Nearly FMLs

By whatthefaaahk - 28/04/2016 00:11 - United States - West Boylston

Today, my wife left her social worker job to become a minimum wage teachers assistant. I either have to get another job with double the salary or work 80 hours a week to make up the difference. She's mad I'm not happy for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 2

By AL - 27/04/2016 23:43 - Canada - Athens

Today I was texting my very horny boyfriend as I was getting ready for school. We had been talking dirty all morning. I ended up misplacing my phone. Just as I saw it on the table my dad picked it up. Right at that moment my boyfriend sent a text discussing how he wants to undress me. He saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 8

By smellyshit - 27/04/2016 23:42 - Canada - Kincardine

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower when he decided that he had to take a dump. He let it go in the shower without warning and I threw up on him after. He got mad at me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 3

By lizz - 27/04/2016 23:40 - Netherlands - Utrecht

My sister just got a new car. And i've been asking for a new phone for months.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 4

By DragonFruit31 - 27/04/2016 23:21 - United States - Havre De Grace

Today, my dad informed me that he took all of my college savings and put it into my sister's account. Why? Because I stopped going to his house due to the emotional abuse he causes (which has been proven by multiple doctors). FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 4

By AJF226 - 27/04/2016 23:16 - United States - Glendale

Today, I was talking to my friends at school. One told me some people think I'm gay (I'm not). I asked why and they told me to get a paper towel. I get up and walk to get one and they laugh as I come back. They told me my walk is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

By Oh Holy Buckets. - 27/04/2016 23:10 - United States - Youngstown

Today, I was bitch slapped by Murphy's Law when my supervising coworker was out and I thought I could take care of the building alone. The network was disconnected and the phones went down within the hour. I'm a student IT network analyst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 2

By trinalporpus - 27/04/2016 23:05 - Canada - Cranbrook

Today, my girlfriend curled up into a ball and cried for hours because I logged onto Facebook without her permission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 5

By jaytx123 - 27/04/2016 22:54

Today, I a finally told a girl that I liked her. She responded with "Oh Okay, but I already fucked your best friend." He has known for a long time that I had strong feelings for her.

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 2

By Redfox712 - 27/04/2016 22:53 - United States - Louisburg

Today, my brother snuck up on me whilst I was drinking milk. He then played the Pink Panther song on full volume, making me snort my milk all over the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 27/04/2016 22:48 - United States - Lake Worth

Today, while I was moderating FMLs, I felt bad for saying "no" to a couple of them, but just a word of advice to the creators of those FMLs: if you have one grammatical error, then the whole thing is shit. Sorry. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

By beautifulmymy - 27/04/2016 22:46 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I shot pepper spray in my house to test it out. It works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 25

By bracesfaces - 27/04/2016 22:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I sprained my arm while playing ultimate frisbee. Also, I had to get new wires for my braces, where the orthodontist pulled my whole upper brace off. If thats not enough, while at the orthodontist, I walked straight into an extremely cleaned glass door. Im now in pain everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 6

By Silence - 27/04/2016 22:38 - United States - Washington

Today, I went to go get smokes. Leaving the store I saw who I thought was a friend of mine walking. She waved and came over and got in my car. About this time I realized it wasn't anyone I knew. Turns out she was a hooker who wanted to discuss prizes FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 5

By yaboysad - 27/04/2016 22:38 - United States - Omaha

Today, although I suffer from a condition that prevents me from feeling emotion, my best friend decided we were no longer friends, because she feels I have no empathy towards her. Then, my favorite person on earth decided to let me know he's leaving the state next week. Forever. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 2

By ryan9395 - 27/04/2016 22:37 - United States - Patchogue

Today, Today I put my dog in the cage, for attempting to steal crackers from 1 year old son. How does he respond? He goes over to the cage, lets The dog out, and gives her the cracker... FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 11

