Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 08/06/2016 12:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out my fiance's cousin's wife is trying to do everything in her power to sabotage my wedding. She thinks we are trying to steal the attention away from her because we are getting married in the same year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 18

By Jay - 08/06/2016 12:09 - Denmark

Today, ten minutes before I was off work, I decided to sit in the sun and watch the kids play. Then one of the girls come over to, unhappy to announce that she stepped in a poop in bush and her shoes were covered. It was the poop from another child. Took more than ten minutes to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 23

By Seriously - 08/06/2016 11:48 - United States

Today, I woke up at 7:30am, only running on about 3 hours of sleep, ready for job interview I had 3 hours away. As I'm about 5 minutes from the building I get a text saying "Sorry we can't interview you today." I fell asleep 7 times on the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 34

By ihave2degreesandasquatbooty - 08/06/2016 07:35 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, the guy I've been seeing told me he has met a really awesome girl he is "super into". When I asked him what she has going for her, he told me, "Nothing much. She isn't as attractive as you, isn't as educated as you, doesn't work a very good job or is as funny as you. She's simple and easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 47

By souljaboi - 08/06/2016 07:34 - Canada - Delta

Today, on my way downtown, I received a phone call while driving. It was from my mom. She had gotten into a car accident. I wasnt home and could not come to help. Later I receive a call from her friend that my mom was in handcuffs by the police because they found her with a bag of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 28

By Dan not the Man - 08/06/2016 07:14 - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out that I'm unable to get my dream job because I'm not a U.S. Citizen. I studied four years for it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 44

By Theblasus - 08/06/2016 06:43 - United States - Rockford

Today, I was driving as it began to pour rain. At least now I know I need to fix my power windows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 24

By Tessa - 08/06/2016 06:05 - Mongolia - Ulaanbaatar

Today, my husband said he got me a gift from overseas. I was expecting an apple watch but instead it was an state-of-the-art electronic dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 59

By Undead - 08/06/2016 04:35 - United States - Edison

Today, I was talking about how excited I was about going to warped tour with my friends when my mom overheard my conversation. She looked up one of the bands performing and canceled my tickets because she doesn't want me to listen to the "devil's music." FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 28

By Slendah - 08/06/2016 04:19 - United States - Newark

Today my husband finally got a repairman to correctly fix our roof which had been leaking for ten years. Afterwards, it poured down rain, our sump pump shorted out, and our basement became an indoor wading pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 18

By Fed Up Single Mom - 08/06/2016 04:19 - United States - Hartwell

Today, my mother yelled at me because I won't apply for a $5000 loan to get my brother out of jail for non-payment of child support. The irony is that I have been a single parent for 12 years and have never received a penny of child support from my son's father...and I'm being selfish! FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 12

By adventurous - 08/06/2016 04:13 - United States - Port Chester

Today, after my boyfriend decided to break things off because our relationship was "too hard for him to handle", he then went to one of my best friends, confessed his feelings for her and asked her to hookup to "channel his left over emotions for me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 18

By Brenduh - 08/06/2016 04:09 - United States - Angleton

Today I spent two and a half hours walking my neighborhood, crying and asking people if they had seen my dachshund Ginger. One lady even got in her car to go look for her and asked a cop to look also. When I got home, my husband looked at me funny and said "Ginger's upstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 41

By Wat_da_fuq - 07/06/2016 22:55 - United States - Port Orchard

Today I made a cake for my future mother-in-law's birthday. Turns out, she's allergic to literally everything I put in it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 35

By CyberPsycho - 07/06/2016 20:32 - United States - Nashville

Today, I decided to take my son to see a movie. During the movie, a woman's baby started crying, distracting everyone from the movie. Since the baby wouldn't stop, I kindly asked her to take her baby out of the theater. She started yelling at me louder than her baby for being "inconsiderate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 22

By xxghostxx98789 - 07/06/2016 20:31 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, after a long day at work I came home to find that my grandma accidentally locked me out of my own room which would've been fine except my keys had recently fallen off my key chain. I ended up having to use a ladder to climb through my second story window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 15

