Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 02/07/2017 21:56

Today, my fiance and I decided to say fuck everyone and elope. I love the idea. But my stepmother is still telling me I need a $10,000 wedding. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 8

By Cappy situation - 02/07/2017 14:16 - United States

For some reason my roomate left the toliet stopped up. And doesnt own a plunger. I emergency had to shit. So I ended up shitting in a reusable bowl, that I threw away, all while trying to avoid eye contact with the dog.

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 8

By "ThatOneStonerBitch42000" - 02/07/2017 18:48

Today I was hugging my boyfriend while smiling and my braces got caught on his shirt and ripped one of them off now I have a missing bracket on my front tooth fml

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 5

By JustPerfect1997 - 02/07/2017 11:40 - United Kingdom - Burnley

Today, I had a sprained wrist. Carried on as normal, painkillers and ice pack occasionally. I had a sharp pain from picking up a book, wrist is now bruised and swollen. Boss says carry on with the rest of the day (3+ hours). Sever tendon damage to my wrist was hospital's diagnosis 5 hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 9

By LadyDame - 02/07/2017 11:36

Today I was finally going to make a move on my crush. This was decided before his younger brother approached me, and he revealed the very serious feelings he had for me. Well, plans change. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 11

By I really need to take an art class - 02/07/2017 04:28 - New Zealand

Today, I drew a portrait that I'm extremely proud of- a stranger wearing glasses that I saw asleep on a park bench. At least, I was proud of it. Until my friend mistook it for an alien wearing thick goggles. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 9

By KattyTime - 02/07/2017 10:05

Today, I woke up to a cat clawing both sides of my face. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 7

By Simser - 01/07/2017 21:59 - United States - Phoenix

Today I spent 12 hours cleaning my boyfriends house so his ex girlfriend can stay there for 4 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 67

By "What do I do?" - 01/07/2017 21:57 - United States - Pomona

I started flirting with a girl I have really liked for a long time. So did another guy I know. I am now the middle man in the conversation of the two getting together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 10

By No spoilers, please, I'm not British - 02/07/2017 03:35

Today, I was all set to watch the Doctor Who season 10 finale. Turns out, it aired half an hour earlier than I expected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 24

By CreeptacularBait - 02/07/2017 03:31

Today, the puppy I have been raising for 2 months went to his new home. I was only supposed to watch him for a week and got attached to him. He destroyed walls, stairs, and floors in my rental. The original owners aren't reimbursing me for anything. Now I have two reasons I can't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 20

One key to rule them all

By Killme - 01/07/2017 13:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was informed by my boss that I have been upgraded to "key holder" because I'm so responsible. I was also informed I will need it to lock up myself, as I will be in the office alone all next week while the other 10 employees and my boss go on vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 370

You deserved it 328

All you need is hate

By MyEyesAreOpen - 01/07/2017 04:00

Today, I got a positive take-home message from my failed relationship. He gave me great advice about changing my cell phone carrier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 531

You deserved it 311

Can you smell that?

By ToNumbToSmell - 30/06/2017 19:43

Today, I went to the dentist to get impressions for my permanent crowns. My nose is now numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 926

You deserved it 549

Chronomay tells us more.

Chronomay 20

Wednesday 28 June 2017 3:02

To be fair my dentist was making sure not to hurt me but still it was a weird sensation.

That's what they all say before ending up in AA

By Anonymous - 30/06/2017 19:38

Today, I was getting ready for bed, brushing my teeth. When I spat out my toothpaste, I also vomited a bit of the tacos I'd had for dinner, so I brushed my teeth again. I'm completely sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 573

You deserved it 692

boopingsnoot tells us more.

boopingsnoot 24

Wednesday 28 June 2017 3:03

Hey, I made an account to give some details. I have a mild form of EDS, so I get acid reflux and sleep apnea. But this occasion was weird: ate tacos at 6pm, snack and my meds 10pm, and was brushing my teeth at 11pm. With no trace of the cereal I'd just eaten. With no heartburn before or after. But yeah, my dad did season the bajeezus outta those tacos.

By Mr.fartyhead - 29/06/2017 18:24

Today my company is filming a new commercial in the showroom floor, it was dead silent when they were filming with my owner speaking, and I ripped a rather loud touchy trumpet. It was the 20th take and a perfect one at that.

