Nearly FMLs

By WTFMAN - 15/06/2016 02:57 - United States - Alden

Today, I was told to expect the unexpected by my boyfriend, I figured it was something happy but to my surprise I found out he slept with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 28

By awful timing - 15/06/2016 02:46 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I spent $100 to send my girlfriend flowers. Two hours before they arrived she broke up with me, guess who couldn't cancel the delivery in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 31

By Anonymous - 15/06/2016 02:34 - United States - Mankato

Today, I had to go to the hospital because one of my nuts is the size of a grape fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 33

By SixthSinEnvy - 15/06/2016 01:00 - United States

Today, I realized I've been reading too many fantasy books lately when I tried to use my 'powers' to shut the front door from up the stairs with a wave of my hand. I had to remind myself I'm not a wizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 95

By OliverVetch - 14/06/2016 23:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I learned that just because my mouth and stomach can handle a jalepeno/habanero/serrano salad, does NOT mean my colon can. I think my asshole grew a new asshole and set it on fire to get it out of my system. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 30

By notsogracious - 14/06/2016 22:31 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was made redundant becuase of a long term illness. I had made thousands of pounds for the company and helped them when they were struggling for money... they thanked me with a £50 cheque. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 16

By NitaRockz - 14/06/2016 20:03 - United States - Sacramento

Today, while at the vet to get a foxtail out of my dogs eye, I was trying to communicate how anal I am about her wearing the cone. Instead, what came out of my Perimenopausal mouth was "I'm really good at anal" FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 39

By zeelux - 14/06/2016 19:56 - Canada

Today, while at work, a guy pulled up with a cart loaded with meat. Trying to be engaging, I cracked a joke about him being a meatlover. He then proceeded to tell me it was all for his dog, and that she had cancer so it was all she ate. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 31

By PineappleTango12 - 14/06/2016 19:00 - United States - Silver Spring

Today marks a year since my son moved into his own apartment. So he wouldn't be lonely, I bought him a parrot. When I came to visit him, the only noises the bird made was very loud moaning and a slew of curse words I didn't even know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 27

By CODkiller - 14/06/2016 18:41 - United States - Boyden

Today, I had just got done playing call of duty and decided to make some Mac and cheese. I grabbed the biggest knife we had out of our cupboard. I tried to hold the knife call of duty-style and "slit" the box's throat. I ended up missing the box and slicing my thumb wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 188

By Vitreal - 14/06/2016 18:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent an hour being sworn at by an Indian man because I couldn't get him "the best deal". I'm a telemarketer and no other jobs are hiring. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 28

By The Micromanaged - 14/06/2016 17:48 - United States - Seattle

Today, my technology-challenged boss reminded me, his receptionist of 3 years, how to schedule someone. Then his wife reminded me how to send an email. Just because they're incompetent, doesn't mean I am too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 63

By Tyrion_Tripod - 14/06/2016 17:24 - United States - Lisle

Today, for the first time ever an extremely cute girl, who I thought I hit it off with asked me for my number after a long 12 hour shift of work. For some reason I thought she meant the store phone..I then forgot to give her my number, and once she left I realized she actually asked for mine, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 63

By Sagedrop - 14/06/2016 17:23 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I had to do a drug test to become full time at my job. I read saying don't flush the toilet or the test would be void. Tell me why my habit of flushing kick in after finishing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 39

By kalau13 - 14/06/2016 17:20 - Canada - Milk River

Today, I found out my grandpa passed away, I told my friends I wouldn't have a party and instead of condolences my one friend asked 'does that mean I get to keep your present?'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 25

By sastgamer - 14/06/2016 16:53 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I decided to entertain the big kids at daycare by digging a hole for them. Then I got stuck in the hole, instead of helping me out, the kids started to bury me. Now I need to be in sandy clothes the 5 hours of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 50

By anonomous - 14/06/2016 16:53 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend both had an interview at the same place. I worked there previously for a year and a half and was the fastest cashier they had. He has only ever worked with food. At the end, he got the job and I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 11

By birthday boy - 14/06/2016 16:39

Today, I threw a birthday party. No one came, not even my parents who I live with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 41

By Anonymous - 14/06/2016 16:38 - United States - Spring Lake

Today, I found out my husband of 7 years has been cheating on me. We just closed on our first house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 23

By goddessofbooty - 14/06/2016 16:38 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I got out of bed early in the morning to use the bathroom. I didn't turn the light on, and I accidentally mistook my makeup removing wipes for baby wipes. It burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 36

By youdontcontrolme - 14/06/2016 16:29 - United States - Laramie

Today, my parents were talking about my brothers and I meeting our biological parents, seeing as we're all adopted. After a bit of arguing over what to do, they decided my parents wouldn't want to meet me anyway. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 21

By LetUsMourn - 14/06/2016 15:43 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my father-in-law insists that the tragedy in Orlando was a conspiracy started by President Obama and the Muslim faith as a whole, and no amount of pleading from me will get him to shut up and be a decent human being while I mourn with my hometown. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 26

By That guy - 14/06/2016 15:41 - United States

Today, I farted at work and shit myself. I'm not even halfway through the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 19

By KKD - 14/06/2016 15:24 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I got dumped because I put ketchup on my Kraft Dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 23

By Laurence - 14/06/2016 15:16 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, I was skinny dipping with my boyfriend. Everything was fine until my boyfriend screamed "insect guy!" I didn't get it until I turned around and saw the "insect guy" who takes care of our property. He saw both of us completely naked. The gate didn't even call to let us know he was coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 20

By April - 14/06/2016 15:03 - United States - Modesto

Today,at my friends party, I was sitting with the cutest boy EVER! He was flirting with me and I was flirting with him for hours. Then he got a text and said,"Sorry my girlfriends waiting for me outside." FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 19

By FML - 14/06/2016 14:33 - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, after an extra long day of work. I came home to a sweet and loving text from my girlfriend. She told me that i was the most wonderful person she had ever met. In the end of that same text she dumped me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 16

By Nhitori - 14/06/2016 13:32 - United States - North Andover

Today, I took the commuter rail. Usually it stops long enough at each town that I could walk slowly and the train still wouldn't depart till I was halfway down the road next to the tracks. Today, I walked quickly, and the train pulled away at my stop as I arrived at the door to get off. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 78

By Displeased - 14/06/2016 13:23 - Netherlands - Arnhem

Today, I discovered a guy I've been hanging with prefers sexting with me over having actual sex because he doesn't think I'm "all that" in bed and likes the fantasy of me better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 49

By HaventSlept - 14/06/2016 11:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, someone broke my car's window to steal the spare coins I always leave there as change. He probably took about $5 total, it is going to take about $250 to fix the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 37

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl who often comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out by writing my number on a dollar bill. She paid and the amount her change happened to be a dollar. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 344

You deserved it 18 176

Today, while walking around town, some guy grabbed me from behind, clutched at my nipples, and said, "That's where I always imagined they were." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 198

You deserved it 4 307

Today, my boyfriend was giving me a back massage while I was laying on my stomach. A few minutes into it, he stopped. I turned around to see why; he was taking a picture of my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 191

You deserved it 7 666

Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 959

You deserved it 4 708

I really don't understand why...

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 136

Today, I left my book on the plane after I'd finished reading it. The flight attendant thought I'd forgotten it, so he chased me through the airport, past security, past customs, and past baggage claims. I didn't have the heart to tell him I left it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 076

You deserved it 46 060