to the principals office for yelling "Suck it" in class after the teacher had told the class "I have two words for you". I just wonder if he did the DX sign as he yelled it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By shitvasana - 06/04/2016 13:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my stomach began to rumble while I taught my yoga class. As I went to do the crow pose, I quietly shart my pants a little, unexpectedly. I was too embarrassed to stop so I continued class until the end of the hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By nah - 06/04/2016 13:08 - United States

Today, I was studying last minute for a quiz. As I was looking at the study guide, some wise-ass thought it would be funny to come and tear it out of my hands. Who needs A's anyway? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 13:04 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my dog said good morning by throwing up everywhere. I almost threw up four times while cleaning everything. And I thought waking up with a migraine today was bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 12:48 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I fainted in my brother's walk-in closet while trying to get something down for him. He woke me up by screaming "COME OUT OF THE CLOSET!" I'm trans, lesbian, and not out to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By tired_programmer - 06/04/2016 12:38 - Canada - St. John's

Today me and my group presented our final iteration for a group programming course. I had been messing about with the database till late the night before, and had accidentally left a frustrated line of code in, which led the whole class and instructor to see. It said "hbu go fuck urself". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By ladycube - 06/04/2016 12:07 - United States - Lakeville

Today, hoping to impress my new boyfriend, I wore sexy tights over to his house. It just so happens today is also the same day his entire family was home waiting to meet me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 11:59 - Germany - Frankfurt Am Main

Today, my mom complained about her crappy life because she needs to fill in for a sick employee. We were at my sister-in-law's funeral and stood right next to the coffin. Oh, and said employee may lose her eyesight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By dabeastman - 06/04/2016 11:48 - United States - Arlington

Today, I found out the chocolate allergy I've been struggling with my whole life is gone. To celebrate, my friends and I bought a huge chocolate cake. I cut a really big piece, only to find out I don't like chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 11:41 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my cat decided to wake me up by fish-hooking her claw through my lip. She then got stuck and in her efforts to free herself Freddy Krugered by face. Ow. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 11:27 - United States

Today, I was awoken to my new cat inserting her claws into my windpipe. It's been less than 24 hours and my cat is trying to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By ThirteenThirteen - 06/04/2016 10:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was walking my dog and came across a friendly horse. I obviously stroked it until I realised that 'it' was a 'he' and he was enjoying this immensely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By SUN_lover - 06/04/2016 10:37 - Sri Lanka

Today, my dad wouldn't stop sharing pictures of random naked women. I commented telling him to stop. His reply? "She sees us rollin she hatin" and almost all my friends and his friends liked his comment. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I watched one of my neighbor's trees fall into the electrical lines outside my house. This was after he took a chainsaw to the tree. He refuses to cover the damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 343

You deserved it 2 938

Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 794

You deserved it 2 408

Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 457

You deserved it 24 766

Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 411

You deserved it 801

Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 735

You deserved it 40 837

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 666

You deserved it 51 526