Nearly FMLs

By Done - 03/07/2017 23:52

Today, after taking my husband to a luxury vacation in Hawaii the hardest pounding I have received was from a wave while surfing and the only lei was of the flower variety at a luau. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 7

By poor - 03/07/2017 23:24

Today, my two friends are backpacking across Europe without me. They didn't invite me because "all you do is pay bills." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 03/07/2017 23:13

Today, despite being in a secret relationship, it still got out to my family that I'm gay after my girlfriend posted pictures we agreed we'd keep between us to her throwaway Instagram account, but that then got picked up by a larger, more famous one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 21

By Lana - 03/07/2017 14:06 - United States - Valencia

Today, I had a really cute guy come over and he told me he had to leave to feed his sheep. Guess he wasn't interested.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 7

By "tolkien897" - 03/07/2017 13:51 - United States - La Vergne

I learned that when I get drunk, I rob myself and my husband of all our money and then hide it. I don't get paid for a week.

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 32

By Anonymous - 03/07/2017 20:22

My dog has a bad bladder and tends to go on the floor. Not an issue, I mop it and the job is done. The issue, though, is that today I didn't get to it fast enough, I'm dogsitting for a friend, her dog just rolled around in my dogs pee, and she comes to pick her up in 5 minutes. No time for a bath.

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 7

By Liquid cake - 03/07/2017 19:32

Today, my ice cream cake I got for my 2 year olds birthday melted in the freezer.FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

By "Talented73" - 03/07/2017 17:49

Today, on my way to work, I was limping a bit more than usual from the aggravation of an old knee injury. I walked past an Able-Ride bus (a service for the handicapped) and the driver was waiting for a passenger. He took one look at me, opened the door and said "Ah, there you are. Come on in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 8

By boopingsnoot - 03/07/2017 10:22 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, I'm at my psychiatrist's new location. A very confused receptionist told me they didn't know anything about my appointment, but that I wasn't the first to show up looking. Anxiety disorders are fun. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 2

By dumbfck - 03/07/2017 13:26 - Netherlands - Gemert

Today I realized the reason I have hiatal hernia may be that I was bending over too much in attempts to suck my own dick. I've been suffering from the repercussions immensely for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 98

By M.K. - 03/07/2017 11:18 - Poland - Swidnik

Today, my best friend who I'm in love with told me I was like a mother to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 5

By Val - 03/07/2017 10:15

Today I got a message from campus that they have "new information" about the man that harassed and stalked me months ago. I believed him to be trying to figure out where I lived. Their office is closed for the weekend and I can't call them back for an update until Monday morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 4

By "Lunga Libambo" - 03/07/2017 08:32 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I found out why my son won't stop singing 'ayo technology', and also why it annoys my wife. He walked in on her using her vibrator...and he's been singing this for more than 2 months now...FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 13

By Cheesed - 03/07/2017 08:11

Today, the last day at my job I was pranked and had an easy cheese penis sprayed on my car and my keys frozen in a cup. The 13hr day turned into a 14 hr one while into waited for my keys to thaw. I was so tired I didn't clean my car at home and my dogs scratched it to hell to get the cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 10

By I'm a retard - 03/07/2017 07:41

Today, while driving through Colorado for the first time ever, I thought my transmission was failing because my car was working so hard to accelerate. 2 hours at the mechanic and a $150 bill later, I now know that just what happens when your car is climbing a mountain. FML!

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 80

By ADHD - 03/07/2017 07:36

Today, after 20 years of being called dumb and feeling like a complete moron, I was told a have an IQ of 120 but a severe case of ADHD that makes it impossible for me to function normally. After one dose of meds I feel like a new person but this has literally ruined the first third of my life! FML!

