Nearly FML

By Oiler - 11/04/2016 17:05 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, while getting ready to take a major test I got stung by a bee . Apparently some idiot took my eppi pen thinking it was a pencil. FML

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vote type 1 1

By sammysucks - 11/04/2016 17:02 - United States - Redding

Today, I woke up from a nightmare about over drawing my credit card $2000. I got a call later that day from my bank telling me my card has been stolen and someone in Washington was buying stuff on my account. It was about $2000 worth of purchases.

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By sammysucks - 11/04/2016 16:56 - United States - Redding

Today, a guy I just started seeing said his best friend wants to meet me and see if she approves. Seconds after I read the message I get a request from her to follow me on insta, snap chat, and Facebook. We've only been on 4 dates and I'm already dealing with crazy girls in his life.

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By NewHire - 11/04/2016 16:54 - United States

Today, my fellow employee was given my old desk in the back of the office, while I was given her bigger, better desk up front. I am full time and she is part time, so it makes sense. Though this decision was made by my boss, she decided to erase my entire hard drive while I was out for lunch. FML.

agreeclassic 4

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By NerdGirl321 - 11/04/2016 16:45 - India - Noida

Today, my mom found out that I lost my virginity since she found a pregnancy test kit that I had bought. FML

agreeclassic 4

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By outintheopen - 11/04/2016 16:44 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I finally came out as a lesbian and started to publicly date the woman I love. Which prompted all the other women she loves in her spare time to come forward. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By justkeptbuzzing - 11/04/2016 16:39 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my boyfriend was furious that I'd bought sex toys without his permission, so I went out to give him some time to come to his senses. When I came home, I found his opinion had definitely changed. He'd used my new vibrating bullet on himself. And it had 'gotten lost'. FML.

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By areyoukiddingme - 11/04/2016 16:33 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I got reported for sexual harassment at work by a coworker. She later admitted that she was developing feelings for me, and decided this'd be the easiest way to make sure things didn't develop any further. FML.

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By freckles - 11/04/2016 16:30 - Sweden - ?rebro

Today, I went to a body shop store, just to have one of the workers come up to me telling me how huge my pores were. They're actually freckles. FML

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By thinktwicehmmm1 - 11/04/2016 16:03 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I paid an "experienced essay writer" from Craigslist $180 to write me a 5 page essay for my university course. She submitted it to me late and it was so lousy that I only got 40%. FML.

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By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 16:01 - United States - Portage

Today me and my boyfriend celebrated our anniversary. Two weeks late. Because on our actual anniversary he invited his cousin and friend to come over and play video games with him instead. Guess who was invited to our late celebration too? Fml.

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By anon - 11/04/2016 15:54 - Canada - Burketon Station

Yesterday, I spent 5 hours studying for a test. I found out as I was taking the test that I studied the wrong subject. FML

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By ilikemen - 11/04/2016 15:45 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was at work when a customer came up to me. She looked at me for a second and then asked, "Are you a lesbian?" A bit shocked, I replied "No, I'm not." She then paused and looked at me again before saying, "Oh, because you look like one." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 15:40

Today, I have been left in charge of the house while my mom is away on vacation. So far I smashed the gatepost with the car. Found two dead birds in my mom's aviary and seems to have clogged the washing machine while washing my nieces stuffed toys. My mom is away for a month more... FML

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vote type 1 1

By WTFIsMyLife - 11/04/2016 14:42 - United States - Tampa

Today, my mom mentioned in passing that there is more rape at my high school than any other school in the county, and says she knows why I like it there. She wonders why I think she's homophobic and unloving... FML.

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By mike6r - 11/04/2016 14:41 - United States - Houston

Today, I got back to school after a haircut. I was confident about it, until my classmates said "Sorry about your haircut". FML

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By newly single mummy - 11/04/2016 14:17 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, my husband has always said he doesn't want children, I thought he would change his mind after a few years so I secretly stopped my birth control. Today I told him I was pregnant and less than 3 hours later he went to live at his best friends house and hired a lawyer to handle our divorce. FML

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By dad? - 11/04/2016 14:16 - South Africa

Today, my father told me he is disinheriting me if i don't leave 'that boy' I've been seeing. That boy is my husband of 5 years, and the father of my kids. The same boy he handed me over to at the end of the aisle on my wedding day. Fml.

