Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 17/06/2016 00:53 - United States - Burlington Flats

Today, my school had assembly and a hypnotist came in, during his performance I sharted in my pants. He then told the people that were being hypnotized that they would smell a horrible scent. Their faces cringed because of the smell of my shit, they thought it was part of the act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 34

By bigbagofnope - 16/06/2016 23:09 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend promised to come home early from work so we could hang out properly and have some much anticipated sex. After panicky hours of his phone being switched off and him completely unreachable, he stumbled in drunk, yelled at me for being upset and then passed out. ah romance FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 32

By HugePurpleBalls - 16/06/2016 19:59 - United States - Odessa

Today, I finally took one of my buddies to shoot a gun. He tried to shoot a shotgun while holding on with one hand. The shotgun flew out of his hands and directly into one of my testis...it has swelled to the size of a baseball and I'm in the most mind numbing pain ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 27

By Rbillz5 - 16/06/2016 17:31 - United States - Scottsburg

Today, I bought my first new car. I also ran over my first animal. Just my luck that it was a skunk. Now my entire new car reeks.

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 31

By FmL_Top - 16/06/2016 17:26 - United States - Bristol

Today,While at the park,my 3 year-old ran up to a lady grabbed her chest and loudly asked, "are they private on you too"

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 23

By sheknowsimstalking. - 16/06/2016 17:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I accidently followed my boyfriend's ex on Facebook. She told him, and now he know's I've been stalking her for months. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 82

By Broker Than Broke - 16/06/2016 14:30 - United States - Wesley Chapel

Today, I found out that my father had taken 9,000 dollars out of my college fund. Why? He needed to pay my sister 500 dollars a week for groceries. He just "forgot" to tell me. I've been financially cut off for a year and I use that fund to pay for school and my own groceries.

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 20

By Vkfan - 16/06/2016 14:08 - Italy

Today, I met my match. She's pretty, smart, has my same twisted sense of humour and my same terrible tastes in music and games. We have the same hobbies, and even go to the same high school! I'm a teacher. She isn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 121

By Bree06 - 16/06/2016 13:43 - Australia

Today, while working a coworker pointed out that I had bruises on my neck and thought I had been attacked. I had to awkwardly explain that the bruises came from the extremely rough sex I had the night before. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 88

By bloodshed207 - 16/06/2016 13:33 - United States

Today, I realized I needed to lose weight. Not because I want to improve my health or better myself, but I can't afford new pants.

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 55

By Anonymous - 16/06/2016 13:22 - United States - Broomfield

Today, my mother compared "radical" LGBT people (people who advocate for equal rights) to ISIS. She was completely serious, and knows that I am one of those people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 33

By asdf1994mnb - 16/06/2016 13:09 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I turned the TV on and the movie "Charlie & the Chocolate Factory" was on. Excitedly and without even thinking I called out to my girlfriend, "Hey look, Charlie Chocolate and the Willy factory is on". I will never live this down, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 61

By Stigmamma - 16/06/2016 12:58 - Australia - Norlane

Today, I was doing the laundry when I found a massive shit stain in my son's underwear. I put them in the washing machine. The shit stain survived the wash cycle. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 43

By Notahappybdaygirl - 16/06/2016 12:28 - United States

Today, was my 21st birthday party. Only way home, my boyfriend vomited on me, my birthday cake, and my friend. Then when I finished showering, I walked into my bedroom where I found him peeing in my fish tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 22

By arya - 16/06/2016 12:18 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I realized my dad used all my education money to rent a expensive apartment while not sending me money for my basic expenses here abroad. I have no money to go out. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 28

By Shebangit - 16/06/2016 11:39 - United States - Elkton

Today I was at work in my office. I am a 4'11 97lb woman and I have a knack for belching like a man. After lunch whilst sitting at my desk, I accidentally let one out. I thought I was alone, so I shrugged it off. That was until my supervisor walked in and asked,"What the hell was that?"

