Nearly FMLs

By Why_The_Fuq - 15/04/2016 20:03 - United States - Athens

Today, we had a fire drill in 5th period. The only problem? Our teacher told us they were just testing the alarms as it hadn't been scheduled. We sat there for 5 minutes while the rest of the school evacuated. Glad it wasn't a fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By get out - 15/04/2016 20:02 - United States - New Britain

Today, my mom informed me that I would have to be moving out by next week. I would have no problem with it, except for the fact that I'm 16 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By wwgrd - 15/04/2016 19:58 - Sweden - L?ddek?pinge

Today, as I rushed out of the laundry room I accidentaly locked my electronic chip for the door and my wallet inside. Since it's after business hours I'd have to pay 300$ for an emergency locksmith. I really hope someone booked the next laundry time, which is 7 AM on a saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Jmdezy - 15/04/2016 19:31 - Switzerland - Lugano

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The carrier we use is a tad bit small. While in the waiting room an old lady walked up to us and said "You need to give that big pussy some air." I laughed so hard and was slapped by her for being rude. Everyone in the waiting room saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 19:31 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, my girlfriend told me I should commit more to our relationship. Initiating a date or sex with her is like finding a sober clown for a party, but I'll try my best. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 19:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today I went to gamestop to sell my ps3. After plugging it in to test it and going about the transaction, I was about to leave when the worker goes you forgot your DVD and held it up in a crowded store...it was my porn FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By really? - 15/04/2016 19:26 - United States - New Britain

Today, my now ex-boyfriend pushed my heavily pregnant sister down the stairs. Why? He wanted to get revenge on her for eating the last package of Oreos.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By FroZenPsycho - 15/04/2016 18:47 - United States - Sammamish

Today, I asked my mom if she had any batteries, she pointed at her nightstand, I looked inside for batteries, but all I saw was a bottle of lube and 12 vibrators.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 0

By Grahamll - 15/04/2016 18:46 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, my brother dropped my new phone off of the table. Luckily I have ninja fast reflexes and stuck my foot out to catch it. Unluckily, my phone still bounced onto the floor and I now have a broken screen and two broken toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 18:42 - United States

Today I was wearing boxers that had hamburger print on them. At some point in the day unbeknownst to me I ripped the ass out of my jeans, exposing my burgers for everyone to see. I had no idea till I got home from work. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Karl - 15/04/2016 18:33

Today, at her request, I gave my heavily pregnant wife a hip and back massage. I kissed her and told her she that she was the best wife ever. In response, she poked my belly and told me I looked like Homer Simpson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By TMO2142 - 15/04/2016 18:31 - United States - Toledo

Today, i was taking my drivers training test. while driving some idiot hit the side of the car.. im being blamed for not watching out for it. i have to pay for the repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By PJimmyB - 15/04/2016 18:30 - Thailand - Lampang

Today, my brother pissed on the floor in our bedroom and told my mum that I did it. Then, I heard my mum tell my grandmother. I hate my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Simple Guy - 15/04/2016 18:23 - United States - New Rochelle

Today, after lunch I was alone in the elevator back to my floor. Being alone I started ripping the loudest most obnoxious farts you have ever heard. Of course I started laughing after every one. Finally I heard a voice on the speaker request me to refrain from polluting the elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 18:16 - United States - Toledo

Today, I went over to a friend's house (male) with a female we were both interested in. My male friend left to get a drink, so the female and I decided to play a joke on him by hiding under blankets and making sex noises. His roommate walked in before he could return and now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By PJimmyB - 15/04/2016 18:16 - Thailand - Lampang

Today, I heard the nurse talking, to my wife, about how my leg had gangrene and how they were probably gonna have to amputate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Prxncxssa - 15/04/2016 18:15 - United States - Rosemead

Today, I was under the impression that I was going to the beach with my friends. It was only until I was three hours late for school because I was packing for the beach when I get a text saying the car doesnt fit all of us and I was voted out... Here I come Saturday School! FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By anon - 15/04/2016 18:13 - United States - Newark