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 46

By callingouttoanyrealtorsandpyrosinthearea - 25/06/2017 04:00

Today, at 8:30 in the morning, workers in the lot across the street began doing some very loud hydraulic installations and testing for the new lab that's being built on the property. It's now 11:20 at night, and they're still working on it. I'm seriously considering just burning my house down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 273

You deserved it 352

By Enolay - 24/06/2017 01:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I received my order from Ocado. I'd placed an order including 12 bottles of water. Before I got my order, Ocado sent me an email saying that they replaced some of my items, which is why I’m looking at 48 250ml bottles of water now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 054

You deserved it 545

By Aturo75 - 22/06/2017 23:48

Today I gave my out of work husband $250 because he was LITERALLY crying that he didn't have enough money to pay his car insurance. Then he went to the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 76

By Bambi122913 - 22/06/2017 04:00

Today, my brother and I got our first tattoos. He got his dedicated to our grandfather who passed away a few years ago, while I got mine dedicated to my mom. My grandmother doesn't like tattoos, but loves his and considers it "meaningful and sentimental," while mine is a "tramp stamp." It's on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 984

You deserved it 462

Erm, can you not?

By xxrissixx - 18/06/2017 20:00

Today, I have been saving up for an overseas trip next year. My dad has offered to completely pay for my sister to go as well, despite if I want to bring her or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 669

You deserved it 328

By Getmeanewjob - 17/06/2017 18:00

Today, a client delivered the wrong material for me to use while working, I called him and he apologized for the inconvenience. I told my boss I'd hold off on that project until I got the right material. He immediately assumed I'd done something wrong and yelled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 736

You deserved it 266

By TheKidIsAParadox - 17/06/2017 14:06 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my 11 year old sleeps with a sleeping mask on, but needs her bedroom door open because "I don't like it too dark" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 29

By Journeyman1 - 17/06/2017 00:00

Today, I had a doctor's appointment and expected him to say something about my weight, because I clearly lit up underweight on the office scale. I wasn't expecting him to keep me waiting for 75 minutes and then not utter a peep about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 367

You deserved it 764

Who's the mature one around here?

By anonymous - 16/06/2017 18:00

Today, it's my dad's birthday, and because my brother wanted more pancakes than he was allowed, he screamed at the top of his lungs, "You ruined my birthday!" He's 47 and my brother is 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 179

You deserved it 316

By "Demonic Rainbow" - 16/06/2017 04:52

Today... I am well known as the nicest cashier at our store, out of 30 people, according to both co-workers and customers. Just sat through a meeting on how bad my attitude is...FML.

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 27

By worstMan - 16/06/2017 03:44

Today, my friend asked me to be the best man at his wedding! Last week, I spent 3 months savings to buy a plane ticket to visit family. The ticket is not refundable or transferrable. Do I spend 1 month's savings to buy a new ticket to fly back early, or miss it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 14

By Kit - 15/06/2017 08:00 - United States - Greenville

Today, the guy I've been seeing didn't acknowledge my birthday. We've joked for weeks about how we share the same birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 419

You deserved it 337

By leavemealone - 15/06/2017 02:00 - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, a guy in a coffee shop was trying to chat me up, when he noticed a ring on my finger and asked if I was married. In a stroke of regrettable honesty, I told him no, the ring was my mother's, who died when I was young. He said I probably shouldn't wear it because "men'll just get confused." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 382

You deserved it 1 007

By budgeter - 14/06/2017 06:00 - United States - Boston

Today, my father made me go grocery shopping for the week because he believes my mother is too wasteful with her shopping. The bill for the three of us came out to $85, over double my budget of $30. He won't negotiate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 726

You deserved it 293

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The Top

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Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 410

You deserved it 3 427

Today, I found out why my boyfriend gets so upset when I make jokes about him and his best guy friend being lovers. It's because they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 710

You deserved it 9 100

Today, again, I listened to dozens of people continue to whine about how pandemic restrictions are the hardest thing ever while continuing to battle the chronic illnesses, loss of family, underemployment, trauma, and ensuing depression I've struggled with, largely in secret, for the last 15+ years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 316

Today, we were building the homecoming float, the theme is Seasons of Love. We went around the yard and put random leaves on the float. My friend's dad looked at the float and said, "You do realize that's poison ivy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 814

You deserved it 30 312

Today, I asked my niece to house-sit because she acts very mature and sensible while her brother is an idle slob. Turns out the idle slob nephew is the mature one while the sensible niece actually likes to throw house parties. I found a used condom stuck to my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 337

You deserved it 977

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 169

You deserved it 9 216