Nearly FMLs

By jokerphreak - 11/06/2016 00:34 - United States - Antioch

Today, I purchased an app to retouch some photos. I needed the whitening tool. Not for my teeth mind you, just to get rid of the piss stains on various items from my sister's hell hound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 14

By Cold138 - 11/06/2016 00:05 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, as an avid manga reader, I decided to show my nephew the awesomeness of manga. He looked at me and asked me if I'm a nerd..... I'm 25 and he's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 42

By chickenhouse - 10/06/2016 23:48 - Australia - Strathfield

Today I masturbated again. It's been over a year since I've had sex. My wife and I have a 5 year old and a 7 month old. We were all set to have a bit of romance when the baby woke up and the 5 year woke up cried and vomited everywhere. Romantic mood over - FML.

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 20

By Archimedes - 10/06/2016 23:35 - Australia - Macgregor

Today, I finished writting my thesis. Today the computer shit it self, thus wiping ever file. Goodbye thesis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 23

By TravelingIsNotAlwaysGlamorous - 10/06/2016 23:34 - United States - Indianapolis

Today I flew home from a work trip to CA. For the first time in a long time, AA flights were on time & I didn't have to wait 30 minutes for my luggage. So happy! Go to valet, they LOST my keys! Waited over an hour. Boyfriend had to bring my spare key. They still don't know where my keys are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 21

By DiamondGirl18 - 10/06/2016 23:20 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my now ex fiancé admitted he cheated on me with our new neighbor. We just moved in 2 days ago. He doesn't get why I am leaving him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 18

By I'm ashamed - 10/06/2016 23:19 - United States - Orlando

Today, I realized how fat I am because I was eating pizza with potato chips on top for a nice "crunch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 37

By Anonymous - 10/06/2016 23:00 - Australia

Today, I went to hang out with friends on the soccer oval. As i got there i got hit in the face with a soccer ball knocking me unconscious. When i regained consciousness I was still in the same spot. Nobody had bothered to see if I was ok, and all my friends had left without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 15

By Martha Singleton - 10/06/2016 22:49 - United States - Taylors

Today an older co-worker found out from another that I was single. He asked, "Mind me asking how old you are?" "Thirty-two," I answered."And you're so pretty....what a waste." FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 14

By zobijayo - 10/06/2016 22:34 - United States - Anderson

Today, my new wife and I are on our honeymoon cruise. To remember it we bought a "real" camera. She was taking pictures of everything the first day and filled up the memory card. So she went to transfer them onto her computer. She accidentally erased ALL of them and won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 20

By Weaknis - 10/06/2016 22:30 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my girlfriend told me to take viagra so I could be harder and "go for longer." I'm 17... FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 34

By Anonymous - 10/06/2016 22:29 - United States - La Porte

Today, I learned my girlfriend has to stay in a mental hospital for the next month and my dad keeps telling me it's my fault she's crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 28

By DookieDanni - 10/06/2016 22:23 - United States - Gaffney

Today, I came down with a bad case of explosive diarrhea. After pooping, my mother went into the bathroom after me only to come out laughing as I apparently forgot to flush and she noticed I didn't wipe. Everyone at home now knows and I'm too embarrassed to admit it was so bad I had to use a towel.

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 31

By DiabolusIgnis - 10/06/2016 22:20 - Finland - Vantaa

Today, I went on a date. It started out all nice and well, until she said "I think I'm falling for this guy, X." I'm not X. We hadn't even ordered food yet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 18

By SoNotOk - 10/06/2016 21:58 - United States - Medford

Today, I woke up to find mouse poop inside of my oven. Like, all the way down in the insulation around it. I rent, so I called my landlord. The maintanance man just sprayed foam insulation in a hole under a cabinet and told me I'll be fine. I just renewed my lease earlier this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 20

By mother of two babies - 10/06/2016 21:52 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I'm in a near comatose state from the worst flu of my life but my man child husband thinks his tiredness trumps this when it comes to taking care of our toddler. He gets a sleep in, I get to struggle to stay awake enough to look after a screaming child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 30

By rookiebenuel - 10/06/2016 21:13 - United States

Today, while i was out of my office someone spilled my coffee. its ok though because my stack of papers and my mousepad kept any from gettin on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 28

