Nearly FML

By anonymous - 15/04/2016 08:35 - Australia

Today, I told my mum I didn't want to drive her car because I was too anxious about damaging it. She persisted and I eventually finished all the errands she wanted me to do without a hitch. I then followed to smash the side view mirror as I was parking in the drive way. Goodbye $600. FML.

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By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 06:47 - Canada - Stewart Valley

Today, my boyfriend was helping me trim the shaved part of my hair. I got an undercut a few months back and he's been shaving it whenever it gets to long. As he was packing up the razor he paused, looked at me, and said "I shave my balls with this razor". It's been months...FML

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By Bawsack - 15/04/2016 06:36 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I handed in my resignation at work because I got offered an awesome new job with better prospects and more money. My boss refused to accept it, telling me if I left, it was "breach of contact" and the company would seize my salary. I have been a model employee for 8 years. FML

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By chefcat - 15/04/2016 06:15 - United States - Orlando

Today, I discovered that fingers and meat slicers don't mix too well. FML

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By zaise_chsa - 15/04/2016 06:03 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I realized how similar my dog's kibble looks like Cocoa Puffs when I accidentally switched the two. I noticed before my dog had any Cocoa Puffs, but not before I took a large bite of her milk covered kibble. FML

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By sadblufly - 15/04/2016 05:24 - United States - Louisville

Today, my mom is in denial that I'm her child. "God wouldn't give me a child that's bipolar, he would give that thing to someone going to hell already." It wasn't my fault I was born this way.... FML

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By 548425 - 15/04/2016 05:21 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I accidentally texted my friend a sweet good morning text meant for my girlfriend. When I saw him later that day, he said "love you too babe!" And kissed me on the cheek. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 05:00 - United States - Van

Today, was my daughter's birthday (she turned 10) I got her an iPod and told her to take care of it and we'll discuss a phone in the future. she looked at me disgusted and said this is from the medieval ages when i was a kid d that she'd rather have the money I used to buy it...FML

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By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 04:44

Today, I got to cross "get stalked" off of my bucket list. It wasn't there before, but I put it on there since it's apparently going to happen anyway. FML.

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By Krazygamer42 - 15/04/2016 04:31 - United States - Fontana

Today, 30min after closing a customer wanted to come in and order a burger. I told him I couldn't open the doors after they were locked so he decided to make his own door through the glass. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 04:19

Today, I sent a text to my wife bitching about having to do a favor for a friend. It was right after hitting send that I realized I'd sent it to my friend and nother my wife. Hanging TVs has never been that awkward.FML

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By campbelllp - 15/04/2016 04:15 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, my dog decided the best place to do a shit was in the middle of a 3 lane street. FML

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By baddays1332 - 15/04/2016 03:58 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half dumped me over text. The night after I finally agreed to have sex with him.

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By ladymunchkin742 - 15/04/2016 03:57 - United States - Bedford

Today, my fiancé finished before I could even get on top. He's passed out hours ago while I'm wide awake. I also have to wake up for work in 3 hours. FML.

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By why him? - 15/04/2016 03:54 - United States

Today, I was walking in the hallways with my friends, when one of them decided it would be funny to shove me to the other side of the hallway. It would've been funny if I hadn't tripped over my own feet and into my crush, who gave me a disgusted look, rolled his eyes, and walked away from me. FML

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By eriinbell - 15/04/2016 03:43 - United States - Richmond Hill

Today, my school had a fire drill today. This would've been fine if I wasn't in the bathroom, mid-poop. FML

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By ChelseyIsMyBabe - 15/04/2016 03:29 - United States - Cornersville

Today, I got my Fasfa return back from the government. I was expecting a moderate sum considering I'm from a low income family. I opened the letter like anyone would have done to find out my mom mistakenly submitted her income of the last year was 1,900,000. I'm now getting no money. FML.