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

By Scared Shitless - 03/07/2017 07:14

Today, I passed a pickup going 25 in a 55. He got pissed, almost ran me off the road, flipped me off, then flew around me and slowed back down to 25. When I reached my neighborhood he followed me. I wasted a whole tank of gas losing that maniac! FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 7

By "kumarina" - 02/07/2017 22:46 - Costa Rica - Gu?piles

I went to the bathroom and discover my razor full with short curly white and black hairs on it, is just me and my grandma in the house and she doesn't have any visible white hair besides her head, which are long and straight...

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 4

By Jenna_Raymond - 03/07/2017 06:37

Two days ago I found out that my husband had been cheating on me. I was told by one of my friends that works with my husband. When I confronted him he confessed that he was gay and had been in a relationship for the past four months. He had realized he was gay after he met my brother.

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 9

By burnedtoacrisp - 03/07/2017 05:57

Today I got back home after a week long vacation with family, only to discover that my air conditioning unit is out. I live in the south, so while it's 84 degrees outside, it's 90 in here. I've resorted to taking cold showers in an effort to lower my core body temperature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 7

By I just wanted one night - 03/07/2017 05:24

My husband is super drunk and we decided to have some sexy time. Well, he thought planting into my crotch was a good idea. Long story short, I have a cut that perfectly matches his tooth mark, and a bandaid across my crotch... fml.

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 8

By fmltilitsfunny - 03/07/2017 05:16

Today, I moved across the country for my dads work. I just found out that we're gonna be living in an small apartment and sleeping on air mattresses for the next six months. I don't know anyone where we're moving and I have to go to a new school. Worse, my baggage got sent to a different state.

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 5

By "core01" - 03/07/2017 04:14

Today, i spent my last $70 in a last ditch effort to prevent having my disabled cat put to sleep. It was an utter wate of money. Didn't work. The disabled cat bit me, I'm bleeding, and cat will still be put down. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 03/07/2017 04:10

Today, I found out my insurance is charging me extra because of the cancellation they reversed last month. The same one that never should've happened in the first place due to a fault on their part

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 03/07/2017 03:39

Today, I woke up in jail (my fault I know) but I'm now being charged with assaulting an officer because she tripped and fell over my sandal in my cell...FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 15

By Sad Boy - 02/07/2017 18:04 - United States

Today, I was supposed to go on a nice dinner date with my girlfriend and take her to the 626 night market afterwards. Guess who shows up randomly at my house in the morning to break up with me? Guess I'm going by myself tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 7

By anonymous - 03/07/2017 03:03

I found out that my crush is dating my best friend. The day after she told me she "wasn't ready for a relationship" just after i bought her flowers and asked her to prom in front of all of our friends...fml

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 6

By anonymous - 03/07/2017 03:00

today, i was at a concert and when the drummer was throwing his drums sticks out into the crowd i tried to catch one, it hit me in the head and bounced backwards, i didn't get it...fml

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

By Chris - 02/07/2017 17:49 - United States - Woodside

Today I was at an amusement park waiting to go on the bumper cars when a little boy in line near me runs over grabs my boob and yells mom it's so squishy! Fml

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

By TooGay - 02/07/2017 23:14

Today, my girlfriend and her family went to their family beach house and I was left behind because her grandmother said only family was allowed. We've been dating for over 5 years and I found out through Snapchat. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 16

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The Top

Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 940

You deserved it 1 931

Today, during a firework show, my dog gave me her opinion about them by practically eating half my bedroom door then defecating on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 701

You deserved it 7 868

Today, I was playing my bass clarinet around the house. I asked my dad if he would be at my concert on December 16th. His response was, "No, I'm working that day." My dad is a plumber, and gets called to work completely at random; he has no schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 355

You deserved it 3 740

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 366

You deserved it 6 833

Today, I noticed I parked behind a boy I like. Trying to impress him with my driving skills, I ended up forgetting to put the car in reverse and rear-ended him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 231

You deserved it 20 905

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Why? Her six year-old likes me more than her. I hate kids. I stayed with her in spite of her son, because I love her. For some reason she thought I was going to leave her and take her kid with me, so she broke up with me first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 297