Today, I was in Spanish class. We have to speak in all Spanish if we want something. I asked to borrow a pen because mine was dead. Instead of saying "my pen is dead can I have a new one," I said "my pen is F----d can I new one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By ImaSuckerV2 - 15/04/2016 18:09 - United States - Nashville

Today, I received the dreaded don't come to school today text from the kid everyone calls the school shooter scared I called the cops when questioned turns out he was sick and was being a good friend and didn't want me getting sick. he refuses to talk to me FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By PJimmyB - 15/04/2016 18:09 - Thailand - Lampang

Today, I returned to the hospital. I couldn't get out of bed but had to piss. I filled the little piss-pot thing but had to piss again. I dumped the full piss-pot thing into a big plastic tub nearby. Eventually, the tub filled up with piss and then the nurse arrived. She was furious at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Ghostrder886 - 15/04/2016 18:08 - United States - Hampton

Today, I told the woman I've been talking to for a while that I love her, her response was " I think I'm going to be sick ". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 17:56 - United States - Frisco

Today, I finally had to accept that I have feelings for a very cute and funny guy. It wouldn't be so bad if he weren't my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 969

You deserved it 14 223

By No spit or swallow - 15/04/2016 17:54 - Canada - Collingwood

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob and pulled off just before he came. The splooge landed on his cat, who was walking by the bed. She licked it off her fur before we could get a wet cloth to clean her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By PJimmyB - 15/04/2016 17:54 - Thailand - Lampang

Today, I returned home from the hospital and noticed gangrene crawling up my busted leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 17:49 - United States

Today, I am going through the last four months of night audits correcting the mistakes of the other two workers. I've only managed to get 8 days in. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By PJimmyB - 15/04/2016 17:49 - Thailand - Lampang

Today, I was in surgery getting plates screwed onto my shattered pelvis. The anesthesia started wearing off half-way through the operation and I came to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 17:45 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, it's my best friend's birthday party, and the first time I get to see my new boyfriend after having to spend four weeks apart. I'm also sick with the flu and have my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 17:44 - United States

Today, I had a dream where I was a hooker who had sex with Santa Claus in order to get the leftover toys from Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By ER1C - 15/04/2016 17:39 - Canada

Today, As I was walking to school when I dropped my bag. All my books and my report I worked all night on that was due today fell on the wet road. I was about to pick it up when the school bus passed over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By PJimmyB - 15/04/2016 17:38 - Thailand - Lampang

Today, I had a dream that I was in the hospital with some severe injuries. I tried to free myself, so I could walk home, but couldn't, so I pissed the bed. Then I woke up. I was in the hospital and very wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was pretending to be a veteran for the US Navy at a local outlet, because I was desperate for cheap stuff. All was going well, until an actual vet pointed out that the ship I had on my naval hat was a fictitious one. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 3 468

Today, my girlfriend of two years finally agreed to marry me. As I went on with the proposal, her Grandma tried rejecting me by saying, "These guys have gangster friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 147

Today, I successfully stopped my hair straightener from falling into a bathtub full of water by grabbing hold of the burning hot plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 945

You deserved it 8 201

Today, I got the repair estimate for my car. It's going to cost me $3,000 to rebuild the front end. It was wrecked because a couple decided to have a lovers' spat in the middle of the freeway. I had that car for exactly four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 107

You deserved it 2 688

Today, it’s my birthday. My boss treated me to a day off work, except my mother called at 12:01am drunk as hell screaming, “Happy birthday” down the phone. When I finally fell back asleep, I awoke to my boss asking me to come in after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 126

Today, I received two withdrawal grades in school for dropping the classes due to a kidney infection that kept me in the hospital. I wrote a petition to the dean asking to remove the grades. He replied to send a doctor's note. I did so, and he then said that I was faking and the note was forged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 225

You deserved it 4 700