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By I only screw up perfect moments - 15/04/2016 03:29 - United States - San Francisco

Today,my girlfriend and I had dinner at my house with our parents there. Everything went perfect and at the end, she fell asleep on my shoulder. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I picked her up carried her inside. It went smoothly until I hit her head on the door frame ruining the moment..FML

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By kasindra - 15/04/2016 03:21 - United States - Louisville

Today, my boyfriend fingered me. Too bad he had hot wings before. It still burns down there. FML.

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By MrsFay7179 - 15/04/2016 03:20 - United States - Yucca Valley

Today, I woke up with my 5th cyst on my tailbone. my hubby took me to the er because it was already the size of a golf ball only for them to tell me I need surgery and they can't do anything today. I can't sit or walk right, the pain is unreal and it looks like I'm growing a 3rd butt cheek.. FML

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By me - 15/04/2016 03:05 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I was at school and I had to present in front of the class. I was so nervous that as soon I got to the front, I threw up all over the front desk. to make matters worse my report was on bulimia FML

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By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 03:01 - United States - Miami

Today, I have period shits. On a four hour drive to meet my boyfriend's parents. FML.

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By tinudaindian - 15/04/2016 03:00 - United States - Woodside

Today, the replacement screen I ordered came in earlier than I expected. So I jumped right into swapping my shattered screen with the new one, after moving all the sensors, camera and another components from one frame to the other, I pushed the screen into place, cracking it. FML

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By Sleepless - 15/04/2016 02:56 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I calculated all the sleep I've gotten in the past two weeks. It turned out to be around 8 hours. My mom refuses to take me to a doctor to get help for it. FML.

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By anon - 15/04/2016 02:55 - United States - Hackettstown

Today, my water heater broke, flooding my basement. This comes three days after finding out my car's transmission is failing, six days after I was rejected from my major program at school and a week after I was lectured at by my mother for worrying too much.

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By nah45 - 15/04/2016 02:52 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, after successfully crossing my living room without waking my sleeping dog and her 4 puppies, (which they whine almost 24-7)I went to the fridge to get a snack,didn't know my cat was up there, I open the door and he screamed, causing me to yell and wake the pups and they're still whining FML

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By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 02:48 - United States - Bronx

Today, one of my closest friends confessed that she's in love with me. While I was trying to confess mine to a girl I've liked for over 4 years. Needless to say, my chances are probably 100% ruined since she did it right in front of the girl. FML

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By that awkward chick - 15/04/2016 02:44 - United States - San Diego

Today, I finally texted this guy I have a crush on. After we had a conversation I screenshot the whole convo so I can send it to my best friend but it turns out I just sent it back to him. I freaked out and turned off my phone just to turn it back on and try to explain myself. He didn't reply. FML

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By ScubaSteve - 15/04/2016 02:40 - United States - Upland

Today, I came home early from a business trip and found my wife in bed with another woman who was dressed in my clothes.

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By lucifersdaughter - 15/04/2016 02:35 - United States - Detroit

Today, in my first period class, my psycho teacher decided to begin the class screaming at us and proceeded to give me and all but 3 other students piles of work without teaching us how to do it. Why? Yesterday was apparently senior skip day, and I was actually just home sick with the stomach flu .

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Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

agreeclassic 28 478

vote type 1 4 206

Today, it's been a few months ago since we finally got the divorce we’ve wanted for years. He seems to have forgotten our shared photo library as he just uploaded a bunch of photos of all his disgusting sexual exploits, including the threesome he always wanted. Meanwhile, I can’t get so much as a second date. FML

agreeclassic 477

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Today, I accidentally dropped the batch of bread that was ready for the oven, after waiting for two hours. We have nothing else to eat. FML

agreeclassic 883

vote type 1 193

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he said he needed to be with someone smart so that he could impress his parents. I just got accepted into medical school. When I pointed that out to him, he added that he needed to be with someone attractive. FML

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Today, my longtime crush and best friend got a new girlfriend, with the same interests him and I share. Despite us being compatible in interests, he just never saw me in a romantic way. When I asked if we’re so alike, what does she have that I don’t? He said, “Trust me, you don’t want to know the answer.” FML

agreeclassic 188

vote type 1 651

Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML

agreeclassic 1 486

vote type 1 559