By mh_2323 - 07/06/2016 17:11 - United States - Troutville

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year informed me he was bisexual. I was fine with this, until roughly 2 hours later he said he was actually gay and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 70

By swearingoffseafood - 07/06/2016 16:51 - United States - Hamburg

Today, I got accepted into the school of my dreams. I also got food poisoning from my celebratory dinner. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 95

By Crap - 07/06/2016 16:45 - United States - Atlanta

Today, after weeks of using Tinder, I matched with the girl of my dreams. Not even 24 hours later, my mother found out I use Tinder and made me delete my account. I can't find her and probably never will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 49

By pukemuch - 07/06/2016 16:40 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was giving my husband a blowjob and he really got into it so much so that I ended up puking all over my face, clothes, the wall, and our bed. He got out of the way just in time but I think our sex life is over for good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 44

By OMFML - 07/06/2016 16:19 - United States - Seattle

Today, I just helped my best friend, who I'm secretly gay for, get back together with his old girlfriend, I'm currently at home crying and watching Netflix, FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 56

By fairskinned - 07/06/2016 16:16

Today, while spending a few months in Nigeria for work, I learned that the locals do not know what freckles are when one of them pointed at my face and asked if I had many mosquito bites. She then proceeded to touch my face to check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 43

By drkate25 - 07/06/2016 15:53 - United States - Enfield

Today, I caught my 2 year old cat on the kitchen counter (where she's not allowed) staring intently at the candle I had lit. When I yelled at her to get down, she looked at me like she was going to set the house on fire and kill us all. I'm afraid to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 46

By Dumbfounded - 07/06/2016 15:43 - United States

Today, I offered to buy a co-worker who had been hitting on me for a while a drink from Starbucks telling him i had a coupon 2 for 1 since we were both on our way to break we should grab a drink together. He didn't understand and said "ya I'll take 2 carmel fraps" the boy is socially oblivious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 27

By Aquaskyy - 07/06/2016 15:21 - United States - Plattsburgh

Today, I had to go to the store. I grabbed the first pair of shorts from the dryer I could find, threw them on and took off. As I shopped, people were pointing and laughing. Turns out I had panties stuck to my rear. They were my mother in laws. Fml!

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 36

By em2016 - 07/06/2016 14:48 - Ireland - Galway

Today, my son had karate practise he told me he was sparring for the first time so i went down to support him.. he got his ass kicked by a 12 year old girl.. my sons is nearly 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 26

By can't sleep - 07/06/2016 14:25 - United States - Chicago

Today, it has come to a point where if I don't lock my door at night, my mom will stand in my doorway and watch me sleep at 7:30 in the morning. Almost every day it wakes me up. And she doesn't even go to work till 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 10

By gingerlover01 - 07/06/2016 14:23 - United States

Today, I had to face the very real fear of stepping in to a tub full of spiders while naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 18

By ticktockticktock - 07/06/2016 14:18 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I realized how much I needed to socialize more with real human beings when I started to blubber, cry and apologize to the strands of hair I accidentally cut off my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 19

By argnog - 07/06/2016 14:04 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I decided to tell my family I was gay. Their response? Throwing every single one of my belongings out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 19

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The Top

Today, my 5-year-old figured out that if he has a mouthful of milk and he blows really hard, he can blow the milk out of his nose like twin fire hoses. I’ve washed the carpet twice in the past day, and my house still stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 844

You deserved it 242

Today, I was at a coffee shop, trying to get to know the cute new barista. I wanted to compliment his nice eyes, but I got nervous and blurted out, "You have nice elbows!" He stared at me, confused, as I quickly grabbed my coffee and left. Now I can't even imagine going back there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 447

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends commented on how small my boobs are. My boyfriend defended me, saying it was only because I was wearing a sports bra. I wasn't. It was the push-up bra he bought me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 954

You deserved it 5 003

Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 531

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me to come to her college, so I did. I was greeted by the campus police who told me to stop harassing her because she no longer wants to be with me. Then they told me I was no longer welcome on campus and hereby banned. She used campus police to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 433

You deserved it 3 348

Today, I found the Instagram account belonging to the guy I've been seeing. That's how I found out he's one of those nitwit asshole Proud Boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 418