Nearly FMLs

By ugh FFS - 27/04/2016 10:07 - United States - Huntington

Today, I was told by my "friend" that I'm 'not a very nice person', all because our opinions differ and I regularly voice mine. This from the same girl who told me multiple times that I'm going to hell for being a lesbian. Makes perfect sense right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 42

By poop - 27/04/2016 10:03 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I got suspended from my zero tolerance school for saying the phrase "son of a gun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 35

By MorsPraematura - 27/04/2016 09:58 - United States - Burlington

Today, my 10 year old brother and I were watching a show that had a man with bipolar disorder on it. As soon as my brother figured that out, he turned to me and said I was probably bipolar. I'm depressed and have a couple of anxiety disorders but he may be right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 30

By perfectvaca - 27/04/2016 09:31 - United States - West Point

Today, I went on a planned vacation trip with a friend. We booked a nice cabin in the mountains but decided we didn't need damage insurance. He got drunk the first night and broke the big 60" screen tv. Guess whose credit card booked the cabin? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 19

By IThinkImDying - 27/04/2016 05:19 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, I woke up with the mother of all sore and swollen throats, completely out of nowhere. I have lost my voice and my mother will not phone a doctor on my behalf, so I took to the internet and googled my symptoms. Now I'm terrified I have cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 330

By DrChrisOfWumbo - 27/04/2016 05:18 - United States

Today, My girlfriend opened the web browser on my phone to be greeted by gay porn. Sometimes I really hate my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 118

By thischick - 27/04/2016 05:16 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I rode my bike to work to try to be healthy. On my way home, a bee flew in my face and when I tried to smack it away, I lost control of the bike,fell, and broke my ankle. So much for getting fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 73

By anon - 27/04/2016 05:09 - United States

Today, I finally got my period that is 2 weeks late , at school , while wearing white jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 124

By Embarrassed Guy - 27/04/2016 05:04 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I was enjoying a little me time and taking care of myself. Just as I was finishing my business, my cat jumped into my lap and intercepted the results. So, I had to wash off the cat, which she did not appreciate, and proceeded to gouge my arm. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 47

By Anonymous - 27/04/2016 04:47 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I broke my arm in two places. How? Falling off a horse. We weren't even moving. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 53

By anonymous dimwit - 27/04/2016 04:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was in line at the post office when a police officer stood in line behind me. He asked me what was in the parcel I was picking up. I said I didn't know because it was for a coworker. He joked that we should open it up and share whatever it was, so I said "yeah it might be donuts". FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 127

By Jazzah - 27/04/2016 04:27 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today the vet rang, I had applied for a specicifc credit card (sugested buy a vet) to cover the surgery to save my cat who did not end up making it... the vet just informed that they do not accept that kind of card. Not only have i lost my best friend, I have gained a massive vet bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 25

By Anonymous - 27/04/2016 04:22 - United States

Today, I had to turn down a man that wants to buy my dirty socks, panties, and pay to worship my feet. The worst part is that I really want to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 34

By numbat97 - 27/04/2016 04:18 - Australia - Perth

Today, I didn't feel like going to work and my sister didn't feel like going to school. So we decided to go to the beach instead. I called my boss and said my Grandmother had a fall and we needed to be with her in hospital. This would have worked fine if my boss wasn't also my Dad. I'm an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 179

By Bex - 27/04/2016 04:16 - United States - Prescott Valley

Today, my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. It was so secret, in fact, that no one told me about it. Apparently it was awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 13

By Dark Phantom - 27/04/2016 04:15 - United States - Jenkintown

Today, I came home from school and took a nap. I woke up at 6:30 and thought I was late for school so I rushed to get ready and ran out the door, in the poring rain, to catch the bus. It turns out it wasn't actually the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 43

By cfnavyusn - 27/04/2016 04:13 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I accidentally locked my keys in my car but, I have a spare key in my wallet just in case. As I was reaching for my wallet in my back pocket, I noticed something sitting on the dash. It was my wallet.

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 28

By Anonymous - 27/04/2016 04:12 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had to explain to one of my students that no, Africa isn't a country, and the countries inside of it aren't states. These students graduate in less than two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 9

By The666Ghost - 27/04/2016 04:11 - United States - Houston

Today, I had a long awkward conversation with my mother about the difference between anime and hentai. Apparently when I told her I started writing a few anime t.v. shows. She thought i was writing a porn t.v. show. F.M.L.

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 10

By Anon - 27/04/2016 04:05 - United States - Lexington

Today, I grabbed my gf's moms tits from behind while grinding against her butt. My gf won't believe it was an accident, even though they were purposely "twinning". FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 27

By IHopeSheWorksForPeopleLikeYou - 27/04/2016 04:00 - United States - Media

Today, my supervisor has been bullying me for the past month because I'm disabled and can't accommodate her wants. Turns out, she is part of an anti-bullying campaign... For her disabled daughter. So much for practice what you preach. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 10

By sneezy - 27/04/2016 03:57 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I was rushed to the hospital for a sever allergic reaction to the shot I paid $300+ for, to avoid this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 8

By kimmyganny - 27/04/2016 03:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend learnt how to unhook my bra with 2 fingers. He did it successfully in a crowded subway station, in front of about 10 people giving us horrified and disgusted looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 15

By VictimOfKarma - 27/04/2016 03:49 - United States - San Diego

Today, in PE, we ran continuously for 25 minutes. Me, not wanting to exercise in the 80 degree weather, decided to fake a foot injury. I started fake limping, which was enough to get my PE teacher to ask how I was. I explained my alibi, which worked. My plan damaged my foot in reality, now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 77

By Simba4thewin - 27/04/2016 03:48 - United States - Houston

Today, at work as a mechanic I was finishing an oil change. The gun that dispenses the oil recoiled too quickly and hit me in the mouth. I now have a chipped tooth that's cracked to the nerve. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 9

By Simba4thewin - 27/04/2016 03:47 - United States - Houston

Today, at work as a mechanic I was finishing an oil change. The gun that dispenses the oil recoiled too quickly and hit me in the mouth. I now have a chipped tooth that's cracked to the nerve. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 10

By LickyToBeAlive - 27/04/2016 03:46 - United States - Miami

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he decided he wanted to finish doggie style. Halfway through I heard him laughing. I turned my head and saw him watching DBZ Abridged on his phone with headphones in. I'm more pissed that he didn't want to watch it with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 19

By backgroundcheck - 27/04/2016 03:44 - United States - Stafford

Today, I finally went on a date with this handsome guy I've been interested in for months. The date was going well until we brought up politics and he mentioned he was sexually attracted to Donald Trump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 9

By DDDD_Gigi - 27/04/2016 03:41 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, me and one of my best friend got in a huge fight. We now hate each other's guts. The reason of the fight? Over who was a better companion in Doctor Who. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 27

By skittlesucker55 - 27/04/2016 03:39 - United States - Calabasas

Today, I wasn't paying attention and instead of putting my hands in my bowl of Chips I put it in my pot of boiling water for pasta.

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 33

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The Top

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 163

You deserved it 7 131

Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 279

You deserved it 3 798

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 559

You deserved it 39 028

Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 995

You deserved it 3 823

Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 561

You deserved it 2 534

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 378

You deserved it 2 790