Nearly FMLs

By Louise - 13/06/2016 02:49 - United States - Circleville

Today, I managed to start a road trip home with my loving boyfriend and end it with my ex-boyfriend and yes it's the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 31

By Anonymous - 13/06/2016 02:45 - United States - Council Bluffs

Today,I dumped my fiancé of two years because the relationship was just too much. After I left so he could pack his belongings. He thought it would be a good idea to trash my apartment, pour ketchup on my clothing, belongings, and take a shit on my floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 30

By moms mortal enemy - 13/06/2016 02:05 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I had sex with the guy I like. We couldn't find my panties after and I didn't want to ask where he put them because his mom was within earshot. I later found them in the window. She definitely saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 33

By Anonymous - 13/06/2016 01:44 - United States - Wheeling

Today, my dad had way too much to drink. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that he passed out mid poop on the only toilet in our house and I have to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 16

By witty gadfly - 13/06/2016 01:41 - United States - Lake Ariel

Today in my hotel room, I woke up to a cockroach crawling on me. After killing it, I convinced myself no other bugs could get into the room. I then watched a 4" millepede craw through the crack in the door. I also then noticed that the roach didn't actually die the first time I tried to kill it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 16

By NBK413 - 13/06/2016 01:26 - United States - West Jordan

Today, I found out that I owe $450 in unpaid bills. How you ask? Contrary to what the cashier said, I was not enrolled for autopay when I signed up for my internet back in November of 2015. I didn't realize this until my internet was disconnected 7 months later. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 14

By ew - 13/06/2016 00:35 - United States - Punta Gorda

Today, I got aroused by a pair of breasts while swimming at a public pool. It was not a woman's chest.

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 12

By Koalabiter - 12/06/2016 23:38 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my wife came home from a week long business trip. As soon as she walked in the door, I carried her straight to bed. About halfway through she noticed that something was all over my back. It turns out that the cat wasn't happy and had proceeded to use our bed as a litter box. Game Over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 10

By I hate my life - 12/06/2016 23:13 - Australia

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. Turns out everyone knows she's pregnant she told everyone I'm the father and left her. We didn't even do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 14

By Fungus - 12/06/2016 22:51 - United States - Sterling

Today, I took my end of year test for science. I felt really good going in, but I ended up only barely passing. The test had 23 questions involving fungus, after multiple assurances by my teacher that fungus wasn't part of the curriculum that we needed to know. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 21

By CantUnseeThat - 12/06/2016 20:32 - United States - Havelock

Today, my mom said she would be stopping by for a visit. I knocked on my roommate's door to ask him to help clean up. He said "yo, what's up," which usually translates to "come in and talk to me." Apparently, today that meant "I'm laying here naked, legs spread, fully erect and watching porn." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 12/06/2016 19:03 - United States

Today, a classmate of mine was taking out what I thought was a retainer, as it looked like a wire going across his front teeth. I jokingly said "taking out your dentures?" he replied "yep," and pulled it out to show he had no front teeth due to a birth defect. They were dentures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 23

By no birthday sex - 12/06/2016 18:38 - United States - La Plata

Today, after planning the best birthday ever for my fiancé which included really hot sex and factoring in that we haven't had sex in a month due to our crazy work schedules, I found out I have yeast infection. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 12/06/2016 16:45 - United States - Suffield

Today, I came home from a fun day after cleaning my room all morning. Everything was clean when I left. When I got back, sheets were thrown off my bed, everything on my desk was on the floor, and a glass figurine of my cat was on the floor, smashed. All because this is 'my brother's house too'. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 10

By oghan - 12/06/2016 14:42 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I finished packing my bags after working abroad for 2 months. I got told 10 hours before my flight thay I'm actually staying for another 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 15

By AllahuAkbard - 12/06/2016 10:57 - United States - Woodland

Today, My wife and I are getting it on after 5 months of no sex. Just as she was about to orgasm a bird flew in to the window to cause my wife to head but me and break my nose. fml.

