Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 06/07/2017 19:45

Today..my bank account got to negative. I lost my car since I couldn't pay 3,000 to fix it now I have to take the bus to work which is a 3 hour ride. Also my hours were shortened because I have no car I'm living off quarters and dimes I find.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 06/07/2017 13:39 - United States - Statesville

Today, when I went to check the mail, I left the door unlocked so I could easily take the mail in. When I tried to open the door it was locked. I'm the only one home and had no way of locking the bolt lock from the outside, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 8

By Scor - 06/07/2017 13:01 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today... I got bitched out by a "friend". Why? My cousin died of stage 4 breast cancer a week ago, and as a result I haven't been talking to her. Now she wants to move away, and claims she has no one to talk to. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 2

By GuiltyRhythm - 06/07/2017 12:58 - United States - Midlothian

Today I went to get a big back tattoo! Was super excited, endorphins were just kicking in to dull the pain... Then someone hydroplanes right into the power line and knocks out power for the whole block. Including the lights and tattoo needle. I now have half a tattoo for a week. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 6

By Love Tap - 06/07/2017 18:06

Today, I was in the guy's locker room with my friends. I was facing the wall so they could change. Suddenly, I feel what has the same strange, unique profile of a flaccid penis against my butt. I turn, only to find an actual flaccid penis, pubes and all, on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 10

By Lancels - 06/07/2017 16:08

Today, my gf told me she was taking off tomorrow. I spent over $100 to send he a bouquet that day and now i can't change the shipping. The flowers were timed so that my gf would be happy before shark week (red river). Now she's probably going to be super annoyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 9

By foto - 06/07/2017 22:45 - Tonga

Today, there was a big party I went to. I danced with my crush and he was about to kiss me when I heard someone cough behind us. I turned around and saw both of my twenty year old brothers and my dad. My dad was wearing his sheriff badge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 12

By "PaintTW" - 06/07/2017 00:47 - United States - Dallas

I woke to see my dad standing in my doorway with his pants down. He stood there for 10 seconds, turned around, and walked into the bathroom right next to my room. I woke to pee in the bathtub, a notebook in the freezer, the tv remote in the silverware, and the front door open. Its 12:45 PM right now

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 2

By Abe - 06/07/2017 07:44

Today, my crushes snapchat story revealed that she is already dating someone. I thought we had both been wanting each other for five years. Turned out I'd been friend zoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 23

By TheCleaner - 06/07/2017 05:44

Today, my work bought me new waterproof aprons. The aprons are made of black vinyl. Now when I work I look like a discount Batman villain FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 6

By puglover - 06/07/2017 05:28

Today, my dad's sister died unexpectedly. After going through the shock of everything and coming home to my mom, she then proceeded to get mad at me because I "wasn't grieving properly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 1

By Letsgetdisappointed - 06/07/2017 04:55

Today, I went to a family outing to celebrate my new job. I had to use the restroom, and returned to the table to see that my entire $45 ribeye steak had been eaten by my 10 year old brother. My parents didn't stop him. They had thought it was his food. Yes mom, I ordered the mac and cheese. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 6

By Busting Matilda - 06/07/2017 04:27

Today, whilst travelling interstate I had to stop for a bathroom break. I also had the hiccoughs. As I waiting for the bathroom, a stranger came up behind me and grabbed me unexpectedly, in an effort to scare away my hiccoughs. It didn't work but needless to say I no longer needed the bathroom! FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 4

By "tori210" - 06/07/2017 04:07

Today, marks the fourth day that my boyfriend went to get me some soup and never return... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 4

By stressedginger - 06/07/2017 03:33

Today, because of a simple hardware malfunction, I lost about 50 video games that took months to download. I can't tell if I can retrieve them or not unless I finish a special scan that has to scan 4.6 trillion sectors (would take days). FML.

