Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 00:35 - United States - Chicago

Today, my parents' dog got scared by a firecracker. My dad spent twenty minutes comforting his "little man." This is the same dad who told me he'd "give me something to cry about" whenever I cried as a child. He regularly shows the dog more affection in a day than he's shown me in 20 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 32

By kms - 08/06/2016 23:08 - United States - Rochester

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. Mortified, I asked my boyfriend to cuddle and comfort me. He insisted that I be the big spoon, because he's "going through a lot" and told me I was mean and to go home when I told him that I want to be little and comforted. This is the father of my child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 29

By AlcoholicPanda - 08/06/2016 21:06 - United States - Bothell

Today, I was playing volleyball with my crush on my team. When the ball came over the net, we both went for it resulting in us falling with my ass on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 31

By kemnz1 - 08/06/2016 20:15 - United States - East Northport

Today I won a school election by the results but my competitors parents paid the school so he could win. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 8

By bluesthegirl - 08/06/2016 20:03 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after having my appendix out, my mother stopped by to visit. Being impaired by pain medication, I whispered that I was too busy because I was making ice cream and that she needed to leave because I would not have enough for her too. She just patted my head and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 21

By tessisue - 08/06/2016 20:03 - Germany - Kerpen

Today, when I came back home my vibrator was gone, along with a teacup. After working up the courage to ask my mother if she knew where it was, she told me she'll give it back when I give her hair brush back. I don't have her hair brush. My vibrator is 96€. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 10

By Addianna - 08/06/2016 19:44 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my boss is away overseas and didn't want any calls sent to his cell phone. I have been telling his clients he's out of the country so they don't hang up and call him on his cell phone. He called and got mad that I'm telling people where he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 12

By sliced - 08/06/2016 19:44 - United States

Today, I was shaving my legs in the shower when I slipped and fell. I threw my hand up to grab onto something. There was nothing to grab, but I did have the razor in my hand still, and I managed to violently slice my top lip open with it. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 16

By GreenReaper - 08/06/2016 19:05 - United States - Worcester

Today, my dad yelled at me for not doing anything and not looking for a job. What was I doing when he called me to yell at me? Working on homework for the Accounting classes I'm taking right now. He insists that if he doesn't see me applying for jobs or doing the homework I must not be doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 10

By GoneCommando - 08/06/2016 18:17 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, the nanny that watches my children took every single piece of underwear from my house until I raise her pay to $15 an hour. I don't even get paid that much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 08/06/2016 17:53 - India - Trivandrum

Today, I bought a very expensive dress and expensive travel tickets for my friend's wedding and was all excited about this wedding for 3 months now and all to find out that I have a college interview scheduled for the same day. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 16

By everestsummit - 08/06/2016 17:52 - United States - Minot

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of close to three years intentially marked herself as single on Facebook. Four Months Ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 12

By ineverlearn - 08/06/2016 17:10 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, I attempted to flirt with a girl. My plan was to say 'That's a beautiful name' after she told me what it was. But when she said her name was 'Bromwin' what came out was 'That's a stupid name'. Her and all her friends looked at me like I'd just stepped on her hamster She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 208

By anonymous - 08/06/2016 16:42

Today, one my customers, a formal NFL player and all around great guy, asked me to go shooting with him at the range. Shooting is my favorite hobby and I compete in it. He has an awesome collection, it's a beautiful day and I have it off. Too bad I'm having a root canal this afternoon instead. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 36

By tinudaindian - 08/06/2016 16:34 - United States - Woodside

Today, my sister drove out of state to go meet her boyfriend for the week, the thing I'm really missing is the only phone charger we shared that she took with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 48

By WinterChild - 08/06/2016 16:21 - Canada - Vernon

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching tv in our private apartment. We had the hallway door cracked open slightly as we normally do to allow for better airflow. Security took this as we broke in, accused us of trespassing, and demanded to see our ID's. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 24

By shmooprrr - 08/06/2016 16:13

Today, I let my cousin play games on my phone. He bought about 350 dollars worth of in-game items. I talked to Apple, but they didn't give me my money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 65