By DefinitelyNotTheMainCharacter - 10/06/2016 21:00 - United States - Henderson

Today, I auditioned for a play. It was going really well, until a paper fell out of my script, and slipped on it while I was singing a solo. All of my theatre buddies laughed, including my crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 26

By bummedout - 10/06/2016 20:38 - United States - Aurora

Today, was my baby shower. After handing out tons of invites and everyone telling me they are coming I had 5 people show up. 4 of which put it together. fml

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 21

By horsenbuggy - 10/06/2016 19:57 - United States - Evanston

Today, I was supposed to be leaving for a relaxing week long vacation after a stressful quarter of teaching. Instead I had to cancel my trip because I discovered I have bed bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 10

By soccer1177 - 10/06/2016 19:41 - United States - Marion

Today, I actually received a compliment and it was through instagram (which I don't get from anybody other than family). It was from a girl I've had a crush on for two years. I then see a post from her apologizing to anybody who was tagged. She got hacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 10

By maemismile - 10/06/2016 19:22 - United States - Trenton

Today, I found out that what I thought was 20 swipes a week into the dining hall at my university is actually 20 swipes for the entire summer. I only have 7 left. It's gonna be a long and hungry one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 17

By Ketchup :)) - 10/06/2016 09:32 - United States - Callahan

Today, I told my friend I needed to paint something depressing, she replied back with "how about your love life"? FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 128

By granovist - 10/06/2016 08:35 - Spain - Nerja

Today, My dad accidentally mixed sugar with ALL my remaining washing powder. What's worse? I drank two cups of coffee with it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 59

By hellzangelz - 10/06/2016 08:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after asking my girlfriend on a date, she told me that we aren't actually a thing and simply went along with it as a joke. We've been dating for 3 months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 39

By Erjoy_99 - 10/06/2016 04:49 - United States - Kellogg

Today my four year old nephew came out of the bathroom and my mom asked him what was in his hair, I saw and rubbed it and said, "it's just peanut butter." It definitely wasn't just peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 55

By WhyDoIEvenTry - 10/06/2016 04:45 - United States - Grayslake

Today, I was grading finals for school. I'm a high school physics teacher. For the final I decided to be nice and make it a true or false final (a or b on a scantron). Halfway through, I had to call one of the kids parents and explain how he got a 0%. He marked all his answers as C. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 69

By Foreigner - 10/06/2016 02:37 - Japan - Tokyo

Today I was told by the doctor that the reason my leg wound kept getting bigger and never healed was that my skin flora was: "especially suitable for Propionibacterium". My leg wound never healed because of acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 58

By happiestturtle - 10/06/2016 02:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had to ask an 8 year old to do my hair because I couldn't braid it myself. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 91

By inlovey - 10/06/2016 02:27 - United States - Lupton City

Today, I got mugged. As the guy who robbed me ran away I noticed he ran like a 5 year old girl. I got robbed by a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 46

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I got to work and saw a new desk had been setup on stilts. "Oh, who got the standing desk?" I asked. Turns out it's for the guy in the wheelchair who was right behind me. It needs to be high so the controls of his wheelchair can fit under the desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 657

You deserved it 3 860

Today, I spilled the bowl of cat food I'd just filled. I picked it all up in front of my cat, but he refused to eat any of it. I had to put the food back into the packet and fill the bowl all over again. My cat is a prince. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 701

You deserved it 6 045

Today, as I was crossing a street, a car hit me and broke two of my ribs. The driver was too busy paying attention to his girlfriend who was giving him a blowjob from the passenger seat. I could see the look of ecstasy on his face as he rammed into me and drove off without noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 127

You deserved it 1 028

Today, it was my first day at my new job as a receptionist at a small doctor's office. When the doctor's wife called and asked if he'd stepped out, I blanked the word "Doctor" and instead replaced it with, "Medicine man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 104

You deserved it 2 934

Today, I sent out an email asking people to contact me if they were not on our group's email list yet so that I could add them. I sent it out to the group list. They were quite amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 650

You deserved it 6 134

Today, I'm a counselor at summer camp. I don't know how to tell the 12-year-old girl in my cabin that I can hear porn playing through her headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 384

You deserved it 328