Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 07/04/2016 02:48 - United States - North Port

Today, I went to give my girlfriend a present. She responded with breaking up with me out of the blue. Complete surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Failure - 07/04/2016 02:45 - United States - Mercer Island

Today, I left my trombone in our schools instrument storage room, which is locked at 4. I realized this at 7:30, as I was about to leave for a band concert that counts towards our grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 07/04/2016 02:45 - United States - Jacksonville

Today after not dating for three years, a guy told me I was sweet and kind and wonderful, and anyone would be lucky to have me. Then he turned to his left and asked my best friend for a date. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By addixkay - 07/04/2016 02:42 - United States - Mchenry

Today, while doing the dishes my 12 year old brother says "wait you're supposed to use water AND soap… I just rinse them under the water… oops" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By TiredTeacher - 07/04/2016 02:39 - United States - Arlington

Today, I got a district e-mail telling me I needed to prove my identity and employability. I can't locate my original birth certificate or Social Security card, and I don't have a valid passport - the only documents that are acceptable. I've worked for the district since August 1997! FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By No - 07/04/2016 02:32 - United States - Brandon

Today, my mother's house burned down. Immediately, I called my boyfriend to console in him. After talking, he pauses, and says "so...can we still have sex tonight?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By rootbeercheese8 - 07/04/2016 02:31 - United States - Plainfield

Today, while on vacation, I heard of a deadly car crash. Who died? My grandma and grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By fishermen - 07/04/2016 02:27 - United States - Kansas City

Today, the high school fishing team was taking pictures by our pond. I walked down to the pond and was going to make a cast or two. Slipped and fell into the pond getting all my clothes wet and muddy. Still had to take the pictures. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By maalmawr - 07/04/2016 02:26 - United States - Laguna Niguel

Today, I got robbed but had no money and the the thief told me next time to "have cash on hand". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By BeautifulHamster - 07/04/2016 02:18 - United States - Miami

Today, I saw my ex working at the gas station. Trying to be cool, I walked up to her and asked her where the condoms are. She gladly walked me over and handed me a bag of small water balloons.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By whygodwhy - 07/04/2016 02:05 - United States - East Orange

Today,it's the first time I've seen my long distance boyfriend in 6 weeks. He has been listening to his roommate's girlfriend complain about something for the past hour, while I sit in full lingerie in his bedroom. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/04/2016 01:36 - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I came back from a trip. I share a room with my brother, and when I got back, I found $160 missing. My brother is the only one who's been in that room, but he keeps saying it wasn't him, and my parents believe him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/04/2016 01:30 - United States - Nicholasville

Today I surprised my daughter with Merle Haggard tickets she could attend with her father on her birthday. She sent me a teply text that he had just died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Birchwood - 07/04/2016 01:26 - United States - Cypress

Today, I was walking and stupidly ran into a bed post and landed on my face, to this my half drunken mother just stares at me and then says, "ya know what? she is MY daughter" and walks away FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By jwalking - 07/04/2016 01:22 - United States - Graham

Today, while on vacation in New York, I spent 15 minutes explaining to my nervous 5 year old how to cross a busy intersection. Finally she had calmed down and we waited for the light to turn. Then some biker got nailed by a van and thrown into the pavement face first. She hasn't stopped crying.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Sjobley - 07/04/2016 01:21 - United States - Mars

Today, I let my friend hold my model lightsaber which I had just finished 3D printing, painting, and polishing over the course of 3 months, only for him to drop it and break it in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By highschoolsucks - 07/04/2016 01:15 - United States - Pittston

Today, I found out that the 17 yr old girl who was having an affair with a teacher was nominated for Teacher's Pet in our yearbook. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By fatjogger - 07/04/2016 01:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while on my morning jog, a guy in a van pulled up next to me and shouted "Run, Forrest, run!" I thought it was kind of funny and laughed, but he corrected me. Turns out he was actually yelling "fatass". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Wife_of_a_Pedo - 07/04/2016 01:12 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of me from 5 years ago, before we met. I'm 20 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/04/2016 01:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that I'm most likely allergic to bleach. I work in a restaurant where 80% of my job is cleaning, with bleach. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By OP - 07/04/2016 01:08 - United States - San Lorenzo

Today, I went to the hospital I work at thinking it was going to be a normal day, but then I was informed that my dad was in a room. They told me his last words were "tell the cats I loved them" then he had past not remembering me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By meh - 07/04/2016 01:05 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I felt something in my eyelash, and reached up to pull it out. It was a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/04/2016 00:53 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, My boyfriend told me his wife found out about his affair with me and hired a hit man to kill me for being his "side chick." This is the first I've heard about a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By AintNoSlytherin - 07/04/2016 00:45 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, while at work mowing lawns I hit a piece of plastic hidden in some tall grass which shot out at high speed befor hitting a lady straight in the face. My coworker who saw it screamed out "Ten points for Gryffindor!" and then calming continued working away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 07/04/2016 00:43 - United States

Today I was in a crowded elevator when a man with a bunch of boxes forced his way on and started pushing me. He then got mad at me because I wouldn't move. The reason I didn't move because I didn't want to hit the guy on my other side who was in a wheelchair. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/04/2016 00:24 - United States - Tucson

Today I learned that one of my oldest friends is a pornstar. Apparently my husband didn't know that google searches on his phone sync to Chrome on our laptop. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By sadlife - 07/04/2016 00:09 - Canada - Markham

Today, I realized that the co-op placement of my dreams was denied. I spent weeks perfecting my application, and was informed by all my friends who had gotten in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By wells - 07/04/2016 00:07 - United States - Tuscaloosa

Today, I finally got a package from my parents with my spare key to my car after losing my car key 5 days ago. As I'm walking up to finally move my car it turns out they sent me the wrong key and my car was being towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By ughcatherine - 07/04/2016 00:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, my kids earned their spot on Jerry Springer by calling the cops on each other for no other reason than that they couldn't get along. They're both in their thirties. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By wasliedtoasakid - 06/04/2016 23:44 - United States - Turlock

Today, I did a presentation in Bio. Since I have really bad social anxiety, I was proud of myself for doing it without having a panic attack, like always. When I finished, I went back to my seat in silence. I realized I was the only one nobody clapped for. Then, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, after months of convincing from my friends, I finally bought a car they claimed would be a chick magnet. Wrong kind of "chick," mates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 82

Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 426

You deserved it 11 113

Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 282

You deserved it 4 849

Today, after setting up surveillance in my front yard to see whose dog keeps crapping on my lawn, I finally caught the culprit on film. It was my heroin addict neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 283

You deserved it 3 591

Today, my six year-old son asked me, "Dad, what's a glory hole?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 136

Today, I received a gift certificate from my grandmother for a local bookshop. Considering how broke I am, this would be a fantastic gift. If the bookshop in question wasn't a right-wing evangelical Christian Bookshop, and I wasn't Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 144

You deserved it 3 702