Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 01:29 - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, at my nursing home job, an elderly resident punched me in the stomach. He later told administration that I punched him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By giventorg - 12/04/2016 01:23 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, I worked up the courage to tell my crush I liked them. He said he had liked me too so of course I was ecstatic. But he said he couldn't get into a relationship with me because he needs to check with his ex first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By cool_cAt - 12/04/2016 01:12 - United States

Today, my crush finally asked me out. it was great. until I threw up all over her brand new dress, shoes, and hair. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 01:12 - United States - Roanoke

Today, my friend was tired and grumpy, at least more than usual. Being the snarky person that I am, I said, "love the energy this morning," thinking they would find it funny. Instead, she broke down into tears. I had no idea her grandfather had been diagnosed with cancer.FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By nortwdschick - 12/04/2016 01:00 - United States - Muskego

Today, while fishing the ocean on vacation, my husband caught a monstrous fish, while I caught sea sickness, a nap, & half a body of sun poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Delirious_Panda - 12/04/2016 00:49 - Australia - Currumbin

Today, I had to make the decision to put my wedding date back a whole year so that I can pay for a new car (only a year after buying my last car) because it has decided to try and murder me on multiple occasions mostly while driving down the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By lonelycat - 12/04/2016 00:26 - United States - Hilton

Today, my psycho mother attempted to steal my depression and anxiety medications for herself claiming that she needs them more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By the Master - 12/04/2016 00:24 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I realised that I have to remind myself everyday that violence is not the answer. I'm just not cut out for having a flatmate it would seem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 00:17 - United States - Stonington

Today, I spent 200 dollars at Best Buy to have my computer fixed just for them to tell me they can't do it and I should've called the manufacturer instead. They also refuse to give me a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 23:57 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found out my mom ran away and got married. I guess she forgot to mention it was to my ex-husband, and now my ex is my step dad. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 1

By Xavier2 - 11/04/2016 23:46 - United States - Brookings

Today, I am still reeling after telling my girlfriend that my Grandpa had less than a year to live. She must have thought I needed alone time, because she broke up with me less than an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Cnscott0205 - 11/04/2016 23:45 - United States - Denver

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, if you have to force yourself on a woman even if she's your girlfriend or wife it is still considered rape. He just looked at me like I was stupid and said that what I was saying was bullshit. I've been dating this guy for almost two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Angie - 11/04/2016 23:29 - United States - Norfolk

Today my mom told me that it was okay that my butt isn't big because my stomach makes up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By justmyluck - 11/04/2016 23:24 - United States - Westbury

Today, I went for a job interview. My possible boss was told Im a vegetarian. The only position he offered me, was in the deli cutting meat. Theres no other available positions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By eanelyeliab - 11/04/2016 23:21 - United States - Ava

Today, after sleeping with a guy I've liked for a long time, he admitted he wanted to sleep with my best friend. I asked him not to, just to avoid unnecessary drama between her and I. He then told me he just said that to see how I would react because he'd already slept with her multiple times. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By sad balls - 11/04/2016 23:18 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I woke up to a pain in my stomach, so I went to the bathroom to pee, only to realize I couldn't feel my balls, so I went to the emergency room only to find out I had testicular torsion and had to get my left nut removed, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 23:14 - United States - Morgan Hill

Today my boyfriend proposed to me and I was just beyond excited, we had sex and then I went back to my place to think it all over and redid all the last name and first name combinations nonsense. I then had to take a dump and then as I reached for the toilet paper, my ring fell into the toilet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 11/04/2016 23:04 - United States - Dandridge

Today, my mom accused me of doing drugs. The reason? I had a migraine and didn't want to do the dishes that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By dasmarra - 11/04/2016 22:29 - Germany - Stadthagen

Today, after a long period of reevaluating, I decided to forgive my girlfriend for cheating on me. She immediately broke up with me, saying she didn't want to be the bad guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 22:23 - United States - Waukesha

Today, I saw my bird humping one of his toys. My bird has a better love life than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By unemployed - 11/04/2016 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a big job interview. I am also dealing with terrible stomach issues. During the interview, I let out a rancid SBD and my interviewer noticed it, and stopped in his tracks. The smell was so horrible it started making me nauseous and I ended up throwing up all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By crazy mama - 11/04/2016 22:14 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I know what insanity feels like. My eighteen year old daughter found an old Disney CD at a vintage store and has been playing It's a small world nonstop. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 22:09 - United States - Hampstead

Today, I met my roommate's mother. Turns out I met her before. drunk. and told her I gave her son the best bj of his life. we have been at her house for 8 hours. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By fuckme_328385 - 11/04/2016 21:45 - United States - Berwyn

Today, I left my shopping cart outside the restroom at the grocery store, and when I came out of the bathroom I saw someone running away from my cart, and I looked into it and it was full of mayonnaise and ketchup, FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By gunner1579 - 11/04/2016 21:31 - United States - West Haven

Today, my mother told me that not only is my grandmother in he hospital. But that my cat got attacked by something last night and we had to put him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Edge45 - 11/04/2016 21:21 - United States - Dalton

Today, I had a raging boner when a girl told me she would miss me, right before class ended. I had to walk to my next class while hiding it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By rmonk - 11/04/2016 21:14 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, I was in the car with a couple of my friends, one of which I've had a crush on for 4 years. My friend's dad, who was driving us, entered the conversation and thought me and my crush were dating. I then had to awkwardly explain we're not dating while she sat next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By ImVeryKoalafied - 11/04/2016 21:13 - United States - La Verne

Today, I realized just how pathetic my obsession with reading FMLs is when I lost a front tooth just hours before my graduation photo shoot and my first thoughts weren't about finding an emergency dentist, but if this story would actually be put on FML... FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By lolmyfduplife - 11/04/2016 20:51 - United States - Corona

Today, I had a horse show that I'd been putting back breaking work into for months. Right before I entered the arena, my horse flipped out and I fell off right onto my head. The first thing my dad said: Were you video taping that! That was awesome. I'm glad one of us got enjoyment from my pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 11/04/2016 20:39 - United States - Rutherfordton

Today, my newly wedded husband and I learned we cannot sleep, at all, around each other. We are both so exhausted that he went to sleep out in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I got off late from my bartending job, which is close to my house, but my boyfriend begged me to come to his place half an hour away. I decided the sex would be worth the drive. He was sound asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 374

You deserved it 562

Today, while I was driving, there was a high speed car chase. The runaway managed to avoid my car but the police didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 790

You deserved it 1 704

Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 640

You deserved it 8 238

Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 254

You deserved it 4 781

Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 422

You deserved it 10 455

Today, I looked into my fiance's Twitter to see he follows tons of "nipslips" and adult/porn pages, even though we've had numerous fights with him making excuses as to how/why I've been "misunderstanding" past issues. At this point I've pretty much bet my life on this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 910