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 48

By ifuckuprandomly - 16/06/2016 11:09

Today, in a conversation with a girl I've liked since I met her, I sort of let slip that I stalk her on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 41

By shocking experience - 16/06/2016 11:08 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my kids were playing in the pool, and I went to plug the pump back in so they would stir up the water. My 8-year-old, knowing full well that water and electricity don't mix, splashed water on both me and the live plug in my hand. Right now, I'm posting this from the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 9

By Why is it always me - 16/06/2016 10:58 - United States - League City

Today, I found out that a leech has been living in my throat for a over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 10

By Babydoll2920 - 16/06/2016 10:21 - United States - Aurora

Today, my bestfriend and my boyfriend got into a fight, they both won't stop talking shit about each other an I keep defending one an then the other depending on who I'm talking to now their making me decide who I want the most my boyfriend from a year or my bestfriend I've know since 5th grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 19

By Dilexar - 16/06/2016 09:44 - United States

Today, I had to move to Alaska. I'm so heartbroken about leaving my girlfriend behind, I literally had a breakdown in McDonald's over a pickle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 8

By Brown Trouser - 16/06/2016 09:39 - United States

Today, I decided to be healthier with my snacks. I purchased sugar free gummies, unaware that the "I can't believe it's not sugar" bears cause nearly uncontrollable diarrhea. I wait on tables, and no one can cover my section, since I SHARED THE DAMN THINGS. We also have 2 stalls for 6 people. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 18

By xxghostxx98789 - 16/06/2016 08:57 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, like most other days. I haven't slept because of insomnia. I wouldn't be too bothered except that I work nights at a physically demanding job and haven't slept in 2 days. Sadly I'm starting to get used to this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 19

By hoponpip - 16/06/2016 08:53 - Australia - Perth

Today, my sister was talking about her hookup a few nights ago, and mentioned that the guy had expressed a desire to put his tongue in her ass, and she told him no way. Without missing a beat, my mum says, 'don't knock it til you try it.' Thanks for that, mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 15

By MDoremis - 16/06/2016 08:34 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my husband shook my nipple between his teeth like a dog with a chew toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 21

By LongWayHome - 16/06/2016 08:05 - Australia

Today, my car broke down on the way home after visiting a family member. It took an additional four hours to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 13

By arenee - 16/06/2016 07:24 - United States - West Jordan

Today I found out I have to get braces. I am 20 years old and already had braces for 5 years when I was younger. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 8

By campbelllp - 16/06/2016 07:16 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today,my 12 year old son just finished his science study on global warming. Yet he still believes it's a "myth used to make us walk more." FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 11

By losertransboy - 16/06/2016 07:06 - United States - Houston

Today, I couldn't stop my girlfriend from eating some brownies she found her cousin hiding. With how she described them, they have an extra "ingredient". She ate 3. So now we wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 21

By Therid - 16/06/2016 07:02 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I realised, that the only way to get my girlfriends attention and love, is to be depressed. Even then, it has a 50% chance of her just hitting me and calling me pathetic. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 20

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, during the opening night performance of our schools musical, while I wasn't on stage I decided to use the restroom. I came out to find two of my fellow actresses putting their hands over my mouth. Apparently, I had left my microphone on and everyone heard me using the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 817

You deserved it 12 783

Today, I found out I have aggressive brain cancer, then my girlfriend dumped me because, as she put it, if I’m going to be dead in a year anyway, she might as well move on now so as not to waste her time. I knew she was evil, it’s what I loved about her, but man, this is low even for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 525

Today, instead of my boyfriend calling me 'his Kit Kat' like he normally does, he called me his 'Kit Kat Chunky.' When I asked him why, he said it's because I'm now 20% chunkier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 327

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy, so I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know, the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off, all eyes turned to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 137

You deserved it 14 904

Today, a guy's car broke down in my street, so I helped him push it into my driveway, checked his car out, and gave it a jump start. He thanked me, then as he went to pull out, he instead smashed straight into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 474

You deserved it 3 987

Today, I was heading to the beach with my mom following. I went through a yellow light and got a call from her complaining that I had left her. So, I made it a point to stop at the next yellow light. She rear-ended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 783

You deserved it 5 384