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 75

By 200%Scumbag - 12/06/2016 09:06 - Spain - Barcelona

Today, while on a date with my perfect boyfriend, an unknown man proposed to me. I have no idea who he is and my boyfriend won't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 75

By sff2014mjg - 12/06/2016 08:47 - United States - Denver

Today, my brother in law thought it would be comforting to tell me it's better I miscarried because I'm not going to be a good mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 32

By Sighhh - 12/06/2016 08:30 - Canada

Today, I finally celebrated being debt free. I then spilt a beer on a DJs mixer. Only $3000 until I'm debt free again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 101

By anonymous - 12/06/2016 08:08 - United States - Anniston

Today, my fiancé who I've been with for 3 years told me all of his friends and family ask him why he puts up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 56

By sendhelp - 12/06/2016 07:15 - United States - Chicago

Today, I walked into the laundry room of my apartment building to find my next door neighbor sniffing my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 45

By miserable doctor - 12/06/2016 05:13 - United States - Willowbrook

Today, I realized the air conditioning unit in my living room will cool off everything up until the door way to my bedroom. It's 95 out tonight and my bedroom is a sauna. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 46

By frustrated and tired - 12/06/2016 03:19 - United States - Mount Ulla

Today, I am cleaning out my classroom at the end of the year. I specifically told my students to take all food home or throw it away. So what do I find in a desk? A nice, old, disgustingly rotten apple. It actually disintegrated into black goo when I tried to clean it out. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 33

By greeneyedmonster - 12/06/2016 03:13 - Australia

Today, suffering from constipation at 8 months pregnant, I took a "mild" natural laxative to assist. It kicked in the next day. While I was at the supermarket a ten minite walk from home. I had to waddle home in disgrace with my bags covering my arse to hide the growing brown stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 35

By smurfette7413 - 12/06/2016 03:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Too bad her father is now telling people that there is no way he is the father and that I was pregnant when we got together. I guess I have been pregnant for five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 22

By needagoodlaugh - 12/06/2016 01:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 17 year old daughter hates me because she is grounded for an undetermined amount of time. What did she do? She stole my car last night. She says I'm the one who is wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 18

By AsGoodAsButtons - 12/06/2016 00:24 - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, I made a batch of french fries for my younger siblings. When I was finished, my five year old sister came up to me, slapped my butt, handed my two pennies and a button, winked and said "Don't spend it all at once." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 21

By anonymous - 11/06/2016 23:51 - United States

Today, my power went out due to storms. We get well water at my house and the pumps don't work without power. I'm stuck in the bathroom with food poisoning. I am unable to flush the toilet since there is no water. The workers said they won't be don't fixing the problem for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 12

By angrydairy - 11/06/2016 23:04

Today, my mom came home angry at me for not texting her back when she needed help. She threatened that if I don't "get my head out of my butt" she was going to ground me. I was asleep when she texted me, and she was asking if we needed shredded cheese for tacos tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 25

By Anonymous - 11/06/2016 22:54 - United States - Ravena

Today, I was offered a great job and immediately accepted the opportunity. On my way home my car broke down. It is beyond repair leaving me with no transportation to and from work. I now have to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 21

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend is pushing for sex even though I’ve just had spinal surgery, his reasoning being I only have to lie there, so it’s not like he’s asking me to move or actively participate. He basically wants me to ignore my pain and become a masturbation toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 174

Today, at work, I was supposed to have an easy two-hour shift, after which I was planning on attending a party that had been arranged to celebrate my graduation. Nearly six hours later, I am just getting home after being super busy and shorthanded at work for hours. I missed my own party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 292

You deserved it 3 447

Today, I finally handed my girlfriend a portrait of her. I'm not the best drawer, but I spent weeks on it and I thought it turned out pretty good. When she looked at it, she asked what kind of dog was it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 864

You deserved it 5 544

Today, I learned the hard way that my parents leave the baby monitor in my room when my boyfriend stays over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 309

You deserved it 927

Today, while working at my tanning salon, a woman came in and I put her in a booth, which are all stand up. After she comes out, I go in to clean it and realize that floor is all wet. I questioned her about it and she replies, "Oh, I peed, that's not a drain?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 739

You deserved it 2 869

Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 176