By izkiz - 27/04/2016 22:30 - United States - Lake Orion

Today, my friend is now constantly making "jokes" about self harm and suicide about himself. Why would he joke about such a serious topic? Because he found out my greatest fear is someone I care about committing suicide. He won't stop, despite seeing me reduced to tears from the "jokes". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 9

By MisaMisa - 27/04/2016 22:30 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend gave himself food poisoning so he wouldn't have to meet my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 3

By SomeFatKid - 27/04/2016 22:29 - Canada

Today, I sucked dick for cab fare and somehow still ended up walking home...FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 7

By RandomTurtle109 - 27/04/2016 22:29 - United States - Hatfield

Today, I got a black eye. How? No, not a fight, not a freak accident. I popped multiple blood vessels in my eyelid ... with an eraser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 6

By Broke a** doc - 27/04/2016 22:28 - United States - Livingston

Today, was my last day of medical school. It would have been a joyous occasion had it not been for the guy who rammed into my car as I was parallel parking outside the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 3

By Dapper - 27/04/2016 22:25 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, I decided to make a move on a friend of mine at school. I only did it because me and her were actually great friends. However, I got rejected within a few moments of me saying how I liked her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

By izkiz - 27/04/2016 22:24 - United States - Lake Orion

Today, my ex and I kissed, as we both still have strong feelings towards each other. This was my first kiss. We dated for a year. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 2

By izkiz - 27/04/2016 22:18 - United States - Lake Orion

Today, the first guy I have ever loved wants to be in a relationship with me. I'm ecstatic! Too bad I'm moving to a different state in three days and will only see him a few times in the next year. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 4

By Richard cranium - 27/04/2016 22:17 - United States

Today, my sister that I haven't seen in years told me she has a bad meth addiction. I just sent her $500 to help pay her rent two weeks ago. Now I'm wondering...Did I just buy my sisters drugs???FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 2

By whatthehelliswrongwithher - 27/04/2016 22:15 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, my mom told me my grandfather, the most influential man in my life, died. I had a breakdown at work, and called lots of people to tell them. Two hours later, she tells me, no, she's thinks he's going to die. Then doesn't understand why I'm upset with her. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 2

By BleachOrRope - 27/04/2016 22:10 - United States - Meridian

Today, I woke up to hate messages most going with the message "Kill yourself" I was very confused about this and found out someone added all my contacts on a site and said they were me, then decided to piss everyone and they flooded to my accounts, that's a great way to start a vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 5

By Suffocation, No Breathing - 27/04/2016 22:08 - United States - Mccomb

Today, I had to be rushed to the hospital. Why? While weight lifting, my spotters didn't notice that I had dropped the bar on my neck and was choking.

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 4

By hannah04? - 27/04/2016 22:01 - United States - Vicksburg

Today, while trying to look sexy in front of my crush, I bumped his feet and fell on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 5

By Adamjmumford00 - 27/04/2016 21:52 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I accidentally set up my friend with my crush while I was telling her how I feel about her. This isn't the first time it has happened. I don't know how I do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 4

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The Top

Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 044

You deserved it 1 704

Today, I've been seeing a therapist after more than 20 years of struggles. I think I saw him cry during our sessions a few times. I guess that my inability to live my life at the fullest was hard earned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 158

Today, I told my boss I need a scrub brush to properly clean the stairs at my workplace. She gave me an old toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 378

You deserved it 1 881

Today, I got fired from work. Why? I finally took a stand for myself and confronted my coworker of writing things up in my name for herself, and it getting deducted from my check. So she went to the manager and accused me of sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 105

You deserved it 3 943

Today, my boyfriend's mother walked in on us having sex. He started crying and ran into the bathroom where my clothes were located, leaving me to deal with his mother. Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 861

You deserved it 8 391

Today, my grandmother yet again asked where my grandfather is. She refuses to believe us when we tell her that he passed away 6 years ago. She always insists that he's out cheating on her and accuses us of lying to cover his arse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 434

You deserved it 1 567