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 10

By *amara67 - 06/07/2017 01:47

Today I was at work. I went to go to the bathroom the door was locked. So I went to the other side of the building to go to the bathroom. It was locked to. So I went to my bosses office to ask him to open it. He lost the keys. I peed my pants on the way across the street to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 06/07/2017 00:10

Today, I had to take a dump in the mall. When I got to the bathroom, the one stall was open, so I walked right in. There was a guy sitting there, with his pants still on. He didn't acknowledge me at all. I now know what it is like to feel embarrassed and paranoid at the same time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 2

By HateHim - 05/07/2017 23:58

Today I was told I will be moving out of my office, that I share with 8 people, one of them an extremly annoying person who constantly taps his feet, whistles, hums, licks boogers off his fingers and sometimes falls asleep on his desk snoring. Today I also learned he will be moving with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 05/07/2017 23:56

Today, after receiving a compliment, I intended to either reply "No, I'm just ordinary" or "You are so sweet". Eventually, I mixed them up to answer "No, YOU are just ordinary". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 18

By LostInTheHighlands - 05/07/2017 23:50

Today, after fighting for a place on a heavy subscribed volunteer program for a conservation charity, I drove 4 hours to the where my placement was. Ten minutes after walking out of my front door I got an email telling me it was cancelled. I'm stranded in a tiny seaside town for 2 days. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 05/07/2017 23:38

Today, a coworker was telling me his wife has gone off Italian food, because she's having a baby. Before I could process the second part I'd already stated "well that sucks". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 10

By Scarlet - 05/07/2017 23:26

Today, after seeing that I have very few clients all week, my boss gave my fourth appointment to my whiny co worker who already had five. I'll be lucky to make rent at this rate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 3

By Aubrey - 05/07/2017 23:17

Today, I managed to rip off almost half my finger nail... while opening an especially difficult package of nail scissors, FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 12

By iM DYING - 05/07/2017 10:31 - United States - Somerset

Today, I shat myself on an airplane. I have no other clothes. 6 hours left in air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 29

By Anonymous - 05/07/2017 14:07 - United Kingdom - Kilmarnock

Today our manager was briefing us about things happening in the store. With 3 people off on maternity leave she jokingly said "No one else get pregnant please". My co-worker looked at me and said "Well you need to keep your legs shut at the weekend" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 05/07/2017 14:41

Today, I had to climb through the ceiling at work so we could get in the office to do paperwork to be able to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 7

By CallMeKD - 05/07/2017 13:09

Today I wore a white blouse to school. I sat on a stool in the lab and got up after class is over to find blood on the back side of my blouse. It was not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 3

By Unknown - 05/07/2017 11:48

Today me and my boyfriend were babysitting his little sister she's 10 and it was late so she was asleep we started getting intimate she woke up to his loud moaning and ran in and started hitting me and pulling me off because she thought I was hurting him FML.

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 47

By Poophands - 05/07/2017 10:27

Today while using the bathroom, I was taking a really powerful shit. Well, I had thought I was finished and began wiping and as soon as I laid my hand under my ass the door burst open startling me, causing me to shit all over my hand while falling off the toilet. Family got a good laugh. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 10

By Pinocchio or not - 05/07/2017 10:15

Today I was told I have serious mental issues with my nerves and that I have anxiety and depression from a doctor... my parents think I'm lying and want physical proof and x rays. FMFL

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 8

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The Top

Today, I finally have a job I love with amazing people I call family and a fantastic boss. I've been here 8 months, and I'm doing a great job, I feel like I could work here forever! My most recent project? Printing our "Store closing sale" signs for liquidation. We permanently close in 7 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 899

You deserved it 1 089

Today, my father's company shut down his branch, leaving him without a job. This is followed by a letter from my school's financial aid office, saying I'm not getting a penny because my family's income level is too high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 529

You deserved it 3 130

Today, my sister was quite obviously looking down on me for not knowing the trendy sustainable hair soap in little net baggies that “everyone” uses now. Years ago, when I was already using regular hair soap instead of shampoo, she looked down on me for being a "greenie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 101

Today, as well as for the past two weeks, my brother has been making up songs about farts and singing them non-stop. He's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 782

You deserved it 1 109

Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind me she called, "Can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her unload bags. She began hitting me, screaming, "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 740

You deserved it 6 572

Today, my boyfriend told me, with complete confidence, that he's selected "drug dealer" as his career of choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 139

You deserved it 1 128