Nearly FMLs

By jessieboo95 - 17/06/2016 23:35 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got a new puppy, every time I hold her she gets so excited she pees on me. I've had to change three times today. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 16

By sterling1113 - 17/06/2016 21:12 - United States

Today, my dad surprised me with plans for my birthday. I have three weeks to move out. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 45

By ChiefKoala - 17/06/2016 20:16 - United States - Rockwood

Today, my dog lovingly greeted me by vomiting on the floor in front of my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 50

By Idklifeyet45 - 17/06/2016 20:10 - United States - Syracuse

Today, I'm thinking about my ex girlfriend right. And out of nowhere she texted me telling me she misses me and I told her I missed her too, a couple minutes later she messaged me telling me she meant to send that to her new boyfriend. We dated two years and broke up yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 33

By embarrassed - 17/06/2016 19:21 - Canada - Milton

Today, my mom reached a new high after getting me diapers thinking I need them, I'm 16. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 32

By anonymous - 17/06/2016 19:17 - United States - Jasper

Today, I asked my fiancé to put a wet washcloth in the dryer (to dewrinkle the clothes) 20 minutes later went to the dryer to find all the clothes piled on top of it and a lone washcloth inside.

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 47

By Darkonian - 17/06/2016 19:08 - Slovakia - Bratislava

Today I met my friend, whom I have been in love with for some time, on the train. Everything was going great, when suddenly, he spotted a hot girl, had me follow her with him to see where she lives and after all that, he told me that I could be his wingman when he asks her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 21

By squick - 17/06/2016 18:28 - United States - Clemmons

Today, after a week of feeling like I had a summer cold, I woke up feeling great! So, as soon as my lunch break at work started, so did the diarrhea cramps. Goodbye, 6 hours of paycheck. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 23

By Sharted - 17/06/2016 18:10 - United States - Portland

Today, I was working at the mall. I was feeling gassy because I'm on my period, but I thought "it's ok because I'm the only one down here and the store opens right after I clock out." So I farted, only to find I had actually sharted, and the store opened 2 hours early for the Father's day sale. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 28

By BEEEEEP - 17/06/2016 17:53 - United States - Brazil

Today, I was on my phone while my food went through its six and a half minute cooking cycle in the microwave. The beep signaling that the food was done scared me so bad that I threw my phone across the room. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 59

By InversedGalaxy - 17/06/2016 17:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to the market to get some fresh produce. The stores guarantee was that it was 100% fresh, or your money back. I got food poisoning, and when I went to return it the cashier told me to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 20

By burnt out - 17/06/2016 17:45 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my car caught on fire while driving in the rain. when I finally got back home after calling a few friends asking for a ride, my basement was partially flooded. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 7

By what - 17/06/2016 17:43

Today, I found out that my 17-year-old sister has been having an intimate relationship for over a year. After forcing back my "big sister" instincts, I found out that this "older man" was my dad's 34-year-old business partner and best friend of 5 years. I've been calling him "uncle" for 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 12

By ayyylmao5318008 - 17/06/2016 17:39 - United States - Temecula

Today, while I was on the bus to work, I felt someone tapping my shoulder. I turned around and it was a homeless mans penis, right in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 12

By TheDarkCaster - 17/06/2016 17:22 - United Kingdom - Redhill

Today, my sister decided to prank me... By putting a REAL bee hive in my room. Guess who is now in the doctors because they got stung so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 17/06/2016 17:20 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me after "accidentally falling in love" with a girl in the same play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 11

By NotMe - 17/06/2016 17:19 - United States - San Diego

Today, while moving furniture, I realized my mother (who is an ongoing cancer patient) is stronger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 21

By kirbo2 - 17/06/2016 16:50 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was cat sitting a troublesome cat when she finally decided to warm up to me. She got on my lap and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 10

By cuntgf - 17/06/2016 16:45 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke into my locker ate all my food, tried to trip me when I walked away and called me a cunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 17/06/2016 16:05 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my friends and I were driving on the wrong side of the road pretending like we were in England. I am now in the market for a new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 17/06/2016 15:58 - United States - Long Beach

Today, and not for the first time, I am being ignored for no reason by my manipulative best friend. Today is also my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 12

By anonymous - 17/06/2016 15:55 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I was on the public bus on my way to school during a big storm. The bus broke down so I had to run over a mile in heavy rain to try and make it to class on time. As it turns out school was cancelled due to the stormy weather. Now I have to run over two miles back to my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 10

By Howcouldthishappentome - 17/06/2016 15:34 - Canada - Caledon

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she needed space. That space was with someone else not even 6 hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 8

By Seethers96 - 17/06/2016 15:21 - Egypt

Today, my teacher asked me if I wanted to be a woman because I have long hair. He was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 17

By Shay - 17/06/2016 15:02 - United States - Brooklyn

Today my boyfriend of seven years broke up with me through text..after I just told him I loved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 7

By KellyMarie89 - 17/06/2016 11:29 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, as I went in my little brother's room to check on him, I witnessed him, half asleep, scratch his bottom then put his whole hand in front of his nose and smell his fingers and smile. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 49

By mliajkfml - 17/06/2016 07:39 - United States - Aurora

Today, I was so sleep-deprived that I microwaved my cereal. With the spoon in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 48

By nominaski - 17/06/2016 05:34 - United States - Dupont

Today, after submitting my manuscript to countless publishing houses, I finally got an email saying it's been accepted! Ecstatically, I looked up the company's website, hoping to learn more about it. What also came up was a different site with a list of business scammers. The company was on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 15

By blubberandbarren - 17/06/2016 03:23 - United States - Inman

Today, I excitedly thought I was pregnant. I gained 7 pounds over the past few weeks, been nauseous, and been generally tired and achy. So I took a test. Nope, not pregnant. Just fat and sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 46

By an anonymous lady - 17/06/2016 02:55 - United States - Aurora

Today, I'm a stripper. A hazard of the profession is that people (guys and girls both) will try to lick you. A co-worker felt that the best solution was to apply Tabasco Sauce to her nipples..... Never realizing that it would be painful for her too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 35

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The Top

Today, I received an e-mail from the Unemployment Department saying they had a job referral for me. After excitedly reading the description, I realised it was the job I'd just been fired from (at a much higher pay). If I don't go through the application process, I will be denied my unemployment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 734

You deserved it 2 657

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car and we got caught. He’s being detained because I’m underage. My parents were called and are on their way. I had told them I was studying for final exams with a classmate. I feel like I’m next in line on death row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 1 420

Today, my husband and I put our 9 month old twins to bed and went outside to enjoy a very rare few minutes with each other, a couple of beers, with a baby monitor. He shut the sliding glass door, and I watched the bar that locks it accidentally slide into locked position. All the other doors were locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 799

You deserved it 8 364

Today, I learned that the new granite countertop in my parents' house cost $12,000. Coincidentally, this is also the amount of money I would have needed to go to the college of my dreams instead of the cheaper school I currently attend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 811

You deserved it 1 028

Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 678

You deserved it 3 407

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 326

You deserved it 7 902