Nearly FMLs

By Mitsukio - 14/06/2016 08:55 - United States - El Paso

Today I came back from work to cook for my family, I made some chicken pasta alfredo with garlic bread on the side and a salad, and after doing all of that, it turns out that my wife had already ordered pizza 4 her and the kids before I came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 37

By annon - 14/06/2016 04:39 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, at the trampoline park I work at a kid thought it would be a good idea to take a shit on one of the trampolines. Guess who got to clean it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 32

By Careful Commentator - 14/06/2016 03:34 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I was scrolling through Facebook and stopped to comment, "Lol I love it!" On a friend's video of her new puppy. It wasn't until I started getting hundreds of angry responses that I realized that I had accidentally commented on the article below it, a post about the Orlando Massacre. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 80

By notthefirsttime - 14/06/2016 03:32 - United States - Katy

Today, I went to my mother's house to get some shoes. By the time I left, my boyfriend had a handprint on his face from my mother. Why? Because he keeps bringing me by to pack up my stuff. We're moving cross country together in 20 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 24

By NotAHappyWife - 14/06/2016 02:55 - United States - Madison

Today, I had to strip the entire bed and scrub the mattress because my husband farts so much in his sleep that the smell has embedded itself in everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 29

By Anonymous - 14/06/2016 02:42 - United States - Eatontown

Today, I realized how long it's been since I've last been laid because I walked into a public restroom in a department store and got turned on by how good it smelled in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 32

By nip it in the bud - 14/06/2016 00:50 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I started doing Cross country at my school to get fit. I realized that I was fat enough that my man-boobs jiggled up and down against my shirt, rubbing my nipples raw. It hurts so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 24

By anonymous - 14/06/2016 00:26 - United States - Atlanta

Today, one of my best friends decided to have a pool party. I didn't get invited but somehow a girl that she despises made it onto the guest list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 19

By bum-deal - 13/06/2016 22:24 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I had to insert and apply pile cream to my boyfriend's bumhole. He had a boner afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 31

By gone girl - 13/06/2016 22:12

Today, the one girl I like and the only girl who will ever like me, moved a few hours away from where she used to live. She said we could still date long distance, then I found out she didn't move because of a job. She moved in with her other boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 21

By Dead Inside - 13/06/2016 22:10 - United States - Manchester

Today, my friends were lying on a hill, stargazing. I was next to my crush. I really wanted our conversation to lead to a kiss, but he kept turning away to talk to the person on his right. When he finally turned back, I kissed him by surprise. Turns out the person on his right is his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 58

By Wet mum - 13/06/2016 22:03 - United Kingdom - Beckenham

Today, my daughter announced 'I need a wee' before peeing right where she sat. This wouldn't have been so bad if she weren't sitting on my lap only a quarter of the way into an 2 hour train journey, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 14

By Broken heart - 13/06/2016 21:20 - United States - Cut Off

Today my boyfriend, the love of my life broke up with me after watching our best friends get engaged. It is our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 12

By Nyusziful - 13/06/2016 21:06 - Hungary - Nagykanizsa

Today, my fiancé and I are giving away invitations to our wedding. I proudly presented our invitation to my fiancé's grandmother who always ask about the precise date and said we will actually not get married before she dies. She said she don't want to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 21

By creepyclowntown - 13/06/2016 19:12 - United States - Elk City

Today, I found out when my husband says he is out shopping for my birthday present he was actually hanging out after hours with a stripper. I hope she sells jewelry as a side business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 11

By unclestepdad - 13/06/2016 18:48 - United States - Bridgeton

Today, the girl of my dreams confessed she loved me, and I confessed my love to her. The only problem, she's the mother of my 6 year old nephew. My moral compass is so confused... FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 22

By anonymous - 13/06/2016 18:40 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I was at a music festival on the very front row, and a group of girls just started peeing behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 31

By nadicat - 13/06/2016 15:21 - United States - Nashville

Today, my friend texted my roommate inviting us both kayaking next weekend. My roommate texted back that I could go, but she couldn't. Our friend retracted the invite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 70

By Nice - 13/06/2016 14:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to try to be more romantic with my boyfriend, so whilst he was sleeping I planned to climb into bed and wake him up with a blowjob. As I got onto the bed he rolled over and let out a huge fart.

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 113

By davisjenny81 - 13/06/2016 14:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, for my dad's birthday, I painted him a picture of the two of us from when I was a baby. The first thing he said was, "Why am I wearing a dress? This sucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 51

By Anonymous - 13/06/2016 13:58 - Czech Republic

Today, I was with my band first time on stage in gym in our school (we had talent show). Many people in school think I'm an idiot so I wanted show them that I'm big boss. When I came to the stage I stumbled over cable and fell on ground. 500 people - schoolmates and teachers were laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 91

By ifeelsad - 13/06/2016 13:52 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my manager published on our message board some "issues that need to be addressed" and listed some petty-not-actually-company-policy things. Everything she wrote was stuff she knows I do all the time that the owner doesn't have a problem with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 34

By Anonymous - 13/06/2016 12:46 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was eating a hamburger naked on my couch and my grandparents came home. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 115

By PoopsIDidItAgain - 13/06/2016 07:54 - United States - Herriman

Today, I had severe gastrointestinal distress before a job interview. I regretted deciding not to cancel when I got that churning stomach feeling in the middle of the interview, and quickly ran out of the room. You could say it was a shitty interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 59

By okthen... - 13/06/2016 05:19 - United States - San Jose

Today, I learned that my family doesn't invite me to family gatherings. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 46

By doodlerad - 13/06/2016 05:10 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was sitting in a middle seat on a 5 hour flight home. The people on either side of me fell asleep. I had to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 46

By Anonymous - 13/06/2016 04:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that my roomate has been going to the casino everytime i give him my share of the rent. we have been given an eviction notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 34

By Anonymous - 13/06/2016 03:57 - Canada - Victoria

Today, While riding in the car with my family, something flew in my open window and got caught in my hair. I thought it was a leaf so I pulled it out. It wasn't a leaf. It was a wasp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 27

By Anon - 13/06/2016 03:17 - United States - San Diego

Today, my mom and I were looking for our lost cat on a hill near our house. Someone called the police on us for "suspicious activity". FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 22

By nosleep - 13/06/2016 03:00 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, my roster changed. My manager gave herself 30 days straight off and put me on for 30 days straight.

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 25

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was one of five people called up to the front in class to receive a special notice from the school administration. The first four people received awards for outstanding effort in school. Mine was a notice that I had overdue library fines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 491

You deserved it 28 386

Today, my girlfriend asked me how big the Sun would be compared to the Earth. I didn't have anything on me to help demonstrate, so to imitate the Earth, I made a small hole with my index finger and thumb and said "Okay, imagine a ball this small." She then looked at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 941

You deserved it 12 711

Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 267

You deserved it 54 117

Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 157

You deserved it 4 347

Today, my maid washed my PS3. Yes, with soap and water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 868

You deserved it 19 504

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 161

You deserved it 3 914