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By anonymous - 11/04/2016 14:14 - United States - Gainesville

Today,I found out my wife is pregnant, I got a vasectomy years ago, and she knows it.FML

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By ugly - 11/04/2016 14:11 - South Africa

Today, my gorgeous new boyfriend introduced me to his friends. The first thing that was said to me: "I never thought a girl who looks like you do would be the one who makes him settle down." Then i got shown a picture of his model ex. Fml.

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By surprise - 11/04/2016 14:06 - South Africa

Today, I got engaged. My boyfriend asked me in our lounge, in his sweaty gym clothes, while I was cooking dinner. Why no romance, you ask? "Because this is a real surprise isn't it, that's better than romance isn't it?" No, dude, its not. Fml.

agreeclassic 3

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By JustATeenageMess - 11/04/2016 13:59 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, my parents had a terrible argument. My Father was so pissed he decided to turn off the electricity to get back at my Mom. Little did he know I had just finished my 70 point essay, I was just about to save. FML.

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By CaptinHazza - 11/04/2016 13:56 - Australia - Summer Hill

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on my with my mum. FML.

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By commitmentphobe - 11/04/2016 13:56 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my now ex girlfriend and I started speaking at the same time. She told me to go first, and, finally having faced my fear of commitment, I asked her to move in. She looked at me, and said "Maybe I should have gone first. I fucked you brother." Fml.

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By gerrof - 11/04/2016 13:51 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me while he was inside me. Fml.

agreeclassic 3

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By poopfacescolydo - 11/04/2016 13:48 - Spain - Madrid

Today, during dinner with my family, my dad had a long look at me. Then turned to my mom and asked "is she pretty?" My mom shrugged. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By SoMuchOfGross - 11/04/2016 13:46 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, or last night, I had an erotic dream. When I woke up I was surprised at how wet I was, only to get up and realize I had started my period. Fml.

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By Snooze - 11/04/2016 13:41 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I finally called the girl I have loved for 10 years. We had agreed 5 years ago that if on today's date we were both single, we are meant to be, and I waited for her. She got engaged yesterday. Fml

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By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 13:37 - United States - O Fallon

Today, someone asked me if I am pregnant while at work. I am a fit 17 year old virgin, and I have never felt insecure about my weight/body size until I was asked that question. FML.

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By close - 11/04/2016 13:34 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I was offered a dream job by a company that headhunted me. I had to turn it down because my violent ex-stalker works there. The pay is double. Fml.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

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Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I went to the mall with my mum. She had a few too many drinks the night before. As soon as we got into the mall, she puked. She walked around the mall with me, blowing chunks into a plastic bag. FML

agreeclassic 31 153

vote type 1 2 862

Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML

agreeclassic 1 999

vote type 1 553

Today, I woke up in a puddle of blood after 7 hours of sleep. Before going to bed, I had inserted a tampon that should've kept me dry for at least 8 hours. Apparently it doesn't work well if sleepy me forgets to take the top part of the plastic wrapping off. FML

agreeclassic 2 464

vote type 1 1 253

Today, I got a message from my ex saying how sorry he was for everything he did. He also said that if he wasn't getting married and having a kid we could still be together. We broke up a year ago. FML

agreeclassic 28 937

vote type 1 2 684

Today, I realized that my lack of body hygiene reached a new high when I discovered a pimple growing on my penis, which I now know is genital acne. It hurts to sit down or touch my penis in any way. The worst part is that I am only thirteen. FML

agreeclassic 157

vote type 1 804

Today, I was bored and all alone while cleaning at work. This led me to start passionately doing a ballet dance in the empty corridor. I promptly stopped as I remembered the surveillance cameras. FML

agreeclassic 25 470

vote type 1 11 377