By asmb100 - 08/06/2016 16:11 - United States - Charlotte

Today, the girl I was having sex with decided she wanted to see if she had a pissing fetish. Without telling me. On my bed. I need new sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 22

By pureNed - 08/06/2016 15:50 - United States - Fredericktown

Today, my girlfriend got the $50 flowers and chocolates I got for her as an expression of love and to say sorry for a fight that's been making things hard for us. Her response? "Why did you get me those? I didn't ask for them." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 30

By SickLeavePlease - 08/06/2016 15:17 - United States - Oakland

Today, I realize that I spend more time using the toilet at my new job than I do at my desk. I really hate being sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 18

By maustind110 - 08/06/2016 15:16 - United States

Today, I work as a grocery bagger. I have to wear a tie to work, so I wore a bow tie. Took a woman's groceries out and she said that I looked like a chippendales dancer and that I was her "grocery whore." She was in her late 60's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 27

By AnonymousinFlorida - 08/06/2016 15:08 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I finally got a call back on my 6 month job search.. Its a delivery pizza joint. I have a Bachelor's Degree in accounting, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 30

By laurpasc1 - 08/06/2016 14:54 - United States - Greenville

Today, I was talking to our company programmer about his recent diabetes diagnosis. We started talking about which restaurants in town that he could eat at, and without thinking, I asked if he had tried the new doughnut shop. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 28

By anonfish - 08/06/2016 14:48 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today I was working from home, because I was sick. Yesterday my boyfriend said he could do the same, and look after me. Today he was reminded it was free sushi at his workplace, and left me alone with my snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 21

By anonymous - 08/06/2016 14:34 - Sweden - Sk?rholmen

Today, my boyfriend had hacked in on my Facebook written to most of my male friends extremely rude messages that were apparently from me and deleting ALL of them afterwards. Before meeting him I only had male friends. So basically thanks to my boyfriend I no longer have no friends in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 21

By argnog - 08/06/2016 14:33 - United States - Eagle River

Today, my mother made a Twitter. She then kicked me out of my own house, locked all entry ways, and then proceeded to break my stuff until I followed her. Including my very expensive tv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 15

By CanadianBaconEh - 08/06/2016 14:27 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up early in a drunken state; headache and all. Such that my mouth tasted dry & nasty. After peeing (& washing hands) I proceeded to grab the tooth paste ~ Turns out it was a tube of Vagisil....Well my mouth isn't itchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 42

By rellimgret - 08/06/2016 13:50 - United States - Omaha

Today my 3 year old son pooped his pants and proceeded to shake loose a turd from his shorts on to the carpet. Before I could pick it up, the dog ate it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 13

By ThatGuyBrennen1 - 08/06/2016 13:31 - United States - Walled Lake

Today, I took a exam in which I need to get a good score on to pass the class. I finished two minutes before the exam ended and as I was handing it to my teacher I realized I had used a pen instead of a #2 pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 22

By sleepless - 08/06/2016 12:38 - United States

Today, I'm supposed to be having fun on a camping trip to celebrate my recent high school graduation. Instead, I've been up listening to all four of my camp-mates loudly snore. It's 6 am and I haven't yet slept a wink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 58

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The Top

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at a lake. I felt my stomach rumble and knew I couldn’t make it to shore, so I dropped into the water and had violently diarrhea in the water. It started to bubble, and so I started splashing around, saying, “It’s cold” while she swam around me, in my shit water. I’ve never told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 462

Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 263

You deserved it 4 698

Today, I couldn't enter my workplace because I haven't gotten the new keycard yet. I ended up having to wait outside for close to an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 147

Today, I had the worst Xmas of my life. My wife has been screeching all day about my ex-wife being at a party, As if I invited her, or even had any knowledge of her being there. I even had to go outside to hide my tears of anger and frustration. This has been going on for 30 years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 244

Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 933

You deserved it 206

Today, I found out I did so horrible during my interview that I didn’t even get a rejection email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 